Need advice!!!! LONG

pamelainswo

A couple of weeks ago, DH came home and said his boss had purchased a table at a fundraiser for the hospital, and asked DH and I to go. DH asked if we could go. I told him I really wasn't ready to leave the baby yet. DD will be 12 weeks on Friday. So far, I have left her only a few times, once for a couple of hours so DH and I could go out to dinner for our 5th anniversary, and maybe three for an hour or so to go grocery shopping and get my haircut.. I haven't even left her alone with DH for more than an hour. Fast forward to last week- DH calls me early one morning and asks if we can go - that he needs to let his boss know if we are going. It is THIS Friday. I got really upset and told him that I had told him I wasn't ready to go, and that I had told him that, and it wasn't fair to press me on it. I wasn't ready to leave her for a whole night yet (by whole night, I mean from probably 6 until 11 or so). Plus, his work Christmas party is in two weeks. I tell him I can't go to both...long story short, we discuss it and we agree that going to this function (where all the movers and shakers in the city will be) will be more beneficial to his career than his Christmas party (making contacts, being seen in the community), so I agree that I will go to the fundraiser, and not his Christmas party, assuming his parents can babysit. His parents have babysit for us the 3 times or so mentioned above. I tell him he needs to call his parents ASAP to ask them to babysit. Last week sometime, he talked to his dad and his dad told him they could watch DD. I asked DH SEVERAL times to talk to him mom, but, of course, as usual, DH waits until last night to call and talk to his mom. His mom was working, and when he talks to his dad, it comes out that MIL will be working on Friday night, so it would just be FIL watching DD. Now, I really like FIL, but DH himself has previously said several times that it would be a long time before he would let either or our dad's watch the baby by themself. I agreed to go to this fundraiser under the assumption that BOTH MIL and FIL would be home to watch her. I am REALLY uncomfortable letting just FIL watch her for such a long period of time all by himself. I know DH isn't really comfortable with it either, even though he won't say so. So, now I don't know what to do....I know I will be even more uncomfortable at this function if only FIL is watching DD, because I was already somewhat uncomfortable leaving her with both of them. DH doesn't want to "hurt his dad's feelings" by not letting him watch her now. I know that FIL didn't intentionally mislead DH, and I am pissed that DH didn't follow up with his mom sooner (since I asked him too). Do I suck it up and just go to this function even though I will be uncomfortable and worried? OR do I have DH go by himself - which means I have to tell FIL that he can't watch the baby? I don't want to hurt FIL's feelings, but I have to be concerned about DD. FIL is good with her, but the idea that he will have to recognize when she is dirty and change her, and when she is hungry to prepare the bottles and feed her...I'm nervous. HELP

tmbuchmann

Just say the baby's not feeling good.  Doesn't sound like you are ready or comfortable with leaving your dd with FIL so I wouldn't.  Trust your instinct.

tyswife306

I would go. 5 hours isn't a very long time.  It will fly by and maybe you can actually enjoy yourself.  I still call my in laws at least once when DH and I go out to make sure my Allison is alright.  They laugh at me but hey, it gives me peace of mind.  Call him every hour if you want and check on DD.  I'm sure your FIL won't let anything happen to her. 

However, you have to do what you're comfortable doing.  I personally, would go and yes I would also be mad at DH.

heats

We ran into a similar situation about a month ago. We actually had to go out of town for my sisters wedding and it was at a location I was not comfortable bringing our newborn to. Since my parents would be going with us they were not an option for DD to stay with and MIL was out of town so we ended up having FIL watch her (parents our divorced). I was so very very worried I even cried on the plane and the attendant had to ask if I was okay and I think I called home about five times the first day. BUT it worked out great. FIL had so much fun and he was so good with her. The other thing I noticed is that FIL listened to my instructions vs. MIL just thinking she knows what is best.

Moral of story. I understand you are scared but it will work out and just leave detailed instructions. I bet FIL will enjoy the bonding time.

 If you are too scared fake sickness and stay home.

Catherine75

I understand how you feel... I had to leave my DS with my Dad when he was two months old. I was worried the whole time I was gone, but it turned out that he did a great job! I'm sure your FIL would love to be able to spend some bonding time with his GD... I'm sure it will come back to him and he will appreciate the confidence you are instilling in him.

JT41275

I think it will be good for you to go.  Yes you will be worried but it's healthy for you to get out. 

radiokate

I think the fact that your FIL wants to watch the baby (even though he's alone) means he is totally comfortable with it, so that should at least be comforting to you. If he had any aprehensions, he probably wouldn't do it, so that should be some peace of mind. But, if you're going to still be really uncomfortable with it, just don't go. If these events are really important to DH's career, he can still go, just without you.