Gahhh I don't know what to do.

erjarv

My inlaws planned a family dinner for Sunday as kind of a memorial dinner/family time for my BIL Patrick who passed away last year. He passed away on the 18th, but with everyone's work schedule the 17th worked out better. This is really important to them, really important to my husband, and really important to me. 

However, my MIL just texted me saying that my other BIL (he's 8) has the flu. His doctor said he needed to be isolated until he's been fever free for 24 hours. She said she would understand if I want August to come, but she really hopes that I'll take him. She said she could keep James (BIL) in a separate room the whole time, but the strain he has can only be caught by being sneezed, coughed on, or sharing food and drink so she could just tell James to "stay away". 

Now. James is notoriously naughty, has little to no boundaries, and doesn't listen very well. So there's no way in hell I'm okay with him being told to "just stay away", because I don't trust him to actually listen. 

I don't like the idea of him being isolated either, for two reasons. 

#1: It's a dinner meant to support each other and grieve with each other. While James doesn't really get the concept of the 1 year anniversary, I don't think it's fair or right for him to be separated from everyone during such an important time for family to be together.

#2: That house is going to be covered in germs. But I don't feel like I can be like "Um. Clorox your whole house please, k thanks."

MIL told me she'd let me know if his fever is gone by tomorrow, and I'm pretty sure she's assuming that if he is fever free by tomorrow that I'll come on Sunday. I'm hesitant about that too, however, because just because he's better doesn't mean that someone else hasn't gotten it. And also because their whole house is still covered in germs. 

I asked H for his opinion and he said he was staying out of it and it was my choice. Pretty typical when it comes to dealing with almost anything MIL related (Momma's boys. Ugh.). Like I said, it's really important to ALL of us, even me. But August's health is also my #1 priority. 

So am I being paranoid to not want to go? Am I being selfish? MIL is very well known for guilting me into a lot of things -- I can't say no to her. But I feel like this is kind of a valid thing on her end. Ugh. I'm just stressed out about it. I want to go because it's an important family thing but I don't want to go because I don't want to risk August getting the flu. 

What would you guys do?? 

rp-chicago-mom

I wouldn't go. How long does it live on surfaces? Say he touches the coffee table and LO starts licking the coffee table? Flu season is almost over so I'd try to dodge that bullet.

CoUnTryBB1

Can your Mom or someone watch August and then at least you can go? I wouldn't take LO there.

Megispreg

Can you get a sitter?

I guess I would still be hesitant to go in case you pass the germs on to LO. It sucks, but I would skip it. Too risky for me.

Cheerilee

I wouldn't take LO or go myself for fear of catching it and passing it on.  It was allowing my sick nephew who was coughing and hacking to be around DD at Christmas that led to her getting RSV and pneumonia, nearly grounding us in my home state while

erjarv

CoUnTryBB1:

Can your Mom or someone watch August and then at least you can go? I wouldn't take LO there.

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twoitalians

I have a friend who got the flu pretty bad this year after going to a friends' house whose family had just gotten over the flu a few days before. She read that the virus can live on things for up to 3 days.

allardr

I'd have your mom or a sitter watch LO since that seems to let everyone who should be at the dinner be there. And you and DH can just wash up real good when you get home since you know to be careful not to bring home germs.

Manda-Kay

DS is in daycare so if it was a cold or something like that I would still go because those germs are everywhere.  The flu is a whole different story.  I wouldn't go.  The flu strain this year seems to be really bad and the last thing I woul

smile50208

I would go..but that being said, S has gotten part one of his flu shot (he has been sick so didn't get the second part).  I think I would regret not going.

SJandVA

Sorry, I'm with everyone else on this. I wouldn't risk it. If it were a cold I'd say go but not the flu.

lupineaura

I wouldn't go. To avoid guilt, blame your pedi. Say you called and the doctor said no.

erjarv

Thank you all for your responses and for backing up what I was already thinking. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't the only one who thought it was too risky.