SS suspended from the school bus

socloudy99

So SS (13 years old 8th grade) has got into some trouble this year at home and school. All things were pretty typical teenish things like attitude, being a smart mouth, and not listening. He was mostly punished for each incident.

BM likes to give in on punishments often. That isn't a judgement it is just true. The latest example was he got sent to the office for getting smart with a teacher during class. He was grounded for a week from his phone, playstation, and doing things with friends. After 3 days BM let him go to teen night at the school. He always talks his way out of a punishment with "I don't understand" and "it wasn't my fault" blah blah blah.

Today he and his friend were horsing around on the bus and it got out of hand (like it always does) and SS stabbed the kid in the hand with a pencil. He is suspended from the bus for 10 days. BM completely cleaned out his room except his bed and clothes. She is selling his playstation and he still doesn't have his phone (from the last punishment).

So what else? He just keeps escalating his defiance. He did go to theropy about a year ago but BM isn't interested. We are talking about him moving in with us during the summer and going to high school in our town. I think at this point it is just a threat and BM has no intention of really doing it.

I'm just lost. Any advise for BM and DH?    There is a long history of DH trying to punish and be a united front but everytime BM says he is too strict or going about it the wrong way. She then sides with SS and says whatever it is isn't that bad. I strongly feel she is a large part of the problem (because of above) but I don't want to focus on that. I want to focus on the best way to get SS back on the right track. Any advise?

Littlejen22

One thing that came to mind is find out what will happen if he gets expelled, if he is stabbing kids with pencils I don't know how far away from being kicked out of school he is but the answer to what happens next might make him realize this is serious. If there is a school for troubled kids maybe DH or BM can take him there for a tour and have him scared straight.

Hopeforthebest

Maybe in a nonconfrontational way you could basically communicate that doing things her way is obviously not working, and it is time to take a different approach.

socloudy99

Thanks ladies!

Okay I think SS finally made BM mad enough that she isn't going to back down. SS knows he has pushed her too far. He wasn't trying to get out of anything last night and was very respectful during the hand down of the punishment. He is grounded for 12 days (the 10 school days he can't ride the bus and our two weekend days). I think she will stick to it. DH talked to BM and SS about how disappointed he is and that he is 100% with BM on all his punishments. BM and DH also looked up summer camps for troubled teens that will be the next option if he doesn't get it together. It would also mean he misses football his freshman year since they practice most of the summer. Hopefully this is enough and we don't have to send him. It is his choice now. Get it together or we will get it together for you!