Loss CheckIn

Mrs Nice

Hello Ladies,

Welcome to our Friday checkin!

I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: Has any of your relationships with any of your family members changed since your loss?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

tuscanbride2007

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

I finally talked to a woman at the hospital where Annabelle was born about donating items for other loss families. She was so very sweet and compassionate. She wants me to be a part of their very first Day of Remembrance schedule for October. I think reaching out to others is really going to help with my healing.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

My next goal is to start talking more about Annabelle. I realized when I was talking to the woman from the hospital that I break down every time I talk about her (especially to people I don't know). I want to be able to tell people about her and make it happier (if that makes any kind of sense).

QOTW: Has any of your relationships with any of your family members changed since your loss?

My SIL and I were closer before. She was newly pregnant when I lost Annabelle and it was hard for me to be around her. She has yet to acknowledge that we lost her and it hurts for me to be around her because of that. I feel like there is always a big elephant in the room whenever I am around her.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Annabelle's angelversary is coming up in a few weeks and I have cried just about every day for the past 2 weeks. I hope it is not as hard as I am imagining it will be.

bunnybun4

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

BABIES MENTIONED:  this was my week to take major steps back.  My SIL had her twins on Monday and I was pretty much an emotional mess all week.  I really thought I would be in a better place for this but I am not.  I really miss my sweet girl and I have a lot of poorly directed anger at my SIL for her pregnancy going off without a hitch.  it just really hurts and reminds me of all I am without right now.  To make things worse, DH is just floored that I could be so upset this week and thinks I should be over the moon excited about our new nephews.  I am happy for them but I can't help but have my own sorrow tangled in there.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

still working on losing weight...I have a few LBS to go before being at pre-pregnancy.  I am so ready to start looking good in my clothes again. 

QOTW: Has any of your relationships with any of your family members changed since your loss?

my mom has shockingly not been as supportive as I would have thought she would have been.  She keeps telling me it isn't normal when I have my emotional breakdowns every few weeks...and quite honestly it IS NORMAL (as all of you ladies know).  She also suggested I would be "over it" by april when my grief support group is starting...

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

just trying to work through all of my emotions related to my nephews being born...trying to separate the two instances and not be sad everytime someone mentions them.  In happier news, I am also getting off of the bench next week so TTCing is getting me a little excited.

meli1025

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

*baby mentioned*

This week I ordered a personalized baby blanket and personalized cross for my friend who had her baby (and was due the day before me).  I felt that was a big step.  She's been through a lot in life and we've seen each other through some awful times.  I want her to know that I am still happy for her even though my baby is not here. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I'm doing really well with my exercising, eating healthy and not drinking wine during the week.  Just trying to keep that going and get my body back.

QOTW: Has any of your relationships with any of your family members changed since your loss? 

I think my relationships with everyone have changed because I have changed.  However, I'm most concerned with the relationship I may or may not have with my SIL.  She and DH were in a bad place (family drama) when we lost Ava and she never even acknowledged our loss. Not even a phone call.  She recently reached out to DH and apologized for everything and is making efforts to repair their relationship, but she has yet to say anything at all to me.  I know I have to see her in May or June when her daughter graduates and I am dreading it. I am so angry with her for STILL not apologizing to me directly and I don't know how I will be able to fake it for the family's sake when I do see her.  We were never that close to begin with, but when we did see each other we got along well.  I don't see how that can happen again unless she says something to me directly about Ava. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?  I'm thinking a lot this week about how different my life would be if Ava was here.  I miss her so much and wish that we were home together right now like we were supposed to be. 

fluttergirlmoonchild79

tuscanbride2007:

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

I finally talked to a woman at the hospital where Annabelle was born about donating items for other loss families. She was so very sweet and compassionate. She wants me to be a part of their very first Day of Remembrance schedule for October. I think reaching out to others is really going to help with my healing.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

My next goal is to start talking more about Annabelle. I realized when I was talking to the woman from the hospital that I break down every time I talk about her (especially to people I don't know). I want to be able to tell people about her and make it happier (if that makes any kind of sense).

