Raise your hand if it's never occurred to you to not say "no."

Mrs.Hizzo

S/O of the parenting mistakes post below, obviously. 

And yes, I have my hand up in the air.

lindslalala

I say "no" all day every day. DS is into everything. I was told "no" as a kid and I see zero wrong with it.

Laineybelle

:: raises hand ::

bridein08

Uh, me. I see not ever saying no as a problem....

hjk5000

The only reason it's occurred to me is because I've read about it on the bump. I like the reasoning behind it but it just doesn't come naturally to me.

Mrs.Hizzo

And to clarify here, I'm not saying I judge if you don't say "no"....I'm just saying it's seriously never occurred to me not to.

Laineybelle

I'm not sure if this really goes hand in hand, but I also don't have a problem with kids' sports teams keeping score and declaring a winner. That's how it was done when I was a kid, and I'm not a screwed up adult because of it. 

BetsyH729

I say no.  I do redirect, but the word comes out of my mouth daily.

BetsyH729

amy052006:

bridein08:

Uh, me. I see not ever saying no as a problem....

Yeah, this point has been beaten to death.  So either people aren't reading or don't care.

Here's the thing, when I actually say no, DS1 knows it is some serious ***.  he stops in his tracks.

I'm not going to blow that tool that actually works really well in important situations because I can't come up with a more creative way to let him know it isn't time for a lollipop or that we don't write on the wall. 

I'm surprised this is so foreign to people -- I have friends with all sorts of parenting styles who do this.

If you want to say no to a toddler fifteen times an hour, rock on.  For us, we have found the word works really well, even at a young age, because we limit it.  It doesn't mean your kid does what they want -- it means you find other ways to say it.

Although, I do think lots of people like to say "no" for ridiculous power trips with toddlers.  My kid likes to take stuff in and out of the fridge, so we let him to it while we cook dinner.  Who cares?  it doesn't bother anyone, he puts everything back.  I am sure plenty of people on this board would have a total power trip with their toddler over that. 

 

I am not sure  I see wasting energy (open fridge) as a power trip, but I still see your point in letting kids be kids. 

notkateanymore

I say it, but not as much as I used to. It doesn't work with DD as well as with some kids. She needs a short explanation and then we're good.

Mrs.Greg

I tend to say no and redirect at the same time. Just because that's what seems natural. Like "No no, we don't jump on the couch. Let's sit and read a book."

anchalmasako

I didn't know it was a thing to actually NEVER say no unless it's an emergency. I do get it, now that I'm aware of it. I catch myself sometimes before I say "No!" and try to re-word, but I don't think I could survive a day without saying no to my toddler.

bumpuser8448316

amy052006:

bridein08:

Uh, me. I see not ever saying no as a problem....

Yeah, this point has been beaten to death.  So either people aren't reading or don't care.

Here's the thing, when I actually say no, DS1 knows it is some serious ***.  he stops in his tracks.

I'm not going to blow that tool that actually works really well in important situations because I can't come up with a more creative way to let him know it isn't time for a lollipop or that we don't write on the wall. 

I'm surprised this is so foreign to people -- I have friends with all sorts of parenting styles who do this.

If you want to say no to a toddler fifteen times an hour, rock on.  For us, we have found the word works really well, even at a young age, because we limit it.  It doesn't mean your kid does what they want -- it means you find other ways to say it.

Although, I do think lots of people like to say "no" for ridiculous power trips with toddlers.  My kid likes to take stuff in and out of the fridge, so we let him to it while we cook dinner.  Who cares?  it doesn't bother anyone, he puts everything back.  I am sure plenty of people on this board would have a total power trip with their toddler over that. 

I totally agree with everything you said. I knew early on that I didn't want DS's world filled with, "no" and "don't touch that." Anything I really don't want him into or he could get hurt with (or break) has always been out of his reach or blocked off by baby proofing.

He used to empty the napkins and place mats out of the buffet several times a day. Cool, it kept him busy while I did ____ and nobody got hurt. And it took maybe a minute and a half to clean it all up.

I find that DH and I naturally sort of trend away from no though, because just a NO doesn't really teach him anything. Using Amy's examples, if he asked for a lollipop we're likely to say something like, "not right now because we need to eat lunch." or "how about an apple if you're hungry?" I like giving him reasons/explanations instead of directions.

MrsBalletStar05

Yeah, it never occurred to me not to say, "no".  I say it often.  I've never knowingly come upon a family that purposfully does not say the word, "no".  I HAVE come across families who do not like to turn down their children's wishes. O.o  those kids are fun to deal with.  Or not :-/

jenniann87

amy052006:

bridein08:

Uh, me. I see not ever saying no as a problem....

Yeah, this point has been beaten to death.  So either people aren't reading or don't care.

Here's the thing, when I actually say no, DS1 knows it is some serious ***.  he stops in his tracks.

