Pre-School and Daycare

How do you get your kid to do quiet time?

Honestly, I feel like I have no control in this area.

He hasn't napped on his own in 2 years.  He will nap at school, of course and sometimes when he falls asleep in the car.  My 2 year old dd doesn't nap on her own either, so I get no break.

I've tried to do quiet time with ds.  I did the quiet time boxes with different stuff in it.  I've tried music with snacks and books.  I've tried demanding it.  I've tried a timer.  Nothing works.  He comes out 5 minutes later and says he's all done.  I don't want to lock him in like friends have suggested because I don't think that fosters a good feeling about quiet time.

So, any help for me?  I really want them to have some quiet time without it being in front of a screen.

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Re: How do you get your kid to do quiet time?

  • I'm not sure what you mean by quiet time. Are you wanting your kids to play independently so you can get stuff done?
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  • imageMrs.Greg:
    I'm not sure what you mean by quiet time. Are you wanting your kids to play independently so you can get stuff done?

    Instead of napping, quiet time is when they are in their rooms and don't come out until prescribed time is up.  They can read, play quietly and listen to music but they aren't to come out. 

    My friends seem to replace nap with quiet time, but I can't get them to want to do it.

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  • Can you sit them down, like not in their room, doing something they enjoy? My oldest loves to paint, color, play with stickers, etc. She'll sit at the dining room table for a solid 30 minutes if I give her enough paper and supplies. Why do you want them in their room? I'm not trying to be snotty, I'm honestly curious. If they are playing quietly anywhere, isn't that good too?
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  • What do you do when he comes out and says he's done? It seems like you would just say:
    "no you're not, I will let you know when quiet time is over. Until then you have to stay in your bed/ room"
    It seems like one of those things that you have to be consistent about and be clear that there is no choice involved.
    DD1 had quiet time for about a year and a half. She had to stay on her bed and could play quietly with some toys, read books, play on her leapster or sometimes I would give her the iPad. She's not allowed to get up until I tell her. Now that she's almost 5 she is very good about it and I don't really enforce a quiet time unless she's having a rough day. When her sister takes a nap she just does her own thing and I do mine, it's almost as if she does it on her own now.

    I felt it was important for her to have some down time even if she wasn't sleeping. From ages three to four and a half her attitude was always much worse on days she didn't get her time. sometimes she would even fall asleep on her own for 30 minutes or so.
    My 2 girls, both born on a Friday the 13th, are exactly 2 years, 2 months, 2 hours and 2 minutes apart! And Baby Boy joined us October 11, 2013! image
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  • imageMrs.Greg:
    Can you sit them down, like not in their room, doing something they enjoy? My oldest loves to paint, color, play with stickers, etc. She'll sit at the dining room table for a solid 30 minutes if I give her enough paper and supplies. Why do you want them in their room? I'm not trying to be snotty, I'm honestly curious. If they are playing quietly anywhere, isn't that good too?

    It's so they rest quietly for an extended period of time and so, quite honestly, I get a break.  Them not in their room means them interacting with me, each other, fighting eventually and getting up from what they are doing after a bit.  

    They don't play quietly....lol.

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  • imageJune2007:
    What do you do when he comes out and says he's done? It seems like you would just say: "no you're not, I will let you know when quiet time is over. Until then you have to stay in your bed/ room" It seems like one of those things that you have to be consistent about and be clear that there is no choice involved. DD1 had quiet time for about a year and a half. She had to stay on her bed and could play quietly with some toys, read books, play on her leapster or sometimes I would give her the iPad. She's not allowed to get up until I tell her. Now that she's almost 5 she is very good about it and I don't really enforce a quiet time unless she's having a rough day. When her sister takes a nap she just does her own thing and I do mine, it's almost as if she does it on her own now. I felt it was important for her to have some down time even if she wasn't sleeping. From ages three to four and a half her attitude was always much worse on days she didn't get her time. sometimes she would even fall asleep on her own for 30 minutes or so.

