In the midst of it (XP from miscarriage)

laurid75

I posted this on the miscarriage board, but I think I've always felt comfortable here and a lot of you now my backstory....

So I've been bleeding now all week, passing some small clots and cramping yesterday and today but nothing horrible. I stayed home from work yesterday b/c snow was predicted so I was able to work from home but in general I've been here. It just seems weird to me that on the outside everything seems "normal"
but inside I'm having a miscarriage. The nurse today at my blood draw asked if I'm back to work yet and I said "um, yeah, been at work the whole time!" 

To top it off, I realized today at my blood draw (they are tracking my levels going down) that I just HATE going back to that fertility center after the ups and downs there and the craziness of what happened.  AND I had to pay $140, some sort of co pay and it killed me to even give them money. I'm just cranky and bitter!

After all of this, I honestly think I'm done with fertility treatments.  And to be honest, i might be done with trying altogether.  I don't know.  One of the main reasons I wanted another was a sibling for my son, and at this rate they will be at least 6 years apart so it's not like they are ever going to play together.  I really do not know what I want and after thinking I knew for so long, it's a weird feeling.

I just wonder if this is really it or if things will get worse with more bleeding and pain. UGH.

hopeisnotdead

I'm so sorry for what you are going through! My first miscarriage I was 5w3d and it was like a normal period for 5 days then it was all over. My second miscarriage I was 7w2d and started spotting on a Thursday and wasn't fully over until Saturday 9 days later... It was much heavier and a lot more clotting plus a lot more painful. However, once the baby had truly passed the pain returned to more of just cramps like a period. I have thought a lot about giving up myself seeing as how dd is 7 already and in 1st grade so there's really no chance of them growing up together or being at the same school together... However, my 2nd would be my dh's 1st so that's driving us to keep going... I wish you the best and I'm here if you need!

KristyLynn26

I'm so so sorry! I can't even imagine. The constant doctor appointments and payments must be like rubbing salt on the wound. Big Big ((HUGS))!

74dragonfly

I' m so sorry.  My first miscarriage I had a D&C, second miscarriage I had terrible cramps, huge clots, lots of bleeding, but unfortunatly still did not completely pass tissue so D&c #2.  

Most ladies I know with miscarriage say it is like a terrible period.  

 

I know how you feel about wanting to stop.  Right now i think you just work on getting thru this and then assess again in a  few months.

 

 

CeCe8579

I am so sorry! Hugs!

ceebeetee

Hugs to you, so sorry you are going through this.  When I miscarried three weeks ago it was also hard not knowing it this was it or not... overall it wasn't horrible though, three days I passed bigger clots then after that it was downhill, the last three days or so I mostly had brown spotting and overall it lasted about a week and a half (I had a blighted ovum and m/c at 7 weeks).  I agree with pp though, i would try to just get through this first before thinking too much about your future plans.   I know it's hard to keep from thinking about it all though.  

SigmundsGirl

Big hugs to you!!! I know how you feel. We are deciding if we will give it just one more shot or call it quits. We are currently on a break (I'm going to India for work) and when my last cycle failed I was crushed. We lost a baby back in August at 9 weeks and that baby's due date would be in about 10 days. Instead I will be in India. That is not how I thought my Spring would be.

I miscarried naturally at home. I passed a large amount of tissue and then bled pretty heavily for a week. I had lighter bleeding for a few more weeks. I worked from home and took a few days sick time. All of this happened over my DH's 40th birthday weekend.

We are coming to terms with most likely being a family of three. It is just one more emotional roller coaster that all of us with infertility face at some point. Do we keep trying or do we decide to stop trying. It is one of the hardest decisions to make. And just because you decide one way doesn't mean you can't change your mind later. 

If we aren't able to have another, we will mourn the loss of the family we were planning and then rejoice in the family we have.  

Best of luck!

tryingyetagain

I am so sorry you are going through this, and especially that you are working during all of it.  I went through that with multiple losses in the past when I was working FT, and it was so hard.

I guess every m/c is different, but with my first I spotted for a couple of weeks and then the real deal was unmistakable when it happened, strong cramps and large clots and then, after about 5 hours, it was over. The second, it happened within a few hours all at once with no prior spotting.  The third loss, I spotted for two-three weeks and ended up needing a d&c.

I am in the same boat with DS turning 7 years old next month.  I was at my RE's office yesterday and mentioned something to the nurse about the big age gap between them if we do have a second child, and she had some good thoughts that I really appreciated.  She said she had also had fertility issues and it took 6 years to have her second child.  She said she had wanted them close together, but she really liked it in many ways that they were several years apart, not potty training two at the same time, not putting two through college at the same time, and having an older child to be really helpful with the baby.  It made me feel good to hear that, and honestly, I think her thoughts really make sense.  Like the PPs have said, once you get through what you are going through, you will be able to really evaluate what you want to do.  And it's true that you can always change your mind.

I am rooting for you.  And I hope you get some closure on this loss soon so that you can move forward.