GTKY: Parenting styles

Ladiebug710

How would you describe your parenting style?

Is it what you had thought/planned it would be?

Have you and DH had any differences in opinion to overcome?

hopefulmom81

-Flexible Attachment.  I really focus on whatever will build the most trust in our relationship and the most trust she can have in herself to fix her own situation.

-I am actually way more calm than I thought I would be.  I have this nonchalant attitude of "she will fall sometimes" and kind of go with the flow on stuff like that.  I want her to grow up to experience life and make some mistakes and not intervene all of the time.  If I know she can't get seriously hurt, I kind of leave her to explore and bump her head, if that is what is going to happen.  

A lot of this stems from me being an only child with a helicopter mom.  While I know she loved me greatly, she definitely intervened any time I felt discomfort which I think leads to a lot of my anxiety issues.  TMI?  hahaha! 

-The only difference we have is over night.  If she starts squawking and won't settle, I ALWAYS go in and get her.  I think he would prefer being more rigid on Ferber since it worked so well to get her to fall asleep.  I just feel like I know she can self-soothe with minor wake ups, so if she is REALLY upset, it could be because of something and I don't want to abandon her. 

mork

How would you describe your parenting style?
Fun and fluid, but with rigid rules. Example: we have no set times for things like eating or sleeping, but very rigid rules on behaviour in public, like no crying, screaming, or running around in restaurants. A lot of our rules are based on crap we hate from others' kids.

Is it what you had thought/planned it would be?
So far, yes!

Have you and DH had any differences in opinion to overcome?
No. Luckily we were best friends first and really see eye to eye on most things, so this hasn't been an issue.

Sonadora

Ladiebug710:

How would you describe your parenting style?

Is it what you had thought/planned it would be?

Have you and DH had any differences in opinion to overcome?

Pretty old school, I think? We have rules and expectations and they are followed or there is an appropriate consequence.  There's a lot of love and support and an encouraging environment with plenty of opportunities for her to be independent and discover how the world works for her. We strive to set goals and expectations that are realistic and try not to set her up for failure by keeping our lives and schedule for her as predictable as we can.

I think it's pretty close to how I thought it would be. The first year was a lot more about survival in general than I think I thought it would be, but once we got through that I am pretty much the parent I thought I would be. I emphasize things that are important to our family, I provide the environment I think is conducive to her development, and I think past the first year, we've gotten into a good rhythm for our family. I see blooming in my child things I had hoped to nurture, a love of books and reading, good manners, compassion for others, curiousity about nature and the world around her, etc.

Not really. He's a little more permissive than I am but I do most of our weekday parenting since he's only home at night with her for at most 20 minutes a day, so he usually just follows my lead so that things stay consistent and it doesn't make things harder for me when I'm running her by myself for 4 hours a night.

Junebug060609

How would you describe your parenting style?

Laid back, but firm. I go with the flow in terms of naps, and followed my mom gut with things like solids and dropping bottles. I'm not flexible on things like giving in to tantrums though.

Is it what you had thought/planned it would be?

Generally, yes...but in reality it's not something we could've ever known until we'd lived it.

Have you and DH had any differences in opinion to overcome?

The biggest issue we've had to overcome is that he's more hands off than I'd thought he would be. It's better now, but early on I wanted to clobber dh sometimes. Thankfully we're on the same page for things like STing and discipline.

Missa_g

Ladiebug710:

How would you describe your parenting style?
Is it what you had thought/planned it would be?
Have you and DH had any differences in opinion to overcome?

Quasi AP. With twins I can't be as AP as I would like, but I do my best to foster a healthy and happy connection.

Yes and no. I still wish I could baby wear and cosleep, but how we do things works for us. Being a preemie mom is not what I imagined. We have had to be on lockdown at home since they were discharged from the NICU 9 months ago. Few visitors, no outings except for doctor appointments, rigid hand washing...it's not how I imagined their first year.

My husband and I are a great team and thankfully have agreed on pretty much everything.

