TTCAL CheckIn

Mrs Nice

Hello Ladies,

Welcome to Friday TTCAL Checkin!

I hope I can find you all well and positive this week! Please don't be shy in asking the PGAL/PAL ladies questions if you have them. Lots of baby dust on all of you!

Where are you in your TTCAL journey?

Do you have any relevant appointments upcoming?

QOTW: When you do get Pg again, do you have a plan that will help with the fear of the same thing happening again? Who will be your biggest support?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

fluttergirlmoonchild79

Where are you in your TTCAL journey?

Cycle 4, CD 16

Do you have any relevant appointments upcoming?

I'm going monday to talk to my dr. about my thyroid and hormone levels.  I've been doing everything to lose weight and haven't lost a single lb.  Wanting to make sure everything is ok.

QOTW: When you do get Pg again, do you have a plan that will help with the fear of the same thing happening again? Who will be your biggest support?

Since Corbin became an angel because of RSV the plan is to either never leave the house or live in a bubble.  I'm kidding.  Kind of.  We plan on limiting visitors etc.  Our families are supportive of this idea (at least they say that now.)

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

How awesome DH is.  He bought me tickets to see my favorite band last night.  He doesn't like my music and I've made him take me more than once.  I hadn't even told him about the concert yet so it was a total surprise.

HullGut

Where are you in your TTCAL journey? 

I am in my 3rd cycle and its cd 5--bring it on March. I am really hoping this is our month.  

Do you have any relevant appointments upcoming? 

No appointments

QOTW: When you do get Pg again, do you have a plan that will help with the fear of the same thing happening again? Who will be your biggest support? 

Hunter died due to a horrible cord accident during birth. His cord kinked and he was without oxygen for a couple minutes. Even though having a vaginal delivery is not what caused him to die I will never be able to push again. I just could not do that to myself. My next baby will be taken out by c section at 38 weeks or once the lungs are developed. I think having a date of delivery will help me. My therapist will help me a lot and my family and my husband. My Mom lost a baby at 37 week during birth too. She is a huge support and I am her rainbow baby. She will help me a lot too. I think I will be nervous until I hear my next baby cry.  

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? 

February was hard on me. I struggled a lot and felt depressed quite a bit. I am just so sad without Hunter here. I am trying to lose the baby weight but it is hard when your so sad and you just don't care. I hope March is a little bit easier on me.  

Bayberry12

Where are you in your TTCAL journey? 

First cycle TTCAL after TTA 2 cycles post MC.  I'm on CD 14.  We are "really trying" this time; I've started charting and temping and I even bought OPK's.    

Do you have any relevant appointments upcoming?

Nope, I'm all caught up on appointments and consults.

QOTW: When you do get Pg again, do you have a plan that will help with the fear of the same thing happening again? Who will be your biggest support?

My husband will without a doubt be my biggest supporter.  We will have to get each other through it when the time comes.  I know I will need the support of other loss moms who have been through this too.

Our plan for next time is increased monitoring, beginning at 24 weeks.  For me it's not whole pregnancy that scares me, it's the last few weeks.  I know I will never go to 39 weeks again, I will most likely be induced right at 37 weeks.  I have already told me acupuncturist I want to start induction sessions right at 36 weeks!   

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Really hoping to get pregnant this cycle.  Next month will be one year since we lost Stella and I really wanted to be pregnant again by now.  But also thinking that if I do get pregnant, realistically, what are the chances I wont have a miscarriage?  It's so hard because for me, pregnancy does not equal a baby.   

 

Bayberry12

HullGut:

 I think I will be nervous until I hear my next baby cry.    

I think most of us feel this way, I know I do.  It sucks we wont get to have a happy worry free pregnancy, our fears will always be there in back or our minds.      

Bayberry12

fluttergirlmoonchild79:

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

How awesome DH is.  He bought me tickets to see my favorite band last night.  He doesn't like my music and I've made him take me more than once.  I hadn't even told him about the concert yet so it was a total surprise.

How nice of your DH to surprise you!  I hope you have a great time at the concert! 

tuscanbride2007

Where are you in your TTCAL journey?

Cycle 10?, CD 5

Do you have any relevant appointments upcoming?

No.

QOTW: When you do get Pg again, do you have a plan that will help with the fear of the same thing happening again? Who will be your biggest support?

My doctor has told me that I will be able to come in whenever I need to. She actually tells me that now. She also says that she doesn't want me to go past 37 weeks, if the baby's lungs are developed enough. She wants me to deliver before my loss date. DH will obviously be a great support, but I also have a really good friend who is a doula. She is the only one (besides DH) who knows about my last loss and she has been amazing. She is routing for me to get pregnant again and has been a fantastic source of strength through all of this.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Feeling broken. I feel like my body failed to give me Annabelle and that my body is not allowing me to carry another baby. I never thought I would lose her and I didn't think it would take so long to get pregnant again. 

