How long did they tell you to wait before TTCAL?

Xath

It's been 2 months since we lost Eleanor.  My brain keeps frantically searching for some sort of reason that would explain why she was taken from us, and the thing it seems to have latched on to is that I need to have another baby, a baby that I wouldn't have had if she were still here with us. 

My OB says we need to wait at least 6 months before TTCAL. But my body and brain keep wanting to be pregnant.  I can't take the risk of trying sooner; my uterus was rupturing as they opened me up for Ellie's delivery, and I was 10-months post C-section when I got pregnant with her.  I don't want to risk this happening again, but for some irrational reason I feel like I just need to get pregnant as soon as I possibly can; definitely before October.  And I'm petrified that not only will I not be able to get pregnant by my brain's deadline, but I won't be able to get pregnant at all.  Or I will get pregnant, and even though my OB says it's ok, it'll still be too soon and this will happen all over again.

If you decided to try for your rainbow, how long did your doctor say you needed to wait?  How did you cope (are you coping) in the mean time? 

Edit:  I want to clarify that I am in no way trying to replace my daughter with another baby.  I would love to have more children, and I will love any and all I am blessed to have, but none will ever be a replacement for Eleanor.

meli1025

I know this feeling of wanting to be pregnant again so badly.  I can share with you my story.  My doctor told me to wait 6 months to a year,  I pressed him to understand why so long.  He told me that it had more to do with healing emotionally, so I pressed him again to find out when it would be safe for me to be physically ready.  He then reluctantly said after two or three cycles.  That was all I needed to hear.  Three cycles later we tried, got pregnant, and had an early loss.  I was still grieving hard, still crying over Ava regularly, still having that horrible gut wrenching pain deep inside over my loss.  It was too soon and I do believe that my stress and grief contributed to the recent loss.  I'm benched now for two months and have decided to take an additional two months after that so I can enjoy my family vacation at the end of June without worrying about TTC or stressing about whether or not I could be pregnant.  Now, I feel liberated.  I'm living my life and focusing on healing properly before trying again.  I'm exercising and getting healthy so that when I am ready I am really ready.  Coping much better now than I was in January when all I could think about was having another baby.  It consumed everything in me.   

I know that you are not trying to replace Eleanor.((((((Hugs)))))) 

ajustice25

To gertie..I definitely know how you feel..I know it might seem early but the day me and my husband delivered aria,we were already discussing trying again..but my ob told me to wait 2 to 3 months which is in April..it's funny bc I too have a deadline for me to get pregnant,it seems that I'm most fertile in the middleend of April and possibly beginning of may..so it's perfect that she told me to wait that Amt of time.. My babies are always due in January..my 2 year old soon,who I had premature at 23 weeks came in sept 2010 but wasn't due until jan 16,2011 and aria was due jan 22,2013 but I had her on jan 10th..I'm on birthcontrol now until my pill run out which is next week..I feel eager to be ready for April/may..so you are not alone when it comes to having a deadline and wanting another baby..

ajustice25

My doctor also wants me to wait 2 to 3months so me and my husband can do testing,mainly me and make sure we're healthy..

OSUWifey09

I was told I could try again as soon as I was ready but I had gotten a certain shot [don't remember which one now] that required I wait 90 days, so we did. Tried in December, no pregnancy, wacky cycles...so I took a mental break, took a physical break by getting on BC to regulate my cycles, and I've been focusing on me and my health. I've lost weight, started getting in shape and just concentrated on my life and my family. My BC is up in April, and we'll try starting in May.

I remember that allconsuming feeling of needing to be pregnant again. I'm so glad I didn't get pregnant in December; I definitely was not ready, even though I thought I was. While I still want more children, the overwhelming need isn't there as much anymore. I'm hoping that counseling will help me through TTC, because I'm sure I'll be a mess. Hang in there.

silverlining8d

My midwife said 3 months but if we were to do that we would likely have a baby due around when Sebastian was and I don't think I could handle that so I've told SO I want to wait 6 months which gives me time to get healthy and work for a while to save up some money and maybe get a down payment on a house of our own together.

PinkCamino

I totally understand the desire to want to be pregnant right away. I gave birth to still born twins and in the weeks following my loss the only thing I could think of was getting pregnant again. I was obsessed and felt that it was the only way to move on.

My doctor also told me 6 months. I was told that my body needed that amount of time to recover and I was livid that I couldn't start trying right away. I guess I felt that at least trying would give me some sort of comfort.

It's been a rocky road for me medically. I'm not 4 months out and I totally understand why my doctor said 6 months. It seemed like an eternity at the beginning but now as I inch closer and closer to that milestone, I'm grateful that I followed my doctors advice.

I'm so sorry for your loss (HUGS)

jebretz

I just met with my doctor on Thursday, and he is firm on the 6 months.  He actually prefers long, but that it the minimum he would be comfortable with.  He specializes in preterm delivery (which is what I dealt with) and he said that research shows that there is a significantly higher risk of recurrent preterm delivery when pregnancy occurs within 6 months.  

But, I can completely sympathize with the feeling of needing to be pregnant again. The next 4-7 months are going to be hard, but I am going to follow all advice to hopefully prevent having another loss.  

HullGut

I know exactly how you feel. At first the need to be pregnant again was roaring all the time. We were told to wait 3 months so last month we started trying. My cycle was still off, now it is back on track. I am trying more aggressively this month and will be for a few months. If it doesn't work I will take the summer off and start trying in the fall again.

My therapist has really helped me work though these emotions and realize I am ready and need to be ready for this journey. It's scary but she and my husband will get me through it.

