UPDATE: Did I cross a line?

oskie&grungie

Don't know if anyone really cares, but I figured I would update you ladies after all the good advice you gave me.

We went to pick up the boys from their mom's last night and I pulled BM aside to talk to her.  I spoke in generalities, because I know that she and my SO's sister ARE close and I didn't want to take away her confidant, so to speak.  I said that several people had brought up the nicknames I use for the boys and the way I claim them as my little family, and I told her that I wanted to make sure she was comfortable with it because some people had pointed out that she might not be, and I didn't want to overstep my bounds.

She told me that it did not bother her.  Apparently my SO has spoken to the boys about possibly marrying me some day, to ensure that they were okay with it, and they both talked to their mom about it.  She said they have nothing but good things to say about their time at our house and about me, and that she is glad that I love them and want them to be as much a part of our lives, if not an increased part of our lives.  I guess my SO has dated some real "winners" that the boys did not like and/or BM was not comfortable having around the kids, but she likes me and likes the way the kids feel about me.  I thanked her but made sure to tell her that if she has any issues ever, she should please tell me or SO and we will do what we can to correct it.  She is their mom and no matter how much they like me, she is more important and comes first.

So I'm going to take that as the OK to continue doing what we've been doing.  Id she feels differently, I'll have to wait for her to say something to me or my SO. Thanks for all your advice ladies, I do appreciate it!

bratty44

Wow that's great. It's awesome that you all get along so well. You seem to have lucked out in the BM department. Don't let SO's sister bother you, it's not her place to say anything.

+just+j+

oskie&grungie

bratty44:

Wow that's great. It's awesome that you all get along so well. You seem to have lucked out in the BM department. Don't let SO's sister bother you, it's not her place to say anything.

I really, really did.  Sometimes she does things that make my head hurt, but I can only imagine she feels the same about SO and his way of parenting, or me and things that go about at our house if the boys complain.  In the end, she's very graciously allowed me to be a part of the boys lives, and she and SO are great at the co-parenting thing, so I will not complain.  

guilletskichuk

bratty44:

Wow that's great. It's awesome that you all get along so well. You seem to have lucked out in the BM department. Don't let SO's sister bother you, it's not her place to say anything.

This!

hopanka

A lot of times its not that someone just lucked out. it has very little to do with luck, but with YOUR approach. You are not stomping your feet, demanding like you are her equal and im sure thats what makes her relax and be gracious back. Some SM's are very forceful, in your face, want to be involved in everything, and in the end make coparenting impossible. Some of which are on this board. You are a breath of fresh air.

Littlejen22

I am glad it is cool with her and the kids seem fine with it which I already said was most important. But I will still say that "claiming" them as your. "Family" when you boyfriend is just considering possibly marrying you some day is still weird. He is making no committment to keeping you in his life and you are saying they are your family. That sounds to me that you think this relationship is more serious right now than he does.

nattyncbride

hopanka:

A lot of times its not that someone just lucked out. it has very little to do with luck, but with YOUR approach. You are not stomping your feet, demanding like you are her equal and im sure thats what makes her relax and be gracious back. Some SM's are very forceful, in your face, want to be involved in everything, and in the end make coparenting impossible. Some of which are on this board. You are a breath of fresh air.

 

This! Yay!!! 

HChad

YAY!!!!!!!  It's a testament to both you and BM that you can have a relationship like this.  I hope for something like this in the future for myself, DH and ExW.  Congratulations on being a wonderful person!!!!!

twister22

Serious kudos to you! I really appreciate the mindset you take with this and the respect you have for BM and your BF situation, it's quite refreshing.

oskie&grungie

Thanks for all the compliments, ladies.  I'm not quite sure I deserve them - I am sure there are probably times BM has bitched about me and my involvement, as she has the right to do, because I am human.  And I do love being involved with those boys -- they are GREAT kids (in no small part to BM and SO and their good co-parenting relationship) and I'm having so much fun getting to do things with them...like the little one playing baseball for the first time, and the oldest asking me for help on his French homework.  But if BM were ever to ask me or ask my SO to ask me to back off a bit, I would.

Would I be disappointed and probably complain a little (a lot) and whine? Heck yes. But she's their mom and I have to respect her and her wishes (unless they're completely unreasonable, but they never have been so I don't think it would start now.)  My mom and dad split when I was 16 and I just try to put myself in my mom's shoes. That helps.

Thanks again for all your advice and the compliments. Its nice to know I'm going about this the right way! (SO tells me I am but I think he might be a little biased :P)