Thank you ladies for helping me with the rage and my 3 yr old

KateLouise

I posted this in the thread below as well, but thought it might get missed, and really wanted you guys to know how appreciative I was. 

Thanks for all your comments and suggestions. I've been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting, and your ideas have really helped me focus on the actual issues, and start using strategies to improve my behaviour. Even just being more mindful of my behaviour has helped me catch myself before I become a shrieking banshee.

I want to clarify a couple of my earlier comments because I think I was confusing in my statements. In terms of Time out and saying, "i'm not really into it." I was thinking of that term in a very specific context. I don't see it as appropriate tool when it's used as a punishment for a child expressing themselves in a safe but irritating way, or when they're just completely tired and have lots the ability to self management. But that is very different, to my mind, when it's used as a "chill out" or "rest/time to yourself" time.

So, for those who wondered what strategies I use to help DD manage her behaviour, I absolutely suggest/offer/insist on quiet time in her room when she is beside herself and really needs to unwind. We also use it, when DD has done something completely unacceptable like hit someone.

What I was really wanted help with was how to manage MY behaviour. Because there are times where I am following our processes around time-out, processes that I'm completely confident in and know work with DD, but rather than instigating them in a really calm manner, I'll be screaming at DD because I am frustrated with her behaviour. Honestly, sometimes I behave like a tantrum throwing 3 yr old, and I would be mortified if someone else observed me. 

There are also times when DD will go from minor irritating behaviour to minor irritating behaviour, and each time she'll respond really quickly to my reminders or instructions on what she should be doing, but by the time she's onto her 5th irritating behaviour then again I am frothing at the mouth with rage.

In many ways I'm embarrassed to admit it, and it was starting to become a habit, but admitting it has helped me really think about it, and it's not what I want for myself or my children. Like pp, I had a parent who raged at me too. 

I have really identified how stressed I am (there's a lot going on in our world), and really started working on keeping myself in a calmer space which makes dealing with DD much more manageable, and it's helping me really enjoy her, because she is, like most 3 yr olds, a really lovely little girl with so much joy and fun in her. 

Anyway, thanks again ladies, for the ideas, the links and book suggestions. It's all been a huge help. 

TiffanyBerry

I wish I had something more to say, but I think your first post on the issue, and your care and concern about helping yourself to model behavior that you want her to

tjkdlhb

fredalina:

Yeah, don't be too hard on yourself. Everyone loses it sometimes, and you're right, it's too easy to let it become