QOTW: Has any of your relationships with any of your family members changed since your loss?

My SIL and I were closer before. She was newly pregnant when I lost Annabelle and it was hard for me to be around her. She has yet to acknowledge that we lost her and it hurts for me to be around her because of that. I feel like there is always a big elephant in the room whenever I am around her.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Annabelle's angelversary is coming up in a few weeks and I have cried just about every day for the past 2 weeks. I hope it is not as hard as I am imagining it will be.

I'm so sorry you're going through a rough time.  I found the weeks leading up to Corbin's first angelversary were some of the worst weeks I've had since the beginning.  Honestly, the day of was not as bad as I thought it was going to be.  I don't know if it's because of the build up or what. I'm not saying it was easy but I thought it would be worse.  PM me if you need to talk.  {{HUGS}}

tuscanbride2007

fluttergirlmoonchild79:

tuscanbride2007:

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

I finally talked to a woman at the hospital where Annabelle was born about donating items for other loss families. She was so very sweet and compassionate. She wants me to be a part of their very first Day of Remembrance schedule for October. I think reaching out to others is really going to help with my healing.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

My next goal is to start talking more about Annabelle. I realized when I was talking to the woman from the hospital that I break down every time I talk about her (especially to people I don't know). I want to be able to tell people about her and make it happier (if that makes any kind of sense).

QOTW: Has any of your relationships with any of your family members changed since your loss?

My SIL and I were closer before. She was newly pregnant when I lost Annabelle and it was hard for me to be around her. She has yet to acknowledge that we lost her and it hurts for me to be around her because of that. I feel like there is always a big elephant in the room whenever I am around her.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Annabelle's angelversary is coming up in a few weeks and I have cried just about every day for the past 2 weeks. I hope it is not as hard as I am imagining it will be.

I'm so sorry you're going through a rough time.  I found the weeks leading up to Corbin's first angelversary were some of the worst weeks I've had since the beginning.  Honestly, the day of was not as bad as I thought it was going to be.  I don't know if it's because of the build up or what. I'm not saying it was easy but I thought it would be worse.  PM me if you need to talk.  {{HUGS}}

Thank you! I really feel like DH thinks I'm going crazy! I knew this time would be difficult, but I never imagined how difficult. I feel like all of the old emotions are back again. I am so happy that I found this board and so many wonderful people that fill it  

MAYashes86

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
Not really, the ring I ordered with Benjamin?s name on it came in this week, but they messed up the size, so I had to send it back. It made me really upset as I was really looking forward to having his name with me.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I?m considering going to a loss group at the hospital where I delivered, but it is mostly aimed at miscarriage, so I?m not sure how much help it would be. Also just the idea walking into the hospital where I delivered his body terrifies me. I?m going to make an effort to go though, if I can get my husband to stay home with our daughter.

QOTW: Has any of your relationships with any of your family members changed since your loss? My relationship with my husband is changing. He is handling things by acting as though nothing happened & not talking about it. I need to talk about Benjamin & I don?t want to ever act like he isn?t my son, I will always love him & he is part of my life now, even if not here physically.   

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?My son?s due date is next week & I cannot stop thinking about how he should be here in my arms. I feel like God is punishing me and I don?t know exactly what I?ve done to cause it. How I thought my life would be, what I wanted it to be, and it is nothing like that. 

sand&starfish

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?  

Not really. Still going to therapy once a week, which is helpful. We also had our pre-conception appointment with our MFM doc this week to discuss what happened and what our options are for next time. It was helpful in that I feel like I have all the information that I need now, and just need to make decisions. Also went out with a friend from work - I've been avoiding all things work since we lost Nathan so that was positive.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

Get mentally prepared to go back to work. I work with a lot of pregnant people/people who just had babies, and my workplace is pretty high stress, so I'm trying to mentally prepare for getting back into that and keeping it together.

QOTW: Has any of your relationships with any of your family members changed since your loss? 
Yes. My husband's family has been pretty non-existent. They either have not acknowledged things to me at all, think we had a miscarriage and should just move on, or completely ignore it so that when we get together it's like this big elephant in the room. We have tried to talk to them, but it's gone nowhere. We are likely going to not speak to a few of them for a while, until we decide if we can be around them, or if they can try to have some empathy. It's been really tough.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? 