    I try to tell him he's not done, to listen to the timer, but it eventually becomes a fight with him throwing a fit.  My 2 year old doesn't even understand staying in her room at this point, but if I could get one of the 2 to do quiet time, it would help.  They get no rest and I really could use a break by the afternoon.

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  • DS1 still does quiet time but it took a little "training" to lengthen the amount of time he stayed in his room to an acceptable rest time.  He has an "Okay to Wake" clock so I started out by setting it to turn yellow when rest time started and allowing him to pick 3 books and 1 small toy to keep in his bed with him.  Once the clock turned green, rest time was over and he was allowed to come out.  I slowly started moving the time back and he never picked up on it.  Rest time is an hour and a half (that's how long DS2 naps and somehow DS1 can make even the quietest toy turn into the loudest thing ever) and we no longer use the clock.  He knows what numbers to look for on the clock.  Also, I would say that, for us, making rest time that long will typically trick him into napping if he's just worn out from morning activities when he would normally fight it and be a bear if rest time was only 30-45 minutes.
  • I don't have a quiet time, but mine are at an age where they'll disappear to the playroom for an hour and play "family" or to the basement and push eachother on the swings or something, so it's easier for me now.  But I have some thoughts...

    1. What about removing all screen time during the day except for quiet time?

    2.  A "Time timer"  You set it for the #minutes and as time passes, the amount of red decreases, and then when the red is gone, time is up. 

    3.  If you really forsee it going on for years, try enforcing 15 minutes and letting him out every day after 15 minutes for a week.  Then increase til 20.  Let him have faith that he's not in there indefinitely.

    4.  I moved a traintable into DS's room because he wakes at 530.  Heeeck no.  So instead of fighting it, I put a traintable in his room and gave him permission to flip on the light and play as long as the first # on his clock said "5"  After a week of success, he started sleeping until 630.  I think he was stressed out about not knowing how long he had to lie there.  Once he knew he could get up, he stopped doing it- LOL.

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  • imageJENandJEH:
    DS1 still does quiet time but it took a little "training" to lengthen the amount of time he stayed in his room to an acceptable rest time.  He has an "Okay to Wake" clock so I started out by setting it to turn yellow when rest time started and allowing him to pick 3 books and 1 small toy to keep in his bed with him.  Once the clock turned green, rest time was over and he was allowed to come out.  I slowly started moving the time back and he never picked up on it.  Rest time is an hour and a half (that's how long DS2 naps and somehow DS1 can make even the quietest toy turn into the loudest thing ever) and we no longer use the clock.  He knows what numbers to look for on the clock.  Also, I would say that, for us, making rest time that long will typically trick him into napping if he's just worn out from morning activities when he would normally fight it and be a bear if rest time was only 30-45 minutes.

    I will have to give it a try again and set the time for like15 minutes and build up from there.  They get a bit rough around the edges if they don't rest.

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  • imageLoveEeyore:

    I don't have a quiet time, but mine are at an age where they'll disappear to the playroom for an hour and play "family" or to the basement and push eachother on the swings or something, so it's easier for me now.  But I have some thoughts...

    1. What about removing all screen time during the day except for quiet time?

    I have thought of this, but really wanted to encourage him to do more quiet play or workbooks and hopefully nap a bit.  Once he has a working computer in there, I might let him do some computer time as a reward at the end of quiet time.

    2.  A "Time timer"  You set it for the #minutes and as time passes, the amount of red decreases, and then when the red is gone, time is up. 

    That's a good idea.  I'll have to look for one of those.

    3.  If you really forsee it going on for years, try enforcing 15 minutes and letting him out every day after 15 minutes for a week.  Then increase til 20.  Let him have faith that he's not in there indefinitely.

    4.  I moved a traintable into DS's room because he wakes at 530.  Heeeck no.  So instead of fighting it, I put a traintable in his room and gave him permission to flip on the light and play as long as the first # on his clock said "5"  After a week of success, he started sleeping until 630.  I think he was stressed out about not knowing how long he had to lie there.  Once he knew he could get up, he stopped doing it- LOL.

