am I the only one?

silverlining8d

Am I the only one who cannot, as hard as I try, keep up with the housework anymore?  I keep dishes clean and cook dinner but my house is a disaster and I feel so lazy but for some reason I can't get anything done. I feel bad because SO is back at work and I can't manage to give him a clean/organized house to come home to. Any advice?

fluttergirlmoonchild79

You're not alone.  I remember going through the same thing around the same time.  Heck, I didn't keep up with dishes even.  I think it's just one of those "crazy things no one ever tells you about grief."  I just didn't care about stuff like that.  For me that's odd.  That's not how I was raised and not how I live my life normally.  I just didn't care.  The best advise I can give to get back on track is to start small.  Decide to clear off a table or counter or organize a drawer.  Do one little thing a day.  If that's all you can seem to accomplish fine.  The next day, make sure whatever you cleaned the day before is still clean and then clean another little thing.  Over time it'll all be clean.  Or maybe you'll get like I tend to, which is I get way into cleaning and do a lot.  I still go through phases where I sort of let things go (I've realized it happens during my rough patches).  I've also learned that sometimes I get near psychotic about cleaning (or painting - my other psycho thing is painting rooms in my house) to keep my mind off of things or occupied.

{{HUGS}} - You're not alone.  You're never alone.

karebear57

Hugs I was the same way at the beginning too. I still get moments where I just can't make myself clean up so much so where my house looks like an absolute disaster! But like flutter suggested just start off little and it will get done. If you have any family or friends nearby maybe they'd be willing to help you out.

jebretz

I totally agree... I definitely went through this.  I just didnt care.  I would spend all my time moping or searching the internet for random ***.  Anything to distract me. 

I also agree with pp, start small.  Make one commitment, tell yourself out loud one thing you want to get done.  Accomplishing that will be a helpful step. (Hugs to you)!! 

Bayberry12

You are not alone.  I was the same way for a long time.  My husband took care of everything for a few weeks or months.  I just couldn't do  anything but sit on the sofa all day.  Then he had to go back to work.  I had to start doing something other than watch tv. 

Like the others have said, start small.  Set little goals.  I started small by doing one load of laundry.  And then when the dust on the entertainment center got so bad I could write my name in it, I forced myself to dust.  

Now that I don't work, I feel like I have all this time but don't know what to do.  So I find it very helpful to make a schedule, and kind of treat house work as a "job".  It really helps me feel a little organized.

It just takes time. 

MAYashes86

I don't have any advise, just wanted to say I lost my son about the same time you lost yours & I too can't seem to get anything done around the house. Normally, I am obsessive about keeping everything clean, but all I've really been getting done since Benjamin died is dishes & laundry and thats been difficult to push myself to care about. I just feel like I have no energy to waste on it anymore, and lose track of time when I think of doing things. Somehow I had time to stay up all night making a new skirt & rereading loss books, but can't find the time to vacuum or pick up around the house. 

silverlining8d

Thanks, ladies. It's good to know this is normal. I feel so bad and I know you're not supposed to make apologies for how you grieve but I can't help it. SO doesn't mean to make me feel bad but I know he doesn't understand why I'm not back to my routine. I used to clean all the time...you could have eaten off of my floors before we left for the hospital.

MAYashes86:

I don't have any advise, just wanted to say I lost my son about the same time you lost yours & I too can't seem to get anything done around the house. Normally, I am obsessive about keeping everything clean, but all I've really been getting done since Benjamin died is dishes & laundry and thats been difficult to push myself to care about. I just feel like I have no energy to waste on it anymore, and lose track of time when I think of doing things. Somehow I had time to stay up all night making a new skirt & rereading loss books, but can't find the time to vacuum or pick up around the house. 

^ I do that too, I stay up all night without accomplishing anything and SO works 3rd so he can't understand how I'm exhausted all the time and nothing gets done. I cook, do dishes, and the important laundry and that's all that gets done.

OSUWifey09

For the first 8 weeks, I was useless. I had friends come over to help with dinner and dishes because I just couldn't bring myself to do them. It took a very long time for me to get back to the routine that I was used to...I didn't want to have a routine because the routine didn't include my baby. It's a lot better now, but I remember the struggle early on.

My sleep cycles were also SO jacked...I didn't sleep more than four hours a night until after I went back to work. I would just sit there and watch movies or write or just stare. I felt like such a waste of space, but that was just how I handled things.

I hope things get better soon. You're definitely not alone. *hugs*

HullGut

You are so not the only one. I think it's so hard to do anything because you wish you were just taking care of your baby and not just cleaning your house. I still get in a funk from time to time. Sometimes I let the laundry needing to be folded pile up way more than I ever would. Sometimes I am just so tired from keeping it together at work all day I just have to go home and survive and do nothing. In the beginning I ended up with piles and I think it was around 6 weeks I started to organize and clean up again. 

 Hang in there. And do what you can and definitely start small. Sometimes its all us angel mothers can do, just do what little we can to get by. 

luvmyfireman

I have become the opposite. I have begun to obsess about cleaning my house. I am always making sure everything is picked up, bathrooms clean, floors vacuumed and everything nice and sparkly. I think it's just my way to keep my mind and hands busy. Otherwise I sit and think... and thinking seems to be way too dangerous these days!

meli1025

Soooo not alone here, as many PP's have said.  I went through the same thing and not only could I not get any housework done, I also couldn't get any work done at my job.  I put everything off until the last minute, procrastinated beyond belief.  Things are finally starting to turn around though.  I'm now obsessing over keeping the house tidy and on a kick about a few DIY home projects and moving furniture around, buying new stuff, getting rid of old stuff, etc. 

Please don't put so much pressure on yourself, give it time.  For now, focus on one small thing a day and don't overwhelm yourself with keeping things tidy because it's really not what's important right now.  Take care of yourself first, in time you will feel motivated again.  ((HUGS))