Hi! I have questions and need help from other experienced mothers. I practice attachment parenting...breast feeding, bed sharing, baby wearing, etc. I am a server on the weekends to help support our little family, and my boyfriend (baby's father) watches her on those nights. LO is 4.5 months. At first, it went pretty well...she napped for a greater portion of the evening. She is not great at taking a bottle (my milk), but usually drank around 3-4 ounces. Then...in the last few weeks, I think she began realizing that mom is gone. She cries and cries and cries, nothing works, including all of the tricks he used before. She gets angry with the bottle and refuses it. She'll now only drink 1-2 ounces and doesn't nap the way she did in the beginning. I EBF, and I am trying to figure out what to do to help the situation. We've tried everything...rocking, walking, distracting, walking and feeding, rocking and feeding, swing, sassy seat, boyfriend wearing my shirt, pacifier, etc etc. nothing works anymore. My boyfriend suggested we give her a bottle every night during the week to get her used to the idea come the weekend. Which means I'll have to give her the bottle most of the week while bf is at work, and he'll do the other half. I love breast feeding, the closeness..,the comfort and routine, and I know that's what makes her happiest. So if I give her a bottle at night I will have to pump to keep my supply up. I dread the idea of her having to take a bottle even though I'm right there...and could be breast feeding her. But if it will make the weekends go smoother for her in the long run I know it'll be worth it. Does anyone have any advice on this topic? Anyone have similar experience? I wish I didn't have to work at all but I have to!! I do everything on demand with her and I hate the idea of imposing some type of schedule. I need any suggestions/advice younger have to make things better...
Re: help for daddy while mom is at work
How long are you gone in the evenings? Is it like just 5 hours? Make sure you nurse her just before you leave and inmediately upon your return, and give her some skin to skin too.
I would hesitate to offer a bottle when you're home. When you're there, I'd do breast only. There are other ways to give her milk, if she doesn't like a bottle. Since she's 4.5 months old, he could try a sippy cup with a soft nozzle. He could also try letting her sip from a regular cup or even using a dropper to give her breastmilk.
Has your SO tried skin to skin and humming? Also, if it's not too cold outside, one thing that helped my DS was when DH took him outside briefly. DS also liked to be worn by DH. I worked from when DS was 3 until 8 months old and DH took care of him. He cried for me a lot too and didn't take a bottle. He ended up reverse cycling, nursing a lot when I was home.
DH did find his own rhythm to caring for DS, but it was an adjustment since DS naturally prefers me. It took some time but it was ok. Hang in there!
It's tough. It will start to get a little easier as she gets older. Like PP mentioned, you could try a sippy cup. My LO refuses a bottle as well but she loves a sippy cip. It will take some practice and be messy at first, but she might like it. I started practicing with water around 6 months and she loves the sippy now. So I might give her expressed milk that way if I ever need to. You could also try some different types of nipples for the bottle.
The PP mentioned skin to skin. I think that is a good idea. Also, what do you have for a baby carrier? Some baby carriers work nice with skin to skin so your DH can move around the house or even go for a walk with a zip-up hoodie over top. I like the moby wrap for skin-to-skin as it covers you up in the front and gives a nice swaddled feeling for the LO.
I guess I'm not sure why you dread giving her a bottle? Pumping isn't really a big deal and is usually necessary for working moms. I pump during the day and DH or my mom gives him a bottle. I nurse all times before and after work. Unless you want to quit your job, you're going to have to get her used to taking a bottle. I think SO's suggestion is a good one, though I don't think it's necessary on every night. Maybe he could give her a bottle on nights he's there even if you're there, too. That way she gets used to taking one but isn't getting one every night.
But honestly, and it sounds like I'm in the minority on this thread, I don't see why replacing one feeding with a bottle would be a big deal. It's a nice way for her to bond with her dad and allows you to work. Win-win.
DD 12/20/99, DS 12/14/12, M/C 9/2014, M/C 1/2015
What kind of time does your SO spend with the baby when you're around? I am all for a mother's bond, but I think a father's bond is important too. I think it's a good idea for your daughter to spend lots of daddy time when you're not working. It makes it an easier transition for her when she's able to realize that daddies are just as good as mommies (even if they don't make the milk).
I agree with letting him find his own groove, and sometimes that means stepping back and letting him work things out in his own way. From the brief picture I'm getting, it sounds like he's supportive and wants to spend time with your daughter, but probably gets frustrated that she isn't "easy" right now. Which is understandable. And I think the more time he spends with her, with and without you, and the more he discovers what works for him (which may or may not be the same things that work for you) the easier it will be on everyone.