Hugs to you. 

sand&starfish

I could have written most of this, and understand exactly how you feel. I feel like having another baby that I wouldn't have had if Nathan was here will help me be able to look at that baby and know without Nathan, I wouldn't have had them. In my head it helps me feel better.

 I met with my doctor on Thursday, and he said I could try whenever I was ready, but I didn't have a c-section, and was only 23 weeks along. I am doing my rounds with consults with MFM docs now, and we'll probably start actively ttc in May, hopefully after I've had a transabdominal cerclage placed. 

 I also plan on continuing to see my therapist through the ttc and hopefully pregnancy journey, as it really has helped so much so far and I know it will be difficult. 

I know that this whole thing, especially waiting is so, so hard and, frankly, unfair because it's not what we planned on doing, but I'm hoping that it will be as good as it can be for you, and that time passes quickly. 

bunnybun4

My dr. Also originally said 6 months, however I had an appointment this past week and she told me I could start next cycle (which will be roughly 4 months out).  She told me that she originally said 6 because it was all so traumatic that she just wanted to give me a number at the time to put some space between our loss and trying again...I guess for mental reasons.  I do feel like this is the first few weeks I have actually felt a little more normal and a little more at peace with my loss.

i think everything you are feeling is natural...the week after my loss all I could think was how I wanted to be pregnant again...and we all know you don't want to replace your sweet girl...but to me it seems like one of my steps in my healing is getting pregnant again...I Don't know why and I know my next pregnancy will be full of mixed emotions but I know I do want to take that step.

((hugs)). I would definitely listen to your dr. But maybe you can reopen the conversation and ask for reasons why he wants you to wait so long. 

ehlersm

**ticker**

I lost my boys at 22 weeks and my doctor told us to wait a minimum of 6 months. It felt like the longest  6 months of our lives, but I am very glad we waited. I wouldn't have been ready any sooner. 

I understand the aching feeling to get pregnant again. I too was very worried and anxious that I wouldn't happen again. Focus on healing mentally and physically and getting yourself as healthy as possible for your rainbow.

 

jess123456

We were told to wait 2 to 3 months but we are waiting 7 one more month. I also understand the need to want to try ASAP. We also had two early losses very close together before losing our daughter and waited a full year before trying for her. Waiting can be so hard but for us we needed the break to help heal ourselves emotionally as much as possible. Since losing my daughter I have made goals for myself in regards to getting physically healthy again as well which has been rewarding because it seems to be the only thing I can have control of.

rachel31486

I have two healthy boys age 6 2. My husband and I wanted to try again to see if we would get a little girl.... We lost two babies 1 at 20 weeks and 1 at 38 weeks!! We lost Rylee at 38 weeks on 9/16/2012.... We are now expecting a baby in August!! We waited 3 months. Found out I have a blood clothing disorder..... It's really hard to not worry because I'm scared if every little pain!!! But trust me its worth it!! Get a good doctor who's willing to watch and monitor you very closely!!

MAYashes86

At my 3 week follow-up, I was told to try to wait 2 or 3 months before trying to get pregnant, but that I would probably ovulate within 10 weeks of my son's death. We don't use any form of BC however, and our entire OB office is Catholic as well, so any suggestion from them is just that, as believe in being open to conception. I desperately want a baby though, but I know the baby I want is Benjamin. I'm not sure whether we are going to actively TTC or not yet.

Poppy715

We were never given a time frame where we were told to wait. I've been so surprised we weren't given one. The doctors have all said not to rush things or get pregnant immediately. They have said to wait a while and let my body recover and go back to normal. I've had several different doctors say to wait but it is frustrating to not have any set time. We want a baby so badly but know getting pregnant right away might not be the best idea for us. I'll start back on bc as soon as my period returns.  

Cranang

I had Celeste on October 31, 2010. I had Sabrina on October 27, 2011. I got my period back in early January, and I conceived the next month. I was never given a timeframe either. I was actually surprised I got pregnant again so quickly...

magdalina.h

ticker warning

 

 

 

My OB told me 6 months because I also had a c/s. At 4 months she called to check on me and said that if I got pregnant now it would be okay. We decided that since I was coming up on ovulation that we'd try. I got pregnant with Lucas that first cycle. I had a rcs with Lucas and was told again to wait 6 months.

Make sure that you are mentally AND emotionally ready. 

Heatherhah

If you decided to try for your rainbow, how long did your doctor say you needed to wait?  How did you cope (are you coping) in the mean time? My regular ob said wait 6 months I had a non eventful C section with Sydney. I spoke to my MFM and he said it would be okay to try at 6 weeks since typically you are healed after 6 weeks. We didnt get pregnant until 6 months out so my body decided for me. We tried like crazy for those 3 months and I was still grieiving it was so tough. My issue was that I was also turning 39 and time was sort of against me. I am glad that i didn't get pregnant the same month we conceived Sydney since it would have been so har domcparing pregnancies and babies. I am glad that it worked out like it did for us.

I won't lie being pregnant after losing a baby to stillbirth is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Heather

luvmyfireman

My Dr told us to wait 3 months. He said to give me time to get AF back and then to have at least 1-2 AF to regulate and then to try. We want to try again, but plan to wait about 5 months just because the timing is better. Also....it's been 6 weeks since we lost our sweet Thomas, and emotionally I am just not ready. I don't think I will be in just 6 more weeks. It went by fast!  I had him at 19w3d and delivered vaginally. I had no medical issues and we don't know why he passed, so there are no issues with my body that affect TTCing or getting pG again.

normajeane6126

I don't know that my doctor gave me a timeline. After Isaiah died, I was very determined that we would not try again until at least a year. We're almost at the 6 month mark & we've talked about TTC in the near future.