Will it get easier??

pathfindermon

I know that the answer is yes but I'm having a rough night. One of my friends just had her FT baby tonight. I knew she was due but when I read her post on Facebook, I started to cry. I've had other friends have lo's since I has DS and it hasn't bothered me this much. I think it might be that both of her pregnancies and deliveries she also has a 1 1/2 yr old son were easy. Or maybe it's because she had a girl and I'd really love to have a daughter one day but were probably done having kids. I don't know what it is but I just wish that I wasn't still such a mess about my son coming early. I guess I'm just jealous bc I missed out on the normal FT birth experience. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for her. Shes a great mom and deserves her beautiful kids. Ugh. Sorry for rambling on but it feels good to get it off my chest to people who understand. I know that I should find someone to talk to about this. Does anyone have any advice on how to find someone? I have gone to a counselor in the past but I feel like it will have to be the right person for me to talk about this with.
Thanks for listening!

Cara03

I had so many of the same feelings for so long. It has passed for me now; DS1 is 3 yrs old.

To finda cunselor I started with a list of counselors in network for insurance, knew i wanted a female so narrowed down the list and then started looking them up online. Also narrowed down by calling to see if hey were taking new patients and if their hours were favorable to my schedule.  Then I just followed my intincts to choose. I LOVED my first counselor. Then she moved after a year. 2nd one wasn't a good fit for me so I tried someone else and also really like her. She's my current one. I can't say enough how much counseling has helped me.

It WILL get easier. Hang in there. It's all normal given our experiences. 

KatFCo

I don't have any insight on finding a counselor, but it does get easier. It will sometimes be hard, though. Even though DS was a FT baby, I still feel pangs that I missed out on that experience with DD.

It does get easier, but it never really goes away. The trick for me was to remember that no one's experience is perfect (even those who seem to be). Some people have rough pregnancies, others have colicy newborns, others, like us, have preemies. The experiences don't equate, but everyone has something they have to deal with.

Brummy14

I totally relate. A friend from high school had literally the exact same due date as me, and a totally uneventful pregnancy. Then my childhood friend just delivered this near 10lb behemoth 6 weeks after my due date...I mean, my girls are almost 4 months old and aren't as big as her term baby. Sigh.

It smacks me most in the face when I see them post photos with all the friends and family they have visit right away, or hosting a 'Sip and See' open house, or being able to ...gasp... put their LO in child care at their gyms so they can work out. All those 'normal baby' things. That kills me the most. That, and the complete germophobe crazy person I've now become...such that I now think all those parents are crazy handing their newborn around like a hot potato. Oy.

Ah well, this flu season is just about over, and I'm optimistic next year will be an ultra mild season after this year. It has to be, right? It's okay to hate those with normal pregnancies just a little.

But, like PP said, we all have our struggles...baby related or not, and these are our cards, our burden to bear, challenge to overcome. Hang in there!

PhillyGal34

Hugs. I agree with pp that sometimes it's best to realize that not everyone has it as easy as we think. I have plenty of friends who had a lot of trouble getting pregnant. One friend took 3 years and then had a horrible birth and her son barely sleeps at one year old!!! Another took 2 years to get pregnant and threw up her entire ft pregnancy. What I went through was hell but I can't imagine they had it any easier... Even with full term babies. I remind myself of this when I get jealous or upset. I have a healthy amazing son who fought like a champ for everything he has... Reminds me of me and I couldn't be prouder.

I've read that some people have called their nicu for counselor suggestions.

Best of luck. I think we've all been there. I remember going to a baby shower after DS was home from nicu but before he was due. It was the worst experience of my life. I'm going to one next weekend for a family member and I'm beyond excited. I think time has helped me a lot.

kelkel09

My twins are 18 months old and it can still be hard for me. My friends are all starting to have babies now and it can be difficult to see them going full term and having wonderful birth experiences. I am SOO happy for them, but it's also hard because it makes me sad that I didn't get that and we had to go through so much (and are still dealing with a lot) because of how early my twins were born. Hang in there! The feelings are normal!

Bluebird2318

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I know exactly how it feels. It seemed like I was finally starting to get a handle on my emotions regarding my daughter's premature birth, only to have all that heartache be replaced by the fact that I would love to have a second child someday and my husband would not. It definitely hurts to see all my high school friends/acquaintances pregnant (especially those having their 2nd or 3rd), and it seems like at this age as soon as they are having their babies, even more are announcing. It's a strange situation to be truly happy for people and yet so jealous at the same time. For me, I find what helps is trying to focus on the positive things, because in so many ways my situation could be much worse than it is. Despite the struggles, we preemie parents still have many blessings. 

You have a wonderful, beautiful son. And no matter what else happens or doesn't happen, you are a mother, and there are many amazing things in store for you. You have earned your happiness and your peace and I hope you find it! I wish I had advice about finding a counselor, but PP have already covered anything I could think of quite well.  Best wishes, and know that you are certainly not alone in this!

pathfindermon

Thank you ladies. As usual your kind words have helped me! I'm doing somewhat better today. I've been doing better which is why I get upset when all those emotions come flooding back. I'm so thankful for my beautiful and healthy son! And I am happy for my friend. It's just sometimes I'm still mourning the fact that I didn't get a "normal" delivery where I could hold my son after. And of course remembering our days in the NICU. I do have 2 other friends due in the next month. But, at least I won't be as surprised if I have the same reaction.
Thanks again for the support ladies! I hope you all have a great weekend.