Single Parents

My First Meltdown...

Well last night I got to enjoy my first meltdown/panic attack/freak out (or whatever else it could be called). I officially hit my third trimester, 28 weeks, on Friday and had an amazing Dr's appointment to boot. I worked my second job all weekend which is normal, nothing out of the ordinary happened at all this weekend. As I went to bed last night, I started saying my usual nightly prayer and boy oh boy did all hell then break loose. I don't know what happened but I got extremely overwhelmed and just cried hysterically. I felt like I was already failing my son and that he would be so disappointed in me.

My entire pregnancy so far I have stayed postive, I've told myself and everyone else that everything is going to be ok, that I will figure everything out and so far I have. I feel a little better today, but, now I'm still worried about everything. How am I going to afford this or am I going to be able to be super mom all by myself? I have the most supportive family and friends but I feel like I can't be weak around them or tell them my concerns because I have to be strong since I got myself into this.

 Hopefully, this sudden sadness goes away with all the rain we are getting hammered with today and I can go back to my happy/positive self soon!

Re: My First Meltdown...

  • Look at you, I don't know your situation well but from reading it I can see that you working two jobs alone (PREGNANT!!!) shows your strength and desire to provide and be all that you can be for this child. I once read that if you're worried about being a good mother you're going to be a great one...think about it, it's absolutely true. I am single by choice in a way (my BD has emotional and alcohol problems) but I have to choose to walk away now and I'm doing it because I know it would be beneficial for the child to have a father, absolutely, but that doesn't mean we're any less equipped to handle it on our own if we need to. You can do it and don't be strong all of the time, you must fall into that support. Surely someone in your family or close friends will lend that open ear for you to at the very least vent...you are a super mom already. Keep it up :)  

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  • I don't usually post on this board, just a lurker, but I felt like you might need to hear some of my thoughts as I feel like  you do from time to time.

    I completely understand!  I've been single for 6 months.  exSO was "with" me during my pregnancy but it was still like I was single and sometimes wish I would've been.  I sometimes think that it would've been easier, to not have to deal with the mess that it was at times.  I stuck it out for 7 months after my son was born...thinking it was just my hormones out of wack and I wanted to give my body time to level off before I made any rash decisions.  I stayed longer than I should've, but I wanted to give my son the "family" he deserved.  But looking at it now, he's much better off without the "family" he would have had, had I stayed and the "family" that we are now is much better for him.  I feel like I'm stuck at times because I really miss having the companionship of exSO, because when things were good, they were great.  However, I have to remind myself of how ugly things were most of the time.  I feel like I can't truly express my feelings to anyone because I am always the "strong" one who others come to when things aren't good for them.  I've always been the one who "had it together" and now that I feel like I don't, I don't feel like I have anyone to turn to when I need it.  I have an amazing family who's very supportive of me and feel like I did the best thing by leaving exSO but they also give me sh!t when I have my moments of feeling like I didn't do the right thing by leaving.  They never really liked him anyway so it's hard when I'm having a moment, a melt down, because all they want to do is tell me they can't believe I was even with him to begin with.  What people on the outside don't see are all the good times you may have had with that person or they don't understand the love you could possibly feel for them.  And that's where I have a hard time because, like I said, when things were good with us, it was amazing but when it hit the fan, which it did often, it was scary at times.  Those scary times are what I have to keep in my mind more than the fleeting moments of greatness.  And that really sucks because I keep having to rehash it all over and over and it keeps that pain in the forefront constantly...and no one can understand that feeling but me!  You'll be surprised at how "super mom" you really will be!  I wouldn't say it's natural for all, but she just comes out because  you know you have to...for LO!  My son is 13 months old.  Do I have bad days? ABSOLUTELY!  Do I have great days? ABSOLUTELY!  I just have to tell myself, during the bad days, that he and I are much better off than what the situation could be and that what I do is for him and that no one else matters.  Allow yourself to cry!  Allow yourself to be sad and mad and angry, or whatever emotion may come out!  You're human, those feelings are natural.  I have days where all I want to do is cry...I take my moments in private, get it out, and I feel better.  Those moments may be a few times a week then don't come back for a while but just know that they're going to come AND THAT'S OK!  Get it out and go about your business...and if you need to do it all over again, do it.  I wish I could say that it gets easier.  Certain aspects of it do but I still have times where I get so angry that "He" has done "this" to my family and that he can be so disconnected and not have the responsibility of it all.  I allow myself to be angry at him and just remind myself that he's the one who's missing out in the end and that I have the best part of it all...my son!  You're going to make it!  And "super moms" still have bad days, just keep that in mind!  I hope you have a better rest of the week!

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  • I'm a first time mom that's been blessed with my daughter. I promise you that, even though the stress will still be there when your son is born, when you see him smile or hear him coo, you'll find your place in this world. You'll find the strength and courage to make his and your life beautiful. Hang in there, it's not easy but you're going to be awesome. Just wait!
  • Thank you ladies! It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling overwhelmed and stressed! I know it's ok to have "my moments" but I still try to stay as strong as I can! 

    Thanks again! I appreciate your kind words! I feel much better! 

  • gy86gy86 member

    I know how you feel.   I had my first official meltdown at the 24 week mark... though all long I had intended to keep the pregnancy & raise a child, something about passing the 2nd trimester and the whole "no going back now" idea made me catastrophize about EVERYTHING.  I mean everything.  From "how on earth is this thing going to fit through my pelvis" to anxiety over what the day-to-day daycare drop off logistics would be like, to some long-term/big-picture depressing thoughts about not being able to give my daughter a quality of life better than or equal to my own upbringing or [lack of] home ownership or what the economy would do.

    The very next day, after an exhausting night of being an emotional wreck, I enrolled in my first prenatal yoga class.  It was SO nice just to have an hour to myself to decompress and relieve stress.  Plus, it was an instant community of moms and moms-to-be.  If you can find a studio in your area, I'd recommend prenatal yoga in a heartbeat.  It made me feel good about some of those "What Ifs" because I knew I was actively doing the best I could to take care of myself and my unborn child.  Try to focus on the small steps you can take each day to make healthy decisions.  A lot of the things we worry about is out of our control, so no need to waste our time and energy with those thoughts.

    Hang in there mama -- and take advantage of the support you have in family & friends!  All of mine are 2,000 miles away, and there were days when a lunch with a friend, a friendly chat, or just a hug from my mom would have made all the difference.

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  • EX H and I divorced when DD was 15 months old,  I was fine until his first overnight visitation.  When I dropped her off she just looked at me like mommy where are you going? I kissed her goodbye then drove away and TOTTALLY LOST IT,  How was I gonna be a single mom? How was I gonna be apart from DD on some weekends and holidays.  It has been very hard, but guess what YOU CAN DO IT.  My DD is almost 4.5 now and she is a big time mommy's girl.  We are both doing great.  Just hang in there, you will be an awesome mom!

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