I'm sure once we can take the boys out our parenting style will change. I'm excited to be a "normal" mom soon!

Oatoa

Parenting Style:  Is "Surviving" a style? 

What I thought it would be?  I am much more picky about what DD eats than I ever thought I would be.

Differences: We talk about most of our parenting decisions before we do them we tend to compromise on or agree on what to do.  SInce I do most of the leg work/research, he mainly goes with what I say.

Ladiebug710

I'm actually a pretty laid back mama. 

This completely surprised me.  For most things I am super type A, but I just know I can't control what LO does, so I have really learned to roll with it.  I'm pretty fluid with his schedule during the day, at 6 mo I still BF on demand.  Naps have a general time, but no real set schedule.  The only thing I am a little rigid about is bedtime, the nighttime routine is always the same and at the same time.

DH and I are on the same page for most things, but he was really in favor of CIO at nighttime, and I just cant do it.  Luckily DS settled into a routine on his own, so we haven't had to do any real formal sleep training.  I am more likely than DH to let DS try and fail.  That sounds kind of harsh, but for example when he was learning to sit I would let him fall over without catching him (as long as the area around him was clear), but DH hates letting him do that.

adoxyinherear

Fascinating reading your responses, ladies!

My parenting style is a mix of AP and RIE, landing more on the RIE side. I try to do what comes naturally in regards to soothing DD and forming a secure attachment, but I also encourage her to be as independent as a baby can be. She gets a lot of play time on the floor and I try not to put her in bouncers, etc., I try to respect her and letting her know what's happening to her during diaper changes and the like, and I try not to do things for her (handing her toys, etc.). I imagine as she gets older this will probably get more challenging but hopefully more rewarding, too.

It's kind of what I thought it would be. I don't think I was prepared to feel as overwhelmed by her as I do sometimes. My heart breaks every time she cries, still, though I have reached the point where I'll let her fuss.

DH and I don't always see eye-to-eye, and we're both very stubborn. We've gotten into a few fights about it, mostly because I feel like he sometimes wants to see her doing things before it's developmentally appropriate. I just want him to slow down and appreciate her for who she is each day, because sooner than we both could imagine these little days will be long gone.

KJsbabe

Hmmm... Flexible-structured-DIY-silly-firm... Just me I guess!

I think structure is important for children. It lets them know what to expect and what is expected of them. We have a general daily routine and do the same things around the same times every day. We do a lot of natural things, like BFing, and CDing, home made baby food/BLW. We also play a lot games and I love to act silly with her.

Oops! I hit post before I was done! 

As she gets older and can understand comands, I plan to be very firm, "what momma says goes". We'll be putting a lot of emphasis on manners. I'm raising a lady, not a "princess" or "diva". I want to cultivate a close relationship, though. I was always afraid to tell my mom stuff because I thought I would get in trouble, and I don't want DD to feel that way with me.

 DH mostly takes my lead with the parenting. I do make sure I explain my choices, though, so I don't feel like I'm dictating to him how he has to do things. And the things that he had questions about initially, he's ok with after understanding my reasoning.

adoxyinherear

KJsbabe:

Hmmm... Flexible-structured-DIY-silly-firm... Just me I guess!

I think structure is important for children. It lets them know what to expect and what is expected of them. We have a general daily routine and do the same things around the same times every day. We do a lot of natural things, like BFing, and CDing, home made baby food/BLW. We also play a lot games and I love to act silly with her.

Oops! I hit post before I was done! 

As she gets older and can understand comands, I plan to be very firm, "what momma says goes". We'll be putting a lot of emphasis on manners. I'm raising a lady, not a "princess" or "diva". I want to cultivate a close relationship, though. I was always afraid to tell my mom stuff because I thought I would get in trouble, and I don't want DD to feel that way with me.

 DH mostly takes my lead with the parenting. I do make sure I explain my choices, though, so I don't feel like I'm dictating to him how he has to do things. And the things that he had questions about initially, he's ok with after understanding my reasoning.

HEAR, HEAR!