HullGut

 HullGut: I think I will be nervous until I hear my next baby cry.    I think most of us feel this way, I know I do.  It sucks we wont get to have a happy worry free pregnancy, our fears will always be there in back or our minds.   I agree it is the only thing us baby loss mothers can think of just waiting for that cry... 

fluttergirlmoonchild79

HullGut:

 HullGut:

 I think I will be nervous until I hear my next baby cry.    

I think most of us feel this way, I know I do.  It sucks we wont get to have a happy worry free pregnancy, our fears will always be there in back or our minds.  

 

I agree it is the only thing us baby loss mothers can think of just waiting for that cry... 

I wish I could stop feeling nervous after my baby is born alive and cries.  I don't think I'll ever have comfort of my nerves.

katyms7

Where are you in your TTCAL journey? Cycle 3, day 30 something. Do you have any relevant appointments upcoming? No. I saw my RE this week and will have a HSG in March and if all is clear, starting Clomid in April or March. I don't seem to ovulate on my own. QOTW: When you do get Pg again, do you have a plan that will help with the fear of the same thing happening again? Who will be your biggest support?   It is terrible but I don't think I will ever be able to enjoy pregnancy as much because of the anxiety factor associated with it. I will have more monitoring, more US to check for problems starting at week 9. My husband is my biggest support. Familiy and friends will also help. Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?   I just want a baby so bad (which we all do). I can't stop thinking about TTC and being pregnant again. I want to have a family here with me so badly.

kikibelle

Where are you in your TTCAL journey? 

Cycle 7, CD 11

Do you have any relevant appointments upcoming? 

No, after a flurry of appointments over the last two weeks. All results of my fertility workup were normal, so now just waiting to see if I'll o on my own this cycle.

QOTW: When you do get Pg again, do you have a plan that will help with the fear of the same thing happening again? Who will be your biggest support? 

I'll have more monitoring starting around 34 or 36 weeks, and will probably be induced around 38 weeks. As desperate as I am to get pregnant again, I'm terrified. I know both firsthand and from participating in forums like this how much can go wrong. DH will be my biggest support-he always is. He's a sweetheart and knows me very well, and he's a physician, so he's trained to be objective about things like this.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?  

1. I've been imagining Julian as a cute, roly-poly 7 month old a lot more lately. It's a nice break from reliving the night we found out he had died, but it's still painful.

2. Getting the hell out of here. I live in the northeast, and DH and I are headed to the Caribbean for a break from the winter. Even though it's unlikely to happen, I can't help but hope that I'll ovulate next week and we'll conceive our rainbow. Hey, a girl can dream... 

HullGut

Flutter girl I completely understand why you feel that way. You have lived the nightmare and I'm sure it's so scary to think about doing it again. Do you think once you get past the age of your son passing you will feel better?

le+petit+soleil

Where are you in your TTCAL journey?

*hopefully* about a month away from re-starting puregon/follistim injections and about five to six weeks away from a first IUI. 

Do you have any relevant appointments upcoming?

i was supposed to see a nephrologist on Monday to see if the pre-eclampsia had damaged my kidneys; however, the appt. was in the same hospital that i had all my prenatal appts, where i gave birth to little sun and where he died.  when i started thinking about the appointment two days beforehand, i had a panic attack, so my wife cancelled the appointment.  i also have to see my new gyn again in the next few weeks and *BEG* her to let us start.  i have to hope my bp has finally gone down enough and that she won't be too insistent on my being back at pre-pregnancy weight (i am 40, after all, so it's not like it falls right off).  

QOTW: When you do get Pg again, do you have a plan that will help with the fear of the same thing happening again? Who will be your biggest support?

i wish i had a plan.  since we don't know how he contracted meningitis, there's not a lot we can do.  i asked if a c-section would prevent it happening again and they told me that it wouldn't.  

obviously, hearing our rainbow baby crying won't much of a relief for me or my wife.  little sun cried nearly constantly during his short life because of the pain he was in (it makes me want to cry just writing that.) i doubt either of us will get much sleep for the first few days (weeks? months? years?) of our rainbow baby's life.  Froggy (my wife) will be my biggest and probably only support....she's my rock.

lolee465

le+petit+soleil:

obviously, hearing our rainbow baby crying won't much of a relief for me or my wife.  little sun cried nearly constantly during his short life because of the pain he was in (it makes me want to cry just writing that.) i doubt either of us will get much sleep for the first few days (weeks? months? years?) of our rainbow baby's life.  Froggy (my wife) will be my biggest and probably only support....she's my rock.

I just wanted to give you a big ((hug)) after reading that.