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TTC after 35
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Frustrated!!

dab1173dab1173 member
in TTC after 35
Hello All! I'm hoping that this community can help me out. I am 39 and have only been married a little over a year. I have never been married before and have no children. Not my ideal to marry and try to have a baby so late in life... It just didn't happen for me sooner. I married a younger guy (he's about to turn 34) who was divorced with three children of his own. We have been trying to get pregnant since October with no luck. I went to the gyno on January for my yearly exam. Everything checked out and she said if I still wasn't pregnant by May then to come back. Every month I am so disappointed. And, I get become even more scared. What if I am unable to get pregnant? My insurance will not pay for infertility testing or treatments, and we are not financial able to pay them out of our pockets. I am feeling so defeated right now. I get so sad when I hear of people I know getting pregnant or having babies. I can't even get on Facebook without some sort of declaration! My husband is getting a bit annoyed of me always talking about it. I feel like he doesn't get my sense of desperation or urgency because he already has children. He tells me that if we don't have a baby together, we have the girls. He doesn't get that it's not the same for me. I am not their mom. They don't call me "Mom". I am their dad's wife. I want to be a mom; I want to hear a sweet voice call ME mommy! I want to know that we have created a beautiful baby that is a part if US. I'm so sad these days.
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Re: Frustrated!!

  • GuennieGuennie member

    I understand completely how you feel.  I also did not get married until a year and a half ago, and I just turned 40.  Neither of us have had kids before, and we have already suffered 3 losses since we got married.  My husband has a "whatever is meant to be is meant to be" attitude, but I want to be a mom more than anything in the world and he will never understand what that's like.  I have been referred to an RE but our insurance won't cover anything related to infertility either, so I really don't know what's going to happen.

    Oh, and every time I see a fb post about somebody else's good news I too feel sick to my stomach, even though I really am genuinely happy for them.

    Everyone on this board is great, please post whenever you have questions or need support!  I hope you will find the help you need to make your dream come true!

    Me:41, DH:41 Positive for MTHFR mutations- one copy C677T, one copy A1298C. One daughter born on Thanksgiving in 2013. Six losses.
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  • happywifemomofonehappywifemomofone member
    Welcome to the group!!  Many of our stories are similar-we got married later in life and waited for the right men.  Hope that you will hang around and get to know the great group of ladies around here.
    TTC since 10/09 Me-43 DH-44 RE and testing 10/10-11/10, Recommending IVF 1/11 New RE AMA and DOR-DH low motility IVF #1.1 cancelled 3/11 due to poor response IVF #1.2 May 2011, one perfect 8-cell embryo, 3dt-BFN, IVF #2.1 Converted to IUI d/t poor response. New RE 9/2011. IVF 2.2 completed using HGH,EPP,DHEA, Q-10 and accupuncture. Transferred one 8-cell, grade one embryo on 10/19. BFP 10/31/11 Chemical pregancy on 11/2/11. Started stims for IVF #3, our final try, on 12-2-11. ET on 12/18. Transferred 3 Grade A embryos-BFFN Planning DE IVF, late March/early April- Donors ER expected to be 4/2-4/4. PAIF/SAIF welcome
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  • HeathernStevenHeathernSteven member
    Even if you can't get tests there are things you can do to help your chances, like temping to make sure you O and using OPK to see when your LH surges are about to happen., check your cm when its like eggwhites its a good time to get busy!! Good luck!

    image
    My Ovulation Chart


    Me: 41 DH: 46. We are TTC our 1st, started July '11,
    3 cycles clomid with Ob,
    1 cycle Tamoxifen with Ob,
    Diagnosed PCOS 11/5/12
    clomid, trigger & timed bd 12/12 BFN
    1st clomid IUI 1/4/13 BFN.
    2nd clomid IUI 2/13 cancelled didn't respond to clomid.
    3/15/13 scheduled laparoscopy & on bcp.

    May 10 IUI from injectibles - BFN 

    May 22 done with interventions it will either happen or it won't. 

    February 2014 No longer actively trying, but not preventing. 

    SURPISE BFP 4/2/2015!!!!!!!!!!

    Miscarriage 4/23/15

     

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  • chucktgirlchucktgirl member
    Welcome, I hope you find the support you're looking for. I also got married later in life. Unfortunately we've been trying for 4 years now. I hope you have speedier success than we are. Often an initial visit to the RE counts as a "specialist" referral on your insurance, rather than infertility. It might be worth paying for an initial visit to at least explore your options and maybe make a plan to get the ball rolling, so to speak! Good luck!

    imageimageimageimageimageimageimageimage
    My BLOG: www.ivfbabyquest.wordpress.com -Update - old blog.

