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iheartsippycups
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SO #1 Children #2?
iheartsippycups
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in Parenting
Giuliana Rancic (E News) did an interview with US Weekly & made a statement that her relationship with her husband Bill comes first, and her child second.
What do you think?
My opinion is that of course it is important to maintain a strong healthy relationship with your SO, but I also believe that once you have children, they should become your top priority.
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Re: SO #1 Children #2?
Good point
DS2 August 2012
I think it's tricky. I don't love one more than the other - just in different ways. As of now, their needs have never been at odds. You know, my husband doesn't need anything from me that I can't give him because we have a child.
I will say that my husband always tells me he loves me more than anyone or anything in the world. He doesn't specifically say, "I love you more than our kid," but the implication is that I come before anything. I always scoff and he insists it's true. So perhaps, I do come first for him.
I love DH. I chose to spend the rest of my life with him. But, when it comes down to it, DS is a part of me, and his needs come first.
I really, really dislike Giuliana Rancic, and this just makes me not like her even more.
Your SN is freaking awesome. That is all.
DS2 August 2012
I feel the same. But putting his needs first doesn't mean DH isn't my priority, if that makes sense. DS depends on me to meet his needs, and I will do that.
But DH is my big priority, since we'll be the ones hanging out once the kids leave.
Does that make sense? I don't see them as mutually exclusive. DH and I put DS's needs first, but we make an effort to emphasize to one another that our relationship is a priority.
I think knowing what a need is matters as well.
See, I've always loved her & her husband. I have watched their show since the beginning. And this statement kinda makes me not like her. I need to know if the statement is black & white, or if there is some grey to it.
While I would never ignore DD's needs, DH comes first.
I think that in the short and long run, my kids will benefit more coming from a family where the marriage is strong than one where kids are number 1 but the parents are not connecting; and in order for us to do that we need to invest time in each other. IMO it takes "work" to stay in love with your SO, since you could grow apart over time and need to find ways to fall in love with them again once things get stale. I'll love DD no matter what, I don't feel I need to invest time in her to love her like I do.
Having said that, if DH was ever to put DD at risk I wouldn't hesitate for a moment to put DD first.
I think a child's actual needs come first (like, if it's between me serving dinner to H or to B first, B wins or if we only had one functioning bathroom, she gets to go first).
However, I also know that H and I need to maintain and work on our relationship for a multitude of reasons, one, I want to model a healthy adult relationship for her and two, we work better as a team and as parents when we are happy with each other. So if there was a choice between date night and taking her to the restaurant with us, we come first and need that time sans child and sans household duties to think about to connect, talk about our days, the news, future plans, etc. Unless we carve out time to do things like that, it seems non-chore related time together falls to the wayside and we just aren't as happy. I also have no qualms about child-free vacations and think that we absolutely need them as a couple.
So I think it's more of an actual needs vs. "wants" balance in my mind. Would it be nice for B if we took her out to every restaurant we went to? Sure. Would we go insane if we never had time to just be about us rather than being about the kiddo? Yes, definitely. I always remember my parents getting take out on a Saturday night, they would set it out in the dining room (we never ate there) and banish us kids to the tv while they enjoyed their adult dinner. They did that as a cheap date when they couldn't spring for a babysitter or when they couldn't get one and made it as much about time for the two of them as possible.
BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10
BFP #3 Finn born 8/11/15
[url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1cb8c4.aspx[/img][/url]
I agree. Having our daughter didn't make us care about each other less- in fact, I fell even more in love with him when I saw him become a father. The family as a unit should be the priority- not one indivicual member over another.
To me, her statement is indicative of how selfish she is. She wouldn't even gain weight to help increase her odds of getting pregnant.
No, I know the child won't be neglected & i know they love their baby. I just don't like that statement. She should have said something like, maintaining a strong relationship with your spouse is important, and our child is our top priority right now. I guess it annoys me because I watched their show for years trying to have a baby, having a miscarriage, getting breast cancer, finally deciding to have a surrogate carry the baby, and then watching when he was born- they finally got what they wished & prayed for, then to just say, "my husband is my #1". I don't know, it just bothers me, I can't explain it...
This. I think it's simplistic to say that one is better than the other or more important. It's a shifting network we live in and how we allocate our time and effort shouldn't always be the same from week to week.
BFP #2 5/27/12. EDD 2/1/13. m/c and D&C 6/21/12.
I consider my children top priority right now. They are my responsibility until they become adults. My DH gets plenty of my attention though.
My daughter's immediate needs and general well being come first.
But my relationship with my DH is so very important to me, and we are committed to making ourselves a priority by going on dates and even taking vacations alone (gasp!).
I do understand what GR means.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
My child's needs come before my husband's. My relationship with my husband comes before my relationship with my daugther (which is not to say that I don't treasure that relationship, too).
My daughter is here because of the foundation DH and I built. When she moves out and begins a life of her own, DH and I will still need that foundation.
Burned by the Bear
Ditto Hilarity and Mbenit.
This!
Our family as a whole is our priority. We raise the children to the best of our abilities and have a healthy marriage.
I'm ignoring them all equally right now. I like to be fair.
She is not the first person to make this statement publicly. Hilarity hit the nail on the head in her original explanation. I don't understand all the hate.
I think maintaining a strong marriage and relationship with my husband, the father of my child, is actually A PART of caring for my son....he needs that stable home, and needs to witness a healthy relationship....so yeah, it's extremely important and when you look at it that way, my relationship with my husband "comes first"....for both our sake, and also the sake of our son though.
But I think of it more as a package deal, rather than one or the other...both my husband and child are equally important when it comes to the order of priority...But their needs are very different...so, I cant say that I'd consistently drop one over the other, there are needs one has that supersede the other and vise versa, it just depends on what it is. If that makes sense...
So yeah...I guess if you break it down, OVERALL the child's needs come first, but PART of the child's needs is to have two parents who are in a healthy relationship, so that is where "the relationship comes first" idea makes sense...
Yeah, that's some bullshiit right there.
BOOM! This is a fantastic answer!
I give them both their needs. The difference is my husband is a grown asss man and can take care of himself. DD gets priority at times simply because she is a toddler and isn't allowed to use the stove or sharp objects.
+2
dafuckings?
I was out of line. I just really despise her, and remember reading an interview she did with People or something about her weight and her IF and it rubbed me the wrong way. I feel for anyone who struggles to have the family they want, and obviously they can prioritize their family any way that suits them. Their way just isn't what works for my family. I do apologize to anyone I may have offended.
I'm not Christian, or affiliated with any religion, but I thought this was a Christian belief. We have some pretty staunch Christian friends who follow the "spouse first then kid" way of thinking. FTR, "follow" isn't the best word, as I don't really know that there's anything done differently on the day to day.
Anyway, when it first came up around me, I was like, "O.o Hehh?"
Oh calm down. From someone who struggled with infertility, I am in no way saying that if you had infertility issues, you can't put your husband first. I don't want this to turn into an infertility thing, I'm sorry if I brought it there. I simply don't like the statement she made, and I will leave it at that. I also agree with a lot of what you guys said.
This.
Overall though, how often to we really have to choose? Every member of a family has to make sacrifices sometimes for the well-being of another member. Those sacrifices don't come down to who you love more.
But I guess if DD and H are dangling off a cliff and I have to let go of one to hold on to the other, well...sorry H.
Hah! Yeah, nevermind. This.