sk going back and forth

marie2424

We have my 2 sk every other weekend and and every other Wednesday, thusday, Friday. This schedule has been working out great for us but lately there has been some issues. Step son who is 11 has been forgetting certain items he needs for school at the other parents house. He always seems to forget things he needs at our house so dh has to drive to give him his stuff. He doesn't live close.

Every time they leave our house dh goes through his bag and asks if he has everything. I don't blame the boy, I cant imagine how it would be to live in 2 separate homes. I think kids in blended families just have to learn responsibility a little earlier than the rest maybe?

This seems to happen every couple weeks and it just seems to disrupt everyones schedules. At this point i'm getting pretty irritated about it.

So my question is how do you all handle the kids going back and forth and keeping on top of their stuff? I feel for step kids but I also think at 11 he can learn this type of responsibility. Any ideas we could use to help him? Thanks!

Amanda88

Trying making a list of everything that comes over at the start of his visit. Then,go back through the list and check off every item as it is seen in his bags when it is time to leave. 

caden1206

I think a lot has to do with their age and being boys.  My son is 10 and has the exact same problem.  Except it is not reserved for just the weekends he goes to his dads.  I have tried to work with him on being more responsible.  He seems to remember fun things, but cannot seem to remember simple things like his jacket or school items.  What I have recently done is tell him he can't take anything extra until he learns to be more responsible with the necessary items.  He has argued about this, saying I am unfair, but that is all part of the learning process.  He has recently become a little more responsible, but it is still a work in progress.  I would just keep reminding him about the necessary things.  Maybe call him the night before to remind him and then when he forgets don't necessarily scold him, but guide him and ask what he can do better to remember.  Good luck. 

ldmessing

caden1206:

I think a lot has to do with their age and being boys.  My son is 10 and has the exact same problem.  Except it is not reserved for just the weekends he goes to his dads.  I have tried to work with him on being more responsible.  He seems to remember fun things, but cannot seem to remember simple things like his jacket or school items.  What I have recently done is tell him he can't take anything extra until he learns to be more responsible with the necessary items.  He has argued about this, saying I am unfair, but that is all part of the learning process.  He has recently become a little more responsible, but it is still a work in progress.  I would just keep reminding him about the necessary things.  Maybe call him the night before to remind him and then when he forgets don't necessarily scold him, but guide him and ask what he can do better to remember.  Good luck. 

it is an age/boy thing, we went thru the same thing last year.  you HAVE to hold him responsible, even if that means he forgets things for school.  He won't learn any other way

happywife2b

1. Do you think it is a matter of him being irresponsible, or is it that he is creating ways to see his dad in between visits? 

2. Perhaps you guys can make it easy on yourselves by keeping a second set of school supplies at your house? Since you didn't specify what exactly was being left behind, I am assuming this is it??

3. You also mentioned that your husband goes through his bag before taking him back home. If that is the case, then how is it things are being overlooked?Maybe you guys could make a list of everything that needs to come over and go back home, and post it on the fridge. That way you can consult the list when packing to return SS home to ensure that nothing is left behind.  

 I know that when I'm rushing around I often forget things, and in stressful situations I also forget things/lose focus.  

marie2424

Thank you for all of your suggestions!

 

Its not school supplies he forgets. He always seems to be doing a project at school. He seems to forget parts of his projects when he leaves each house. This week he forgot to grab 2 pages he "needs" out of a notebook he left in our house.

I have also wondered if he is trying to find a way to see his dad between visits. He really loves his daddy.

guilletskichuk

I think it probably has a lot to do with his age and that he's a boy as well. SS11 doesn't go back and forth between BM's and our place. He lives with us full-time now and he's always forgetting things too...either at home or at school. It especially drove me batty when this would happen when I was still working. Until I went on sick leave 7 weeks ago, I was teaching at his school and his homeroom was across the hall from mine. I drove him to school and always reminded him to make sure he had everything he needed (school assignments, gym clothes, lunch, music instrument etc). After school, before he left for daycare, I would double-check that he had the things he needed to take home. While he sometimes remembers the things he needs, he often forgets items as well. I'm sure his ADHD affects his ability to remember these things though so we try not to be too hard on him. However, after he's been reminded, if he still forgets, he has to go without.

SD7 does NOT have the same problem at all. That's what makes me think that there are a trio of factors that cause him to forget (gender, age & his ADHD).