Baby Showers

Is it my imagination, or...

Have there been quite a few posts recently where people are trying to make it seem like it's the norm/ people expect them to throw their own shower?  I honestly have a very hard time believing there are that many people out there saying "you aren't throwing your own?  Why not?".

Or... maybe there are and there is just a part of the country that is incredibly tacky.

But - I just feel like in the past few days, we've had a few posters pop up spinning this tale. 

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Re: Is it my imagination, or...

  • Well, in the past few years I've been invited to several showers hosted by the parents-to-be, and when I was pregnant with DS, I had several people ask me when I was going to have my shower (implying they thought I was going to do it myself).

    ETA: I'm barely pregnant with #2, and people are starting to ask this again! 

    Sadly, I don't think these posters are fishing for approval, I think more and more people are hosting their own showers and it's starting to become the norm.  I bet in 10 years, baby showers are going to look like mini weddings with formal, engraved invitations, RSVPs, catering, etc.  So much for an afternoon of coffee, cake, and cute baby clothes! 

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  • I live in a fairly urban/progressive, high cost of living part of California, and know just as many people who threw their own shower as people who had a shower hosted by others. It would never have occurred to me to throw my own shower (and I'm still not the kind of person to do it under any circumstances), but I've had several college-educated adults ask me if I was "throwing a shower for the baby".  In the past 5 years, I've probably attended close to a dozen showers. A few of them were mother-to-be-hosted. It doesn't surprise me when I see this on the boards. Also doesn't surprise me to see second (and subsequent) showers. That seems fairly common, although most of the subsequent ones are more sprinkle than shower.

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  • I agree that it seems to be something that is becoming more common, but thankfully I don't know anyone who has done it here. I feel like people are moving farther and farther away from good etiquette and it makes me sad. I get a lot of eye rolls from even my close friends when I say something is not proper etiquette. Ex. the address your own thank you card, one of my friends actually said "I think that's a great idea!" Sad

    I do find it ironic that people don't think etiquette is important but then turn around and whine about how rude strangers are on the street, in stores, etc. To me they go hand in hand.

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  • What shocks me is not only the idea of hosting your own shower but the reasoning people use to justify it;  

    my family / friends want me to have a shower.  

    Trust me people, your family and friends aren't dying to spend money, buy gifts, take time away from their busy lives just to come watch you open gifts.  If they were, they would be throwing you a shower and you wouldn't be asking if it's ok to throw yourself a shower.

    ALSO, men aren't losing sleep over not being able to attend showers.  So please stop.  Your friends' husbands aren't thrilled about spending a Saturday amongst a bunch of ladies talking about babies and pregnancy.   

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  • imagekristenmariacosx:
    Well given that I just posted one of those questions I can say, I am my own person and have no multiple accounts. I was honestly curious. Everyone I know is throwing their own shower. It really seems to be the norm here. Small hick town in WA, maybe that is why? I've always believed someone else should throw it, and it's kind of rude to throw it yourself. (I thought I was being rude even when I registerd for wedding gifts, but that's just me) However, everyone here seems to expect me to throw it myself. After encouragement on my post I have decided not to though. I really am curious if it's a by area thing though? 

    I am from the Seattle area (born and raised)  and have never heard of this. Everyone I know would be *shocked* by someone throwing their own shower.


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  • DH wanted to throw a shower himself.  I was adament that it was not happening and I would refuse the shower.  He didn't like my sister's plan and wanted something different for his family.  Problem solved.  Two showers.  Everyone is happy. 

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  • imageMonkeybutt80:

    What shocks me is not only the idea of hosting your own shower but the reasoning people use to justify it;  

    my family / friends want me to have a shower.  

    Trust me people, your family and friends aren't dying to spend money, buy gifts, take time away from their busy lives just to come watch you open gifts.  If they were, they would be throwing you a shower and you wouldn't be asking if it's ok to throw yourself a shower.

    ALSO, men aren't losing sleep over not being able to attend showers.  So please stop.  Your friends' husbands aren't thrilled about spending a Saturday amongst a bunch of ladies talking about babies and pregnancy.   

    I totally agree with this. Obviously there are a lot of ignorant people who atually thing this is OK.  Not only are they ignorant in manners but they are stupid.  If they started costing things out they would realize that instead of spending money on a shower they could just buy whatever they would have gotten for gifts. 

    BTW...ECB...I agree with you.  I think a lot of posts saying people are hosting their own showers (or asking if the MTB is going to) is a bunch of crap.  People DO ask MTB's if they are HAVING a shower...but that does not mean they are asking if they are HOSTING the shower.  Totally different.  I have never gone or been invited to a shower (or even heard of one) hosted by the MTB...and I'm talking probably about 200 showers (many are those of coworkers who were going to cousins, nieces, etc. showers).

  • Oh yeah, I've known a few (in fact, I can think of one person off the top of my head) that throw their own showers. 