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  • imageechowysp2:

    imageJune2007:
    What do you do when he comes out and says he's done? It seems like you would just say:
    "no you're not, I will let you know when quiet time is over. Until then you have to stay in your bed/ room"
    It seems like one of those things that you have to be consistent about and be clear that there is no choice involved.
    DD1 had quiet time for about a year and a half. She had to stay on her bed and could play quietly with some toys, read books, play on her leapster or sometimes I would give her the iPad. She's not allowed to get up until I tell her. Now that she's almost 5 she is very good about it and I don't really enforce a quiet time unless she's having a rough day. When her sister takes a nap she just does her own thing and I do mine, it's almost as if she does it on her own now.

    I felt it was important for her to have some down time even if she wasn't sleeping. From ages three to four and a half her attitude was always much worse on days she didn't get her time. sometimes she would even fall asleep on her own for 30 minutes or so.

    I try to tell him he's not done, to listen to the timer, but it eventually becomes a fight with him throwing a fit.  My 2 year old doesn't even understand staying in her room at this point, but if I could get one of the 2 to do quiet time, it would help.  They get no rest and I really could use a break by the afternoon.



    So when he throws a fit does he then gets his way? If so you're reenforcing that throwing a fit is an effective way to get what he wants. If he throws a fit just tell him that his is not a choice, and put him back. After a few days of consistency he should get it. I'm on mobile so I can't see how old he is exactly but I assume over 3 which is plenty old enough to understand rules. You're the parent, you set the rules.

    With your younger DD, can you lay down with her for a while? I did this with DD2 for while until she got the hang of things. For a while I didn't have to anymore but now that we moved I have to lay down with her and rub her back a while.
    My 2 girls, both born on a Friday the 13th, are exactly 2 years, 2 months, 2 hours and 2 minutes apart! And Baby Boy joined us October 11, 2013! image
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  • imageJune2007:
    imageechowysp2:

    imageJune2007:
    What do you do when he comes out and says he's done? It seems like you would just say: "no you're not, I will let you know when quiet time is over. Until then you have to stay in your bed/ room" It seems like one of those things that you have to be consistent about and be clear that there is no choice involved. DD1 had quiet time for about a year and a half. She had to stay on her bed and could play quietly with some toys, read books, play on her leapster or sometimes I would give her the iPad. She's not allowed to get up until I tell her. Now that she's almost 5 she is very good about it and I don't really enforce a quiet time unless she's having a rough day. When her sister takes a nap she just does her own thing and I do mine, it's almost as if she does it on her own now. I felt it was important for her to have some down time even if she wasn't sleeping. From ages three to four and a half her attitude was always much worse on days she didn't get her time. sometimes she would even fall asleep on her own for 30 minutes or so.

    I try to tell him he's not done, to listen to the timer, but it eventually becomes a fight with him throwing a fit.  My 2 year old doesn't even understand staying in her room at this point, but if I could get one of the 2 to do quiet time, it would help.  They get no rest and I really could use a break by the afternoon.

    So when he throws a fit does he then gets his way? If so you're reenforcing that throwing a fit is an effective way to get what he wants. If he throws a fit just tell him that his is not a choice, and put him back. After a few days of consistency he should get it. I'm on mobile so I can't see how old he is exactly but I assume over 3 which is plenty old enough to understand rules. You're the parent, you set the rules. With your younger DD, can you lay down with her for a while? I did this with DD2 for while until she got the hang of things. For a while I didn't have to anymore but now that we moved I have to lay down with her and rub her back a while.

    He's 4.  Yeah, that was my struggle.  Do I force him, so he doesn't learn that fits get his way.  But that ended up with me holding the door closed near the end of the fit and that seemed counterproductive to quiet time.  "You'll do quiet time, dammit!!!!!"   lol  He can be very stubborn when he's feeling forced.  So I might have to start with short time and build up.

    I can lay with dd and see how that goes.

