Attachment Plans

elissaann26

I was curious if others would be willing to share their attachment plans.  

We have created a preliminary attachment plan that we are currently using with our infant foster placement.  However, I wanted to see what is included in others' plans to see if there is any elements that we should include in our plan.  So far our plan basically includes me and DH being the only ones to hold, feed, bathe, soothe the baby (besides daycare since that is a necessary part of our lives) for the first month.  We are also wearing him as much as possible and immediately tending to his needs/cries.  After the first month if we see progress, we will start loosening the rules gradually.

I realize that attachment plans are not typical in the foster world since the goal is typically reunification.  However, we feel this is important to teach the child how to form an appropriate attachment even if we aren't his "forever" parents.  And honestly, it is important for us to attach to the child so we can treat them like our family for as long as they are with us.

elissaann26

Here are some blog posts that I found that were helpful- just in case anyone else is researching this.

Adding a Burden Post #1 Post #2 Post #3

A Moment Cherished Post #1 Post #2 Post #3 

Pure and Lasting

Blakenship Bulletin

O'Meara's Plus Two

But I'd still love to hear from those on this board who have or plan to use an attachment plan.  I'm curious from those who have used one as to how it went and if you have any tips/tricks/suggestions.

Mrs.Slick

We did two months of only us and pediatrician. Didn't go out to eat, no visitors, only left for dr's visits. Still we're the only ones to meet his needs food, sleep, comfort when hurt and visitors are there to play only.

Because he came from an orphanage and we didn't know if he knew how to form attachments, we were kind of extreme. Grandparents weren't allowed to hug/kiss the first few times we introduced them and they still aren't allowed to be the ones to give him food, booboo kisses, or put him to sleep.

However, we have attached well and he displays no signs of attachment issues or disorders. It may or may not be due to our extreme approach but in the grand scheme of things 23 months isn't that long and better safe than sorry.

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elissaann26

jalara48:

I think I'll miss not being able to have a "Meet & Greet" when we get home though. We would do that for a biological child and it's something I know I'll miss doing. 

I definitely am having a hard time trying to politely avoid tons of visitors right now.  But I am trying to not overwhelm him with tons of new people since I still feel like we are still new to him.  So far people have been really respectful, although somewhat confused since I haven't figured out a short way to explain the whole attachment plan.  

As for a "Meet & Greet", I have always thought of doing one on the anniversary of when he came into our home or when we adopted (this one is completely hypothetical for us).  Kinda like a "We Survived the First Year!" or maybe even the first how-many-ever months!  If things go well with our attachment, then we will probably have a party like this in the summer.

JennaNAaron

We didn't have an attachment plan, but the baby is perfectly attached to us. We picked her up at the hospital and I was home with her the first month before she started at the babysitter. Since she was a preemie we couldn't take her "out" anyway. My parents visited shortly after we got her and they cuddled and fed her. We treated her, and still do, like she's "ours." She hasn't had any issues with attachment.

Mrs.Slick

JennaNAaron:

We didn't have an attachment plan, but the baby is perfectly attached to us. We picked her up at the hospital and I was home with her the first month before she started at the babysitter. Since she was a preemie we couldn't take her "out" anyway. My parents visited shortly after we got her and they cuddled and fed her. We treated her, and still do, like she's "ours." She hasn't had any issues with attachment.

While that's very awesome that it worked out for you in that way, I don't see anything wrong with op wanting to be extra careful. (Not saying you think it's wrong by your post). But many adoptive families have trouble attaching, especially if the child is older or the child has suffered trauma. And really at truly, any adoptive child can be considered as going through a trauma when separated from their bm, whether temporarily or permanently. 

ctbride08

We didn't have a plan per se but we absolutely consider ourselves attachment parents and have used that model of parenting from day 1.  Responsiveness and closeness were the drivers of everything we did.  another idea to add to your list is sleeping with the baby's blankets before you send them to daycare - that way your scent is with them throughout the day. I don't know the case specifics, but if you can get bio mom to give you a shirt or blanket with her scent on it, that would be great for the baby as well.  check out the AP board for more ideas.

And i absolutely believe that teaching attachment is critical regardless of permanency - the more a child attaches, the more easily they will attach to others in the future.

JennaNAaron

Mrs.Slick:

JennaNAaron:

We didn't have an attachment plan, but the baby is perfectly attached to us. We picked her up at the hospital and I was home with her the first month before she started at the babysitter. Since she was a preemie we couldn't take her "out" anyway. My parents visited shortly after we got her and they cuddled and fed her. We treated her, and still do, like she's "ours." She hasn't had any issues with attachment.

While that's very awesome that it worked out for you in that way, I don't see anything wrong with op wanting to be extra careful. (Not saying you think it's wrong by your post). But many adoptive families have trouble attaching, especially if the child is older or the child has suffered trauma. And really at truly, any adoptive child can be considered as going through a trauma when separated from their bm, whether temporarily or permanently. 

I wasn't saying there was anything wrong with OP's idea. I'd never heard of it with a newborn before and was just saying what we did.

ETA: we picked K up at the hospital so it may have been different if she'd had a bond with her mom