Does this make me a bad wife?

erjarv

Anytime H tries suggesting any kind of change to August's schedule, or asks why I do things a certain way, or hints that he doesn't like how I handle things, I get super defensive and cranky with him.

I feel kind of bad about it, but at the same time, H works 6 days a week every other week -- the other weeks he works 5 days a week -- 7a-7p. He sees August for all of probably about an hour a day on the days that he works. So I feel like if what I'm doing works for me and August, then why do I need to change it? 

Andreabks

what is the reasoning behind DH's suggestions? does he give a reason for the things he doesn't like?

my DH does this sometimes, like I don't let her play on her own enough some days or pick her up to quickly when she fusses etc. I know in the end DH is just trying to help me help our DD be less clingy and work on the whole separation anxiety thing.

i don't know that it makes you a bad wife perse to be cranky.  i mean you are spending the most amount of time with your child.  on the flip side, maybe your DH has valid reasoning?  people a step away can sometimes see more clearly than those right in the middle of things.  idk, maybe just sit down and have a non-confontational conversation about why he feels change might be benificial? just a suggestion.

Reilly626

I think it's hard to accept criticism period. Since I'm a stay at home mom with these 2 all the time actually I just listen and learn. I actually welcome when he wants to try something because I feel like I make 99% of the decisions with the twins and its nice not to have to think! 

erjarv

Andreabks:

what is the reasoning behind DH's suggestions? does he give a reason for the things he doesn't like?

my DH does this sometimes, like I don't let her play on her own enough some days or pick her up to quickly when she fusses etc. I know in the end DH is just trying to help me help our DD be less clingy and work on the whole separation anxiety thing.

i don't know that it makes you a bad wife perse to be cranky.  i mean you are spending the most amount of time with your child.  on the flip side, maybe your DH has valid reasoning?  people a step away can sometimes see more clearly than those right in the middle of things.  idk, maybe just sit down and have a non-confontational conversation about why he feels change might be benificial? just a suggestion.

 Most of the time it's because he thinks I baby August too much. Similar to your DH, he thinks that I don't let August have enough alone time and am too quick to pick him up when he fusses.

However on the flip side, if I do let August fuss, he gets frustrated and tells me to "make him stop". Days where he is home if I ask H to watch August so I can do various things around the house or run some errands, when August starts to fuss H brings him straight to me and says "you need to take him".  

I know that H is trying to be helpful, and I do genuinely believe that his suggestions are made out of love and trying to be helpful and what he thinks will be best for August and I. It's just frustrating when he has August that even he won't do things his way. 

Ms. Lisi

You have a baby, you are kinda supposed to "baby" them. Also, you have to do what works for you. DH and i had this discussion, too. He isnt the one home with the baby all the time, so he doesn't understand how difficult it can be.

poppyseed1017

I don't understand how any of this would make you a bad wife at all.  If nothing else, you're a good wife for putting up with him saying crap like that.

I also think it's really crappy that he acts frustrated and says things like "here, you take him" over a little fussing.  That would really, really annoy me.

acire86

DF gets on me for picking R up as soon as she starts fussing. I just tell him that I like her being so attached to me. My mom and I have a bad relationship so I want R to know ill always be here for her.

I say if your way works keep doing what youre doing.

jessalynn521

No, I wouldn't say that it makes you a bad wife. I know I get touchy when DH tries to mess with my schedule and so on. I SAH and know what works for us. He doesn't ever get onto me for being too attentive though. That would piiss me off. I am glad we are in agreement that being attentive is not detrimental at this age.

erjarv

poppyseed1017:

I don't understand how any of this would make you a bad wife at all.  If nothing else, you're a good wife for putting up with him saying crap like that.

I also think it's really crappy that he acts frustrated and says things like "here, you take him" over a little fussing.  That would really, really annoy me.

 Oh, it infuriates me. If August wasn't always around when he said it I would lay into him. Usually I give him a nasty look, occasionally coupled with a sarcastic comment.  

poppyseed1017

erjarv:

poppyseed1017:

I don't understand how any of this would make you a bad wife at all.  If nothing else, you're a good wife for putting up with him saying crap like that.

I also think it's really crappy that he acts frustrated and says things like "here, you take him" over a little fussing.  That would really, really annoy me.

 Oh, it infuriates me. If August wasn't always around when he said it I would lay into him. Usually I give him a nasty look, occasionally coupled with a sarcastic comment.  

I vote you tell him, every time he says something, to shove it up his ass.  Then, leave him at home alone with your baby while you go do something nice for yourself, come home, and criticize the way he has taken care of your kid. 

That sh*t really riles me up.