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  • imageechowysp2:
    imageJune2007:
    imageechowysp2:

    imageJune2007:
    What do you do when he comes out and says he's done? It seems like you would just say:
    "no you're not, I will let you know when quiet time is over. Until then you have to stay in your bed/ room"
    It seems like one of those things that you have to be consistent about and be clear that there is no choice involved.
    DD1 had quiet time for about a year and a half. She had to stay on her bed and could play quietly with some toys, read books, play on her leapster or sometimes I would give her the iPad. She's not allowed to get up until I tell her. Now that she's almost 5 she is very good about it and I don't really enforce a quiet time unless she's having a rough day. When her sister takes a nap she just does her own thing and I do mine, it's almost as if she does it on her own now.

    I felt it was important for her to have some down time even if she wasn't sleeping. From ages three to four and a half her attitude was always much worse on days she didn't get her time. sometimes she would even fall asleep on her own for 30 minutes or so.

    I try to tell him he's not done, to listen to the timer, but it eventually becomes a fight with him throwing a fit.  My 2 year old doesn't even understand staying in her room at this point, but if I could get one of the 2 to do quiet time, it would help.  They get no rest and I really could use a break by the afternoon.



    So when he throws a fit does he then gets his way? If so you're reenforcing that throwing a fit is an effective way to get what he wants. If he throws a fit just tell him that his is not a choice, and put him back. After a few days of consistency he should get it. I'm on mobile so I can't see how old he is exactly but I assume over 3 which is plenty old enough to understand rules. You're the parent, you set the rules.

    With your younger DD, can you lay down with her for a while? I did this with DD2 for while until she got the hang of things. For a while I didn't have to anymore but now that we moved I have to lay down with her and rub her back a while.

    He's 4.  Yeah, that was my struggle.  Do I force him, so he doesn't learn that fits get his way.  But that ended up with me holding the door closed near the end of the fit and that seemed counterproductive to quiet time.  "You'll do quiet time, dammit!!!!!"   lol  He can be very stubborn when he's feeling forced.  So I might have to start with short time and build up.

    I can lay with dd and see how that goes.



    Lol! While my older DD has never given me issues in this area, she has in others when she feels forced. I hope the building up time thing helps!
    My 2 girls, both born on a Friday the 13th, are exactly 2 years, 2 months, 2 hours and 2 minutes apart! And Baby Boy joined us October 11, 2013! image
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  • Late so hopefully you'll see this but with my DD two things helped:

    1.  the choice is either quiet time or nap time.  If you can't stay in your room and play quietly by youself then it's lights off and in bed and no play.

    2.  Removing tv privilege is highly effective with my kid, as long as I have the strength to enforce itWink  Don't stay in your room, no toons.

  • imageMeeshe:

    Late so hopefully you'll see this but with my DD two things helped:

    1.  the choice is either quiet time or nap time.  If you can't stay in your room and play quietly by youself then it's lights off and in bed and no play.

    2.  Removing tv privilege is highly effective with my kid, as long as I have the strength to enforce itWink  Don't stay in your room, no toons.

    I saw it!  :)  I'll give that a try.  No tv would be frightening for him!  

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  • You need to be consistent and it might take a while since it is something new.  In my house, when we did quiet time with my older DD it was because my younger DD was still napping and I needed a quiet house.  Both girls went into their rooms at the same time and I would get older DD out after an hour or hour and a half (depending on her mood that day) and younger DD slept until she got up.  Younger DD moved into quiet time on her own.  I would tell your DS that quiet time is one hour (or however long you want it).  If he has a clock in his room, show him when that time is up.  No movies, food, etc.  Just some books, stuffed animals, quiet things he can do himself in his room.  If he comes up before the time is up, simple walk him back into his room and tell him quiet time is not over yet.  You might need to do this 10 times but he will get the idea if you are consistent every single time and every single day.  We only did this on weekends as my kids were are at daycare/preschool where they had this everyday anyway.  Both gave up naps while in PreK but we did quiet time up until a few weeks ago and still do it on random weekend days if the girls are having a really hard day.
    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
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