Irresponsible....

ajustice25

Maybe its just the devil trying to get his self into my brain today..I feel like i blame myself for ny daughters death..I wasnt paying attention to her movements as often as i shldve towards to end..At my 37 week check up, i brung to my docs attention that aria had slowed down on movement and was as active as normal but she said that it was normal and that she doesnt have that much room to move..but that morning in went in with contractions and broken water and they asked me when was the last time i felt her move,i said that morning,but i honestly cldnt remember when the last time i felt her move..i feel so irresponsible that i wasnt as anal as i usually am..i am usually good abt that type of stuff..if i dnt feel her moving,im either eating something or drinking some ice cold water to wake her up and make sure shes ok..But now when i sit and think,im thinking,is it my fault that my aria isnt here..this will forever haunt me...

weddedwife

Try not to beat yourself up. Each and every one of us here has guilt and regrets, whether justified or not. Mostly not, I would guess. I know I do. "What if I had gone to the hospital sooner?" "Why wasn't I more worried about those BH contractions?" The what ifs are the worst. What's done is done and no amount of guilt or blame will bring my son back. And I will carry this with me for the rest of my life.

I guess my point is, you're not alone.

lenya_35

weddedwife:

Try not to beat yourself up. Each and every one of us here has guilt and regrets, whether justified or not. Mostly not, I would guess. I know I do. "What if I had gone to the hospital sooner?" "Why wasn't I more worried about those BH contractions?" The what ifs are the worst. What's done is done and no amount of guilt or blame will bring my son back. And I will carry this with me for the rest of my life. I guess my point is, you're not alone.

 

ITA with this.  You're not alone.  I have the same kinds of thoughts as you.  When I have my wits about me, I try to tell myself that there's nothing I could have done.  Think about it this way - if you had gone into L&D earlier, there's a good chance they would have hooked you up to the monitors, heard her heart beating and sent you home.  There's nothing you could have done.  

Sending hugs your way. 

silverlining8d

I feel this way all the time. I, too mentioned it to my midwife at my last appt but didn't pursue it like I feel I should have. I really can't give much advice but it helps me sometimes to say it out-loud that it wasn't something I did. I do affirmations in the mirror sometimes. Things like "It wasn't your fault." "You would have saved him, if you could have." "You're still a mother." I need to do them more often.