Would you say something? Xpost to working moms

MagickalNarwhal

Our very good friends have a 14 mo old daughter G. My 1 year old son and I hang out with them almost every day. We have another friend who has watched my son 1 day a week for about 5 months, and who just started watching my friends' kid as well.

I've had a bad experience before with family watching my son so I treated this set up with my friend as professionally as possible. We pay him normal market rates and I gave him written info on care, plus talked a lot about care philosophies before he started and we are pretty much on the same page.

Yesterday I was home and he was watching my friend's daughter, so they came over for a play date. We were all eating lunch (well snacking and playing on the kitchen floor) and he kept "tricking" G into eating. She was really busy playing and not interested in eating at all, but he'd put food up in front of her mouth, or try and convince her to "just taste it you'll like it". Once, he even basically snuck food in her mouth - she was walking and about to turn to play with something and he had food in his fingers right at mouth level, so that the food went into her mouth. She got irritated, spit it out, and kept playing. This went on for a LONG time and she was clearly NOT interested in eating but he kept trying.

One of the things that I talked with him about before he started watching my son is food - I feel super strongly that we should never force or even "encourage" eating. Basically his (caretaker's) job is to offer food at appropriate intervals. I don't care if he (my son) eats it all or if he doesn't touch it. He's a great eater and I want to respect him following his own cues around food. G is also a great eater and I know that her parents have the same approach about food with her.

So, I feel like I have to say something to him just to remind him how I feel abbout feeding my son. But 1. my historical relationship with food in my family of origin isn't so hot (I've sought help for this, and continue to...no eating disorders but not the best approach to eating) so I wonder if I'm making a big deal out of nothing and I should just let it go. And 2. I wonder if I should say something to G's parents. I lean towards no but again I'm not really sure...

What would you do?

NotSharknado

Let it go. It wasn't your kid he was doing it with. Don't assume he doesn't follow your philosophies because he's doing something different with his kid. How do you know If she hadn't eaten much that day or before and he just wants to get something in her?

NotSharknado

Also, this is your issue. Not his.

ilovemygirls

shanado:

Also, this is your issue. Not his.

Totally this.  While I understand you have some outstanding issues about this, you are making a big deal of this esp. since it wasn't even your child he was dealing with.  He watches your LO one day a week?  Let it go.

MagickalNarwhal

So do you think it's reasonable to put food in a kids mouth if they are not into it, or just not unreasonable enough to say something about it? Is this really something that would be fine with you? Honestly asking as my normal meter is still a little off in this dept.

MrsT0514

shanado:

Also, this is your issue. Not his.

I also agree with this. Even if you didn't have the existing issues surrounding food, this doesn't involve you or YOUR kid directly, so I'd have to say let it go.

NotSharknado

MagickalNarwhal:

So do you think it's reasonable to put food in a kids mouth if they are not into it, or just not unreasonable enough to say something about it? Is this really something that would be fine with you? Honestly asking as my normal meter is still a little off in this dept.

He wasn't doing it with your kid. It's not your place to say something. As far as shoving food in her mouth and it being a choking hazard, well you did say the kids were playing in front of you, right?

greeneyed_bride

Do you know for sure that G's parents didn't say something like, "G hasn't been eating much, and we're trying to get her to eat because the Dr. is concerned about her weight, so please try to get her to eat"? I mean, maybe it's a long shot, but it's possible that he has a good reason for doing this with G and doesn't do it with your son.

MagickalNarwhal

greeneyed_bride:

Do you know for sure that G's parents didn't say something like, "G hasn't been eating much, and we're trying to get her to eat because the Dr. is concerned about her weight, so please try to get her to eat"? I mean, maybe it's a long shot, but it's possible that he has a good reason for doing this with G and doesn't do it with your son.

I do know that for sure. She has no issues with food or weight at all. The night before this we all hung out and talked about how grateful we are that our kids are good eaters so far.

greeneyed_bride

MagickalNarwhal:

greeneyed_bride:

Do you know for sure that G's parents didn't say something like, "G hasn't been eating much, and we're trying to get her to eat because the Dr. is concerned about her weight, so please try to get her to eat"? I mean, maybe it's a long shot, but it's possible that he has a good reason for doing this with G and doesn't do it with your son.

I do know that for sure. She has no issues with food or weight at all. The night before this we all hung out and talked about how grateful we are that our kids are good eaters so far.

Well there goes my theory!  

NotSharknado

GhostMonkey:

shanado:

MagickalNarwhal:

So do you think it's reasonable to put food in a kids mouth if they are not into it, or just not unreasonable enough to say something about it? Is this really something that would be fine with you?
Honestly asking as my normal meter is
still a little off in this dept.

He
wasn't doing it with your kid. It's not
your place to say something. As
far as shoving food in her mouth and it
being a choking hazard, well you did
say the kids were playing in front of
you, right?

That
makes this ok?

Seriously?
WTF.

 

my kid? I'd say something. Someone else's? I tend to mind my own business.

robinsokj

shanado:

GhostMonkey:

shanado:

MagickalNarwhal:

So do you think it's reasonable to put food in a kids mouth if they are not into it, or just not unreasonable enough to say something about it? Is this really something that would be fine with you?
Honestly asking as my normal meter is
still a little off in this dept.

He
wasn't doing it with your kid. It's not
your place to say something. As
far as shoving food in her mouth and it
being a choking hazard, well you did
say the kids were playing in front of
you, right?

That
makes this ok?

Seriously?
WTF.

 

my kid? I'd say something. Someone else's? I tend to mind my own business.

So it's kosher if someone else's kid chokes?

NotSharknado

robinsokj:

shanado:

GhostMonkey:

shanado:

MagickalNarwhal:

So do you think it's reasonable to put food in a kids mouth if they are not into it, or just not unreasonable enough to say
something about it? Is this really
something that would be fine with you?

Honestly asking as my normal meter is
still a little off in this dept.

He
wasn't doing it with your kid. It's not
your place to say something. As
far as shoving food in her mouth and it
being a choking hazard, well you did
say the kids were playing in front of
you, right?

That
makes this ok?

Seriously?
WTF.

 

my
kid? I'd say something. Someone
else's? I tend to mind my own
business.

So it's kosher if someone else's kid
chokes?

dude, that's not what I'm saying here. Of course I'm not okay if any child chokes.

MagickalNarwhal

I'm not having a *strong* reaction - if I were I wouldn't have asked for other people's thoughts, I'd have just said something. It seems the consensus is that it's not a big deal and not my kid, so I am leaning towards not saying anything. I realize that he won't actually be watching my son for much longer, maybe another few months.

Also, it's not the "encouraging" eating that's bothersome to me (I don't really like it but I wouldn't feel the need to say anything); it's the idea that he thinks it's ok to sneak food into someone's mouth who has already said they don't want it. And honestly, I swear, this girl has no issues eating AT ALL and there has never been a reason to try and trick her into eating. I disagree that I am making something out of nothing, as I do think that's not really OK to do, but I CAN agree that it's not necessary to say something in this situation.

Thanks for the thoughts, I do appreciate the other perspectives.

IUIBaby

greeneyed_bride:

Do you know for sure that G's parents didn't say something like, "G hasn't been eating much, and we're trying to get her to eat because the Dr. is concerned about her weight, so please try to get her to eat"? I mean, maybe it's a long shot, but it's possible that he has a good reason for doing this with G and doesn't do it with your son.

I would think this too.