Thoughts on taking children to funerals?

*sparky*

DS is 7.5.  We have a relative who is terminallly ill and is not expected to live more than a week or so.  DS is close to some people on this side of the family, but not very close at all to this relative in particular.  Our last family funeral was 1.5 years ago and we did not bring DS to any of the visitations or the service. 

Now that he is older I am not sure what to do about the services once this person passes away.  If it were a grandparent or someone he was very close to, of course I would, but in this situation I am not sure if it is better to just leave him out of it altogether.  I will tell him of the person's passing, either way, but I am looking for some opinions on actually taking him to the services.

Due to the person's health condition, I am not expecting an open casket, so I think that would make things easier if we do end up taking him. 

WDYT?  Any experiences with this?

august06mom

If I can avoid bringing my kids to funerals, I do so.

ppants

My grandpa died unexpectedly when my twins were almost 5. They didn't go to the funeral. My cousin recently passed away (also unexpected) and the kids went. They are now 7 yrs old. We didn't make it in time for the open casket. I talked to them before about it. I would cry and people would be sad. My children didn't know her well. They did great and wanted to have cookies and juice after. Good luck with your decision and I'm sorry about your relative.

*sparky*

Thanks for the input.  I think in this case my DS is far enough removed from this relative that DH and I will attend the service and leave him with a sitter.

Littlejen22

My Mom brought me to funerals from a very young age. The plus side to this is that he is not close to this person so he will be more ok with it and it will help him understand funerals. I actually think if possible it is better to have their first experience not be someone they are close to.

mgrulke

We took DD to her Great Aunt's Wake last week. I think that it helped her understand why both myself and her father were sad all week, what happens when we pass on and what we can do to support ppl that are hurting. I did not take her to the church or burial part, it would have been a long day and I think at the age of 5 she seen and heard enough. I think it is a personal choice. GL

ReeB83

My next door neighbor died when I was 8 or 9 it was my first funeral. My mom and I walked to the church and talked about what it means when somebody dies ("what happens to their stuff? where will he go? will it be scary?"). We sat way in the back (we were, after all, just neighbors) and just observed what was going on. 

 It really just depends on how close they are. If LO doesn't know anything about it, don't push it. Get a sitter.

 

*sparky*

auntie:

Depends on the child.
I would be more inclined to take him to the service assuming he's accustommed to religious services and can behave appropriately.

He goes to mass once or twice a week Catholic School so that aspect he can handle. She actually ended up passing today and they plan to have her cremated so there will just be a memorial service. Her husband is keeping the ashes so no burial either. I am still leaning toward not taking him though.

MesmrEwe

We never have had the sitter option so have always taken DD along to wakes and funerals.  It's never been an issue, we just answer her questions whenever she has any.  I have been open about what's going on with the funeral and that we need to be respectful and to expect people to have tears, but to remember that the tears are because we miss the person and that it's o.k.!  She's been fantastic. Most of the time she ends up playing with the other kids in attendance or keeping herself occupied (we bring along a coloring book or a doll, something shiny/new that'll keep her attention and probably cost me a whole $1)...

MamaKoria

IMO it depends on the child. I don't take my kids to funerals because four screaming/crying children wouldn't do very well at a quiet venue.