    PAIF/SAIF Welcome!
    Me: 42, Hubby: 35, TTC since Jan 2010. Dx: DOR due to advanced maternal age. Also: Hypothyroidism (100mcg Levothyroxin). Positive for MTHFR (hetero-C677T), Factor V Leiden, and Fragile X (on DH side). Taking pre-natal vitamins    .
    First natural PG 9/27/11; mc: 1/20/12
    First RE visit: 8/8/12, Saline Sonogram: 8/28/12, IVF injection class: 10/11/12, add FaBB Tab for FVL, +Vitamin D.
    IVF #1: 10/17/12 Baseline: FSH- 9.4, E2- 24, LH- 3.7, Prog- 0.3 The u/s showed 6 follicles in my right  & 9 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 10/21/12: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning.
    ER 10/28/12: 13 Retreived. 7 Mature. 6 Fertilized. 5 Made it to PGS. ET 11/2/12: CANCELED. All 5 came back from PGS as having "severe abnormalities."
    IVF #2: 1/7/13 Baseline: FSH- 8.8, 4 follicles in my right & 6 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 1/11/13: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning. hCG Trigger 1/16/13
    ER 1/18/13: 9 Retrieved. 5 Mature. 5 Fertilized. 2 Made it to PGS. ET 1/23/13: CANCELED. All embryos (he even sent the ones not growing) came back from PGS as having "multiple severe abnormalities."
    IVF #3:     NEW RE! 3/1/13 Baseline: FSH- 9.6, E2- 61, Prog- 0.94, 3 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle& 150 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/7/13: Add Ganirelix SQ in AM. hCG Trigger 3/9/13 SQ.
    ER 3/11/13: 6R, 2M, 2F. Day 3: one 8 cell, grade 0.  Five day ET 3/16/13: one early blast, grade Fair. 3/24/13 AF came a day before beta. BFN
    IVF #4:     (Added acupuncture to this cycle.) 3/25/13 WTF & Baseline: FSH-11.8, E2- 56, Prog- 0.84 3/26/13 Start stims. 3/30/13 u/s: 5 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 225 Bravelle& 225 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/31/13 Add Ganirelix SQ in AM.hCG Trigger 4/3/13 SQ.
    ER 4/5/13: 5R, 3M, 3F naturally. Day 3: two 8 cell, grade 0, one 8 cell, grade 2 (Scale 0-best to 3-worst). Five day ET 4/10/13: two blastocysts (the 3rd stopped growing.) Beta 4/18/13: 2.5 BFFN. RE recommends we stop trying and focus on living childless, due to the extremely poor quality of my eggs.
    ***Decided to stop trying and live CFNBC. I couldn't adjust. So, six months later...
    IVF #5: Changed RE. Going to one of the big name clinics now. OWDU: 10/29/13. Update: HORRIBLE experience. Disgusted and distraught at their complete unprofessionalism and how much money and precious time they cost us. Sickening. Have now changed RE again. New Patient appt. 1/30/14.
    BFP! Out of nowhere, I got KU the old fashioned way! POAS 1/26/14 - Positive! FDLM 12/30/13. Beta #1 16dpo= 373. Beta #2 18dpo= 801. EDD 10/6/14
    2/4/14 1st U/S revealed a 5wk2day sac but no fetal pole. Started 200mgs of progesterone suppositories daily
    2/11/14 2nd U/S revealed a perfect 6wk1day "diamond ring" embryo with a beating heart! 138bpm! Add 1mg folic acid and 40mg Lovenox
    2/25/14 3rd U/S: perfect 8w1d embryo, 178bpm. 3/6 start spotting. 3/11 10w1d U/S shows no heartbeat. Scheduling D&C. The Stork has forsaken me again.
    IVF #5.2: New in-state RE. Supplement priming for 1.5 cycles prior to start of cycle, including DHEA 50mg (stopped 5/15), CoQ10 200mg 2x/day, L-Arginine- 1000mg 2x/day (stopped 6/5 due to cold sore!), myo-inositol- 2g 2x/day, melatonin- 3mg, and Neevo (prenatal for MTHFR).
    5/16/14 Day 2 bw cycle prior: FSH- 12.22, E2- 38.37, Prog- 1.35, LH- 9.46. 6/2/14 Day 19 bw: Prog- 23
    6/12/14 Baseline: E2- 122.7, Prog- 0.4. 5 follicles in left, 4 follicles in right. Start stims: 375IU Follistim & 150IU Menopur. 6/19 Increase Follistim to 425IU, Menopur still 150IU. 6/18 add Ganirelix. 6/23 Ovidrel trigger SQ. 6/25 ER: 8R, 8M, 5F naturally. Start Medrol & Doxy. 6/26 Start Endometrin. 7/2 Start Lovenox.
    7/8/14 Beta= 137.4 BFP!!! (My first from IVF!) E2- 1109, Prog- >60. Stop CoQ10, myo-inositol, and melatonin. 7/9 2nd Beta= 281.4. TSH- 2.70. Increasing Synthroid to 100mcg daily. 7/24 6w3d u/s measured 6w3d, hb: 121bmp! 8/5 8w1d u/s measured 8w3d, hb: 164bpm! Graduated from RE to OB. Now I just need to find an OB!
    EDD 3/18/15!