    I did some digging but I found the old FB evite. 
    "
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    All are invited to share in our baby shower. There will be games and prizes. For the guys we may end up playing poker and other games.Some food provided.Possibly pizza. Booze will be provided. Bear, wine, some liquor and non-alcoholic beverages. Also there will be a prize give away to enter bring a package of diapers. Drawing will be toward end of day. Gift registry is at Walmart and Baby's R US. Search by our names.

    Also check out (Website) for pictures (not many, but good ones)"

    They invited 21 people (on FB) and 9 went.  Conveniently (myself included) a lot of us had plans or were out of town.
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  • I live in the L.A( California) area. In a pretty urban area. I've seen, heard, and have been to showers hosted by the parents-to-be. Half of the showers i've been to atleast. I feel no need to judge them however, People are different, cultures are different. I guess im just a laid back type of person. I don't think they come off as gift grabby really. I just enjoy going to showers to celebrate before baby comes, and talking to the parents to be.Cause chances are I wont be able to go see the baby after it's born for months. I personally am having a shower hosted by someone else. I just think people are different, times are different.
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  • imageRissaAnnmaria562:
    I live in the L.A California area. In a pretty urban area.

    Don't blame it on CA. It's not CA. Your friends are just tacky.
  • imageEstwd2:
    imageRissaAnnmaria562:
    Cause chances are I wont be able to go see the baby after it's born for months.
    Months? Why months? If you don't go to meet the baby for months, then I'd say you're either not very good friends with these people or your friends are germaphobes living in bubbles. Either way, to me that's not a justification to throw your own.

    I met all my close local friends' babies at the hospital or when I brought them dinner a day or two after they got home from the hospital.  and I was one of the hosts of their showers.  IMO that's how it should work.  

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  • I'm throwing my own 'celebrating my baby' party. This is our second baby and we tried to get pregnant and had to go on some fertility meds because my body didn't do anything it was supposed to for me to get pregnant. All our friends and family knows how I was feeling while we were trying so this is to celebrate that we ARE able to have another one. I don't want anything and I tell people that when they ask if I need anything.

    My co-workers on the other hand are planning something for me. I wasn't working at the time I was pregnant with my first but it's the same place I was working at before I was pregnant. They have decided that since they missed out the first time, they will be doing this. I did put stuff on diapers.com on a list so I remember what I want to order. They have gotten a couple of things off of there and it's all cloth diaper stuff. 

    If I'm tacky for wanting to share our joy about this second baby, I'm tacky. No one in my group of friends or family has said anything negative so it's all good.

  • I had a post sorta like that, but it was because literally the 10th person was asking me about it. Not if I was having one, but actually throwing it myself as well.  I am already getting two showers from two diff. sets of people, so I def. wasn't trying to justify throwing one. I am not really a social event planner anyways.

    I thought it was so weird that so many people thought that. Strange.

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  • imagecallalily417:

    I'm throwing my own 'celebrating my baby' party. This is our second baby and we tried to get pregnant and had to go on some fertility meds because my body didn't do anything it was supposed to for me to get pregnant. All our friends and family knows how I was feeling while we were trying so this is to celebrate that we ARE able to have another one. I don't want anything and I tell people that when they ask if I need anything.

    My co-workers on the other hand are planning something for me. I wasn't working at the time I was pregnant with my first but it's the same place I was working at before I was pregnant. They have decided that since they missed out the first time, they will be doing this. I did put stuff on diapers.com on a list so I remember what I want to order. They have gotten a couple of things off of there and it's all cloth diaper stuff. 

    If I'm tacky for wanting to share our joy about this second baby, I'm tacky. No one in my group of friends or family has said anything negative so it's all good.



    I knew it.  I called this from the other post.  Second time mom planning to have a second shower, hell, even planning to throw herself a second shower will vouch for how OK it is. 

    You are tacky.  Don't hide behind IF issues trying to make it ok.  You make the rest of us with IF look bad too.  I was told (after three years and one m/c) that I'd never get pregnant on my own and that we'd be lucky if it worked through IVF. 
    Guess what, I got pregnant on my own, without a lick of intervention.  I was genuinely surprised and honored when someone offered to throw a shower for us and would be completely embarrassed to know that someone planned a second one (if it ever happens).  Everyone close to me knew how hard it was for us to get pregnant and they were CONSTANTLY celebrating the life we had created and they didn't need a party in my honor to do so. 

    We're going three years since the 1st bfp and 2 years of ttc and honestly I don't ever expect to get pregnant again.  However, if I do, you can bet your sweet attention-starving butt that I have NO PLANS on forcing my friends and family to come sit around and fawn over the fact that I managed to get ku up again. 

    The bolded part?  Just because no one has said a WORD to your face doesn't mean they haven't rolled their eyes behind your back.  Oh and work showers don't fall under my standard 2nd shower rule---why?  Because 99% of the working population will have a party for any reason what so ever.  Hell, we're having a 1st day of Spring carry-in. 

    Sorry, you can be tacky all you want, but do not use IF issues as an excuse to do so.


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