Curious and in need of some advice.

kristenmariacosx · March 2013

Alright, so here is my situation.
All of my friends/family WANT/EXPECT me to have a shower. However, I'm not sure there is anyone to throw it but myself. My In Laws are out of the question. They offered to host my wedding, which resulted in my DHs grandma deciding I was the devil and turning his family against him and I that day. She has had long standing issues with what they all believe to be bipolar, and the family has since come around to be happy I am in the family. (All except grandma of course, DH wont even speak to her after that blow up) Even though the family has come around DH and I do not feel comfortable with any of them throwing another event.
My family is spread out all over the place. Having them host it would be impossible with the distance.
Our friends are all in tight money situations, and in no position to host a shower.

However, every single one of these family/friends can not stop talking about and asking when we are going to do a shower. I personally don't love being the center of attention. I tried very hard to find ways around physically walking down the asile myself at our wedding with no success, just don't like attention. However, I know how much my family and friends would all love for us to have one. We already are not finding out the sex, and keeping name choices to ourself, so I feel like a shower would be at least one way to make everyone feel a little involved.
Also I have no desire for gifts. At all. The DH and I have just about bought everything we will need, including cloth diapers to last forever and wipes to last forever. However, every one is unresonably determined to buy us/this baby something. Which I am grateful for, don't get me wrong. However, since I am most likely going to be the one throwing the shower, how do I make it not tacky? I don't even need any gifts, but would like to have the event since they all want it so bad.

I know I just wrote a novel. I apologize. Thanks, if you read it all. Any advice?

Disneygeek77 · March 2013

If anyone asks about a shower you say "" Thank you for asking but we won't be having a shower."

If they push you can simply say " I am not comfortable with throwing that kind of party for myself" and change the subject.

MrsWindyCity · March 2013

Ditto - you don't throw the shower yourself and if people ask you can either say you're not having a shower, or haven't heard about one. If people are "unreasonably determined" to buy you something, then they can/will do so without a shower, anyway.

ehnasto · March 2013

If you are uncomfortable with all the attention, as PPs have mentioned, just say that you are not planning on having one. If someone offers to throw you a shower and you still don't want one you can always decline. You are already uncomfortable enough being prego, no need to make yourself feel worse.

LaineyPaney · March 2013

msspeedymarie:
No matter how much people bug you, do not throw your own shower. Period. There's no way to make it nottacky.If you want to throw your own party, throw a Meet the Baby after the baby is born. Don't mention gifts at all. If people want to buy you something, they will.As far as all the questions, simply say, "I haven't heard anything about a shower. If I do, I'll let you know."

Ditto this....

1026pumpkin · March 2013

I agree with PPs. Just let people know that you haven't heard anything about anyone hosting a shower, but you're looking forward to them meeting the baby after he/she is here.

You can always host a meet the baby party after LO is born if you want to get together with people, and you can let people who are pressing for a party know that you plan to invite them to this.

kristenmariacosx · March 2013

I've told a few friends who have asked that I have not heard anything about one, and they looked at me as if I had aliens growing out of my head. I've explained I would feel rude throwing one for myself and their respone was "why?".
Maybe it is different by area, but it seems here it is very common to throw your own shower. I don't remember the last time I have been to or heard of a shower in my area being thrown by someone other than mom to be. I know that is far from how tradition of baby showers goes. I'm just stuck.
Would it be wrong to pay for the shower myself, and just let someone else take the creidt? My mother breify mentioned helping me throw a shower. Her and I are very close. Though, I know she is too busy with my siblings who are 4yrs old and 1yr old to plan the entire thing. She is 36, I am 19, I was unplanned, they were planned. Her and I are more like friends now, then mother/daughter.

[Deleted User] · March 2013

No.

1026pumpkin · March 2013

kristenmariacosx:
I've told a few friends who have asked that I have not heard anything about one, and they looked at me as if I had aliens growing out of my head. I've explained I would feel rude throwing one for myself and their respone was "why?".
Maybe it is different by area, but it seems here it is very common to throw your own shower. I don't remember the last time I have been to or heard of a shower in my area being thrown by someone other than mom to be. I know that is far from how tradition of baby showers goes. I'm just stuck.
Would it be wrong to pay for the shower myself, and just let someone else take the creidt? My mother breify mentioned helping me throw a shower. Her and I are very close. Though, I know she is too busy with my siblings who are 4yrs old and 1yr old to plan the entire thing. She is 36, I am 19, I was unplanned, they were planned. Her and I are more like friends now, then mother/daughter.

It's still rude to invite people to buy you a gift. Save your time and money to buy what you need for baby, and anyone who wants to buy you a gift will find a way to get it to you.

ordinary1 · March 2013

Do not host or pay for your own shower. To answer your question, there is no way to make a shower you host for yourself not tacky.

kristenmariacosx · March 2013

To me it wouldn't be a waste, if it makes my family and friends happy. I am very much a people pleaser. One of my flaws. Also, as I said, I have all the baby gear, only thing left to buy is a dresser. I had a large wedding also, (the in laws provided location, the grandmas garden is beautiful and we had the wedding there) which I paid for entirely. I was not in love with the idea of being the center of attention, but it was important to all of my friends and family to be there for the wedding, I didn't mind spending the money then and I would not mind spending it now, especially if someone else were to get the credit for it.

1026pumpkin · March 2013

kristenmariacosx:
To me it wouldn't be a waste, if it makes my family and friends happy. I am very much a people pleaser. One of my flaws. Also, as I said, I have all the baby gear, only thing left to buy is a dresser. I had a large wedding also, (the in laws provided location, the grandmas garden is beautiful and we had the wedding there) which I paid for entirely. I was not in love with the idea of being the center of attention, but it was important to all of my friends and family to be there for the wedding, I didn't mind spending the money then and I would not mind spending it now, especially if someone else were to get the credit for it.

We're not suggesting you don't do it because it would be a waste, we're suggesting you don't do it because many people find it rude (even if they won't admit it to your face). It sounds like you really want to throw the shower- so throw it and know that some people will be judgey about it, or tell people you're going to host a meet the baby party instead.

kristenmariacosx · March 2013

Thank you for all the answers. Everyone has been helpful. Friends and family will just have to suck it up!

kristenmariacosx · March 2013

Oh no, as I said I really don't like being the center of attention.

Someone asked why I would consider wasting money on it, and I was just giving my reason for considering it. I like to make friends/family happy. Although, the responses here have made me further believe I should do what I prefer and not throw one, rather then give in to them wanting me to have one and pay for it myself. I agree it is tacky. I was just feeling pressured by friends/family to throw it myself.