I'm not going to blow that tool that actually works really well in important situations because I can't come up with a more creative way to let him know it isn't time for a lollipop or that we don't write on the wall. 

I'm surprised this is so foreign to people -- I have friends with all sorts of parenting styles who do this.

If you want to say no to a toddler fifteen times an hour, rock on.  For us, we have found the word works really well, even at a young age, because we limit it.  It doesn't mean your kid does what they want -- it means you find other ways to say it.

Although, I do think lots of people like to say "no" for ridiculous power trips with toddlers.  My kid likes to take stuff in and out of the fridge, so we let him to it while we cook dinner.  Who cares?  it doesn't bother anyone, he puts everything back.  I am sure plenty of people on this board would have a total power trip with their toddler over that. 

Yes. All of THIS. DS knows when we say no we mean business. Are there times where it slips out sure but 95% of the time I try and use other ways to redirect him and explain why he cant do whatever it is that he is trying to do or wants.

DS also likes to take everything out of the cabinets and "reorganize" them for me. It keeps him busy and entertained while we are in the kitchen and I am cleaning up or preparing a meal and no one is harmed by it.

Andrewsgal

I am pretty shocked people have only heard about this on the bump, it is pretty basic child development 101.that being said, I do say no, and shockingly my kids listen.

Dochas

I can't believe that people still don't understand that you can stop a child from doing something without using the two letters N and O together.  It has been explained very clearly.  How thickheaded do you have to be to NOT understand that not using one word 1000 times a day doesn't mean that you allow your children run of the house?

alli2672

I don't think I could avoid such a common word around my child without seeming wierd, contrived, and fake. 

Like you don't even say "there are no cookies left?"  Or "no, I don't think nana is coming down this weekend?"  You never say "no" around your child at all?  That just seems difficult and unnecessary. 

Also, are they allowed to say "no?"  Or do you just avoid "yes/no" questions? 

eaglesfan700

I understand the reasons not to use no and agree in theory, but in practice it just doesn't happen and frankly I never really tried.

I find that my kids respond more to the tone of my voice than to the words I am saying 

Andrewsgal

alli2672:

I don't think I could avoid such a common word around my child without seeming wierd, contrived, and fake. 

Like you don't even say "there are no cookies left?"  Or "no, I don't think nana is coming down this weekend?"  You never say "no" around your child at all?  That just seems difficult and unnecessary. 

Also, are they allowed to say "no?"  Or do you just avoid "yes/no" questions? 

Are you really this dense? Or did you not read this post and its replies? I am really hoping it is the second, but I bet it is the first, this is not that hard of a concept to understand.

Andrewsgal

eaglesfan700:

I understand the reasons not to use no and agree in theory, but in practice it just doesn't happen and frankly I never really tried.

I find that my kids respond more to the tone of my voice than to the words I am saying 

I get it too, and just by the nature of my profession don't use it a lot, but this whole post and the other about it are just stupid. There is nothing wrong with the word no, it makes no difference to my kids if I say no or rephrase it, never has. Kids are smart enough to know you are saying no even if you say it differently. It is big in the behavior and child development world, but honestly I think it makes very little difference.

Dochas

Andrewsgal:

eaglesfan700:

I understand the reasons not to use no and agree in theory, but in practice it just doesn't happen and frankly I never really tried.

I find that my kids respond more to the tone of my voice than to the words I am saying 

I get it too, and just by the nature of my profession don't use it a lot, but this whole post and the other about it are just stupid. There is nothing wrong with the word no, it makes no difference to my kids if I say no or rephrase it, never has. Kids are smart enough to know you are saying no even if you say it differently. It is big in the behavior and child development world, but honestly I think it makes very little difference.

It might make very little difference with your kids, but I can imagine that avoiding overusing the word makes a difference with some kids.  I wouldn't stand around counting how many times someone used the word NO with their kids and think they should stop using it. LOL.  But I can see that if someone was looking for a different way to discipline or manage a child's behavior this could certainly change things with some kids.

hjk5000

Dochas:

I can't believe that people still don't understand that you can stop a child from doing something without using the two letters N and O together.  It has been explained very clearly.  How thickheaded do you have to be to NOT understand that not using one word 1000 times a day doesn't mean that you allow your children run of the house?

I didn't want to beat this horse to death but here I go. Most people on this board/in this thread get the difference between not saying the word no when telling your kids not to do something and letting your kids do whatever they want. Pretty sure most of us can agree that redirecting, teaching and explaining are going on with both sides regardless of that one word choice.

ryry1977

Hand is up right here.

nosoup4u

Hav=Fath:

Obviously me. I redirect a lot... my booger is into everything. But I'm not opposed to using the word, even when her life isn't in danger. 

It's another thing that I really think mainly belongs on the bump... I think most people IRL (at least around here) normally tell their children no. 

I have a friend IRL who was shocked when her first kid started saying "no" at 18 months, because she made a point not to say "no" to her DD. Not kidding. 

SheLovesMrHip

::: also raising hand::::