Should I give in?

Sherriberry

I've posted before about my mother who always smells like smoke. I've asked her to cover herself with a blanket when holding DS, basically she had a breakdown and was offended that I called her toxic. She still doesn't cover herself with a blanket, but when she holds DS she holds him away from her (instead of snuggled into her chest).

I still haven't let her babysit for this reason. I also feel that other people just know DS better and I'd rather leave him with them.

Should I eventually give in? How long would you keep her away since she isn't following my rules?

Howie-n-Kelly

I know where you are coming from. Both of my parents smoke and my FIL does too. Since I had DS, though, they all slowed WAY down. My parents smoke maybe 2 times a day instead of over 2 packs a day each. FIL is doing better too! None of them smell like smoke really bad when we visit, so I dont make an issue of it. But if they did smell strongly of smoke, I would probably be upset.

phanatic

i went absolutely apeshit on my mother when she expected to keep my son overnight [DH & i were going to a wedding] & i found out that she'd been smoking in her house.  [this is a new development & to explain the entire backstory would take weeks.]  she was so offended that DH & i opted to get a hotel room & cut our time at the wedding short, but i grew up in a household where my mom smoked & i was constantly sick. 

if she visits us, i make her bring a change of clothes that stay at our house [and are usually washed before she gets here in the morning] & wash her hands before she can even think about holding DS.  i cannot tolerate the idea of smoke near my baby, even though i used to smoke.  

i don't think you should give in at all.  

ali-1411

I think you're overreacting.

akiernan

You're not overreacting.  She needs to respect your and DH's wishes in regards to this. 

You are the parents. 

JennR

we go through the same thing with my MIL.  You don't have to give in...ever.  You are talking about the health of your baby.  There was an article, i'm sure you could google it, about the effects of 3rd hand smoke (off clothes, hair, furniture, etc.)  It's not good.

And, FWIW, we were very strict with it when DD was little but now that she can walk and get away from her if she thinks she stinks, we're not AS strick with it.