Just keep thinking about how I should still be pregnant, where I should be in my pregnancy, what I should be doing, ect, instead of what we're doing now. The closer we get to May (my due date), and the more signs of spring that I see, the worse things seem. Mostly, I just wish things were different. 

MrsZ816

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? We went for a consultation with our RE to discuss what we need to do testing wise before another ivf cycle. Vampire took 23 vials of blood from me for a RPL panel.   

 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

Trying to lose some weight. Actually forced myself to go to the gym. 

 

QOTW: Has any of your relationships with any of your family members changed since your loss? 

I feel like my relationships with most of my friends and family have changed. Friends don't know how to act, what to say and are just staying away instead.  My mom, who should get what I am going through since she pprom'd too and lost twins before I was born, is annoying me to no end with her insensitivity and stupid comments. She thought that out to dinner with family 3 weeks after my loss that she should tell me someone she works with that I went to hs with is pregnant with twins but not to say anything because "she isn't safe yet". 

 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? 

Feeling guilty that I'm getting myself back together and trying to resume as normal of a life as I can. Feeling super nervous/guilty/anxious about getting back on the ivf crazy train in a few months.  

silverlining8d

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 
Not any new ones, no. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I'm going to start raising money for March of Dimes making and selling homemade laundry soap. 

QOTW: Has any of your relationships with any of your family members changed since your loss?
Yes, I am closer to my mother in law and not as close to my mother and brother anymore. My mother in law lost her son when he was seventeen and my SO was fifteen so she's been down that road of grief and my mom and brother don't understand and don't seem to want to try to.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? A lot. Mostly how big my son would be now and the constant nagging, "Could I have done more?"

OSUWifey09

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Not really. Kinda took a step back emotionally this week, but I'm doing OK.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Just keep doing what I'm doing - focusing on me and my health. I'm down 10 pounds since January and have my first 5K in about 7 weeks. Just want to be sure I'm ready.

QOTW: Has any of your relationships with any of your family members changed since your loss? Things were rocky with H and I for awhile since we grieved so differently. My mom and I had a rift for awhile because she thought I was taking too long to grieve, but things are better now.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I really miss Devon. And I'm trying to hard not to focus on getting pregnant again soon, but I can't help it. I'm terrified I won't be able to have more children and that I will lose my living son. Again - emotionally, I took a step back this week. Sucks.

Williamandshawnna

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Not really.  Everything is so hard and raw right now with TTCAL and IVF#2 that it seems like I am moving backwards.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

To be gentl on myself and see my therapist more so I can make it through this next step of our journey.

QOTW: Has any of your relationships with any of your family members changed since your loss?

We haven't had contact with very many of our extended family because we kinda avoided the holiday parties. Our immediate family includes my mother and brother in law only, so our relationships with them are good.

Overall my relationships with everyone have changed, just like I have. I am not the same person I was, and never will be.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

IVF#2, I am scared crazy over this.

allnew2me

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

I have no idea how to carry on. It's been three and a half weeks since Audrey passed away from SIDS. My husband and I are going to a group meeting tonight. I'm not sure if I will be able to talk or if I even want to talk. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

I'm still trying to deal with the day to day things. We thought Audrey would be our one and only child and my husband got a vasectomy a month after Audrey was born. He will be meeting with a Dr to have a reversal. Our goal is to start TTC by July. I have to wait until then due to an emergency C section in Dec.

QOTW: Has any of your relationships with any of your family members changed since your loss? 

Seems like my relationships with everyone is different. I wish i had the strength to call my best friend and talk with her. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? 

I have no idea how to carry on. I haven't touched Audrey's nursery and I have no idea what to do with her things. I'm going to just leave them as is until I know what to do. We haven't even picked up her ashes from the funeral home. I cry every day and sometimes I cry for hours and sometimes just a few minutes. My sweet baby girl is always on my mind...I miss her so much