Overlapping guest list?

tealeavesandpeonies

When we announced our pregnancy in December to my side of the family, my sister automatically offered to throw us a baby shower.  A few weeks ago, she let me know the shower date (April 27th) and asked me for a list of people that I would like for her to invite.  I included in my small list of close friends and family, my MIL and SIL (the only female relatives of H's that I know.)  

Yesterday, MIL called H and said that she wants to throw us a shower where she lives (about 3.5 hours drive away from us).  H told her that my sister was already throwing us a shower but that if she would also like to host one for his side of the family, that would be great and we would love to see them at that event and to let us know the date.  She then said something along the lines of, well I'll be going to both showers, won't I?  

She now has an expectation of attending the shower that she's hosting and also coming to the shower my sister is hosting.  She would also like to bring along some of her family to my sister's shower and wants some of my family to go to her shower.  

Is that weird?  It seems strange to me, almost like having duplicate showers.  I don't feel comfortable having overlapping guest lists like that as I feel it comes across as gift grabby and tacky.  Also, I don't think it's appropriate of her to invite people to an event that she is not hosting.  

I was already a little uncomfortable with MIL's shower simply because she plans to invite a bunch of her work friends and extended family that I have never met, but I was grateful for her gesture.  But the overlapping guest list thing seems a little off to me.  

Is this the norm with baby showers?  I'm a FTM so this is uncharted territory for me.  I honestly wish they would have just left me out of it, because now I feel like H and I are stuck in the middle.   

ordinary1

First of all, your MIL shouldn't be inviting people to a shower she isn't throwing. She isn't hosting so she doesn't have a say on that list.

Second of all, the only people who should overlap are the grandmas to be, no one else.

PinkLillyLover

ordinary1:

First of all, your MIL shouldn't be inviting people to a shower she isn't throwing. She isn't hosting so she doesn't have a say on that list. Second of all, the only people who should overlap are the grandmas to be, no one else.

 This.

526SadieSadie

ordinary1:

First of all, your MIL shouldn't be inviting people to a shower she isn't throwing. She isn't hosting so she doesn't have a say on that list..

BAM.  Truth bomb.

If she wants to attend both showers, that's totally fine since she's the grandma to be.  If SIL wants to attend both, that's also fine.  Likewise, if your mom/sister(s)/grandmother(s) want to attend MIL's shower, that's fine but any further than that looks like a gift grab.

cinderin

PinkLillyLover:

ordinary1:

First of all, your MIL shouldn't be inviting people to a shower she isn't throwing. She isn't hosting so she doesn't have a say on that list. Second of all, the only people who should overlap are the grandmas to be, no one else.

 This.

Yup.

EastCoastBride

Grandmoms are usually invited to all showers.

As for her inviting people to your sister's shower- nip that in the bud.  Tell her (or have your DH) that your sister is only able to host a certain # of people and as such, aside from MIL and SIL, she can't accommodate anyone else from his side of the family.

And in turn - when asked who to invite from your family, tell her your mom.  If she pushes for more, be firm in that you aren't comfortable inviting people to more than one shower. 

1026pumpkin

526SadieSadie:

ordinary1:

First of all, your MIL shouldn't be inviting people to a shower she isn't throwing. She isn't hosting so she doesn't have a say on that list..

BAM.  Truth bomb.

If she wants to attend both showers, that's totally fine since she's the grandma to be.  If SIL wants to attend both, that's also fine.  Likewise, if your mom/sister(s)/grandmother(s) want to attend MIL's shower, that's fine but any further than that looks like a gift grab.

This!  Anyone besides your moms, sisters, or a VERY close relative that gets invited to more than one shower is a gift grab.  Just let her know that your sister is limited on space at her shower and doesn't have room for extra guests. 

duffmaker

ordinary1:

First of all, your MIL shouldn't be inviting people to a shower she isn't throwing. She isn't hosting so she doesn't have a say on that list. Second of all, the only people who should overlap are the grandmas to be, no one else.

  Exactly.

Very tacky on your MIL's part.

rhubarb123

526SadieSadie:

ordinary1:

First of all, your MIL shouldn't be inviting people to a shower she isn't throwing. She isn't hosting so she doesn't have a say on that list..

BAM.  Truth bomb.

If she wants to attend both showers, that's totally fine since she's the grandma to be.  If SIL wants to attend both, that's also fine.  Likewise, if your mom/sister(s)/grandmother(s) want to attend MIL's shower, that's fine but any further than that looks like a gift grab.

I agree with both of these.  Also, it is almost a given that if either of the grandma's-to-be host the shower there will be people there that are their friends and you don't know them.  I wouldn't worry about that.

ktbear9512

ordinary1:

First of all, your MIL shouldn't be inviting people to a shower she isn't throwing. She isn't hosting so she doesn't have a say on that list. Second of all, the only people who should overlap are the grandmas to be, no one else.

This, but I think sisters and SILs are ok too, as long as you are very close.  My mom, MIL, and sister will attend both of mine, but no one else.  BUT my sister is my best friend and I know she would feel left out if not invited, and I really do want her there.