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  • DawnHopeDawnHope member

    imageHeathernSteven:
    Even if you can't get tests there are things you can do to help your chances, like temping to make sure you O and using OPK to see when your LH surges are about to happen., check your cm when its like eggwhites its a good time to get busy!! Good luck!

    This! We tried a few months on our own in a very "let's see what happens way" but the first month I used the CBEFM I got PG.  Good luck to you and I hope all of your dreams come true.  This is a great board with amazing, supportive ladies.

    Me-42 DH-43 TTC #1 since 3/11
    HSG 7/11 showed possible blockage
    8/11 BFP, then early m/c  (Natural)
    9/11 blood tests reveal Factor V Leiden (heterozygous)
    11/11 Hysteroscopy revealed uterine septum, which was repaired
    12/11 1st round of Clomid (100mg)=BFN
    1/12 2nd round of Clomid (100mg)=BFN 
    2/12 Repeat HSG=All clear 
    2/12 IUI with injectables #1=BFN 
    3/12 natural cycle=BFN 
    4/12 IUI with injectables #2=C/P 
    7/12 IVF #1=30ER, 9F, 3T, 1 Frostie 7/29=BFP! 
    8/27/12 No Heartbeat. Waiting to M/C 
    9/13/12 D+C
    12/12 Operative Hysteroscopy 
    1/31/12  IVF#2 ...BFP 2/6 m/c 2/12 methotrexate due to presumed ectopic
    July '13 IVF #3: 13R, 10M, 8F=BFP
    1st Beta=549  2nd Beta 594 3rd Beta 422. M/C #5
    IVF#4 in November=BFP…TWINS!!!!!

    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • QzeesQzees

    Welcome.  I am in a similar boat - I'm 42 & got married to a 34 yr old man 8 mths ago.  1st marriage for both of us & no kids.  Sometimes the right one takes longer to come along.

    Will insurance cover any bloodwork?  They may cover that, I would call them - maybe it is just procedures like IUI & IVF that they don't cover.  Not sure about a SA, but they are not horribly expensive - I think ours was around $125-150 and I am in NJ, not the cheapest place to live.  Our insurance covers everything except IVF - ugh, just what the RE is recommending. 

    Check out Fertility Friend and learn about your body & the signs it gives us every month.  OPK are also important - don't assume you are the typical 14 day "O" girl.  GL

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  • Jacque SillsJacque Sills member

    imagehappywifemomofone:
    Welcome to the group!!  Many of our stories are similar-we got married later in life and waited for the right men.  Hope that you will hang around and get to know the great group of ladies around here.

    This.....  Best of Luck to you and your hubby, Dab. 

    Lilypie Trying to Conceive 15 to 80 day cycle tickers
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  • lrosy13lrosy13 member
    Welcome and Good Luck. I hope that you get your BFP soon. Temping and OPK's will help you to know what is going on with your body. Try the Fertility Friend app if you haven't already.
    My Ovulation Chart Me-35, DH-39. TTC#1
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  • MsRo1976MsRo1976 member
    I am in the same boat as you. DH has 2 kids from a previous marriage and he said the same thing to me... and I lost it when he did. My step kids have a mother, and it isn't me. I want to carry a child, and breastfeed, and see parts of me in it. I want to start fresh and I want that child to be MINE. Not because I married their father, but because it came from me. I do love my stepkids very much, but it isn't the same. I don't think they will ever understand how we feel because they are already fathers, and we are not mothers yet. 
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