Feeling guilty...

CaraLynn91

With DD, I was 18 years old when she was born. I had an epi, didn't ask many questions, didn't wait to cut the cord, didn't do immediate skin to skin.... Now with this one, I've read a lot more, researched a lot more, and made a ton of different decisions regarding this birth. Even considering switching doctors if her policies are what I've heard they are I haven't asked about natural birth policies yet.

For some reason I feel guilty that I didn't give DD that natural birth, etc. I just fed on everything I was told, and believed it all. DD is a happy, healthy, smart 2yo. I know she's fine, but I feel like things would have been easier.

 

Just had to vent. No one but SO knows or understands how much doing this naturally means to me. I just feel DD got the shaft.

blush64

I don't think there is anything wrong with an epidural. I certailny don't see a reason for you to feel guilty about giving birth to your daughter with an epidural.

Your opinions changed after learning more about options and now you want to do something else. That's fine. but that doesn't mean your last birth was something to be ashamed of and that you should regret it. You said your daughter is happy, healthy and smart. It sounds like you should be happy.

I had my first son when I had just turned 18 and I did so without meds but a couple years later I had my second son with an epidural. I have no guilt. I did what I needed during that labour and he is healthy and happy. (and over 14 now)

Skin-to-skin is great but it seems like your daughter did well without it. Don't beat yourself up. Have the birth you want this time and don't spend your time or emotions thinking about what you could have done. .

Racie

Just remember that these things (no meds, delayed cutting, skin to skin) are statistically better, but any given individual can have a birth without these and still have the best outcomes.  It sounds like your daughter is one such individual!  

You sound like you're a great mom who is interested in doing the best for your children.  No need to feel guilty!

CaraLynn91

Thank you for the responses! I appreciate it. I guess I just feel like I gave her the shaft. Lol

My labor and delivery were fast, and amazing. I really shouldn't be ashamed of anything looking back. She's everything I could have wanted, and now I'm blessed with another daughter.  

margeincharge3

Like others have said, do not feel guilty. Is your daughter happy? Yes. Is she healthy? Yes.

We beat ourselves up way too much for the choices we make. With my vbac I chose to get an epidural for various reasons. My son is perfect. He has not suffered for one second because I didn't delay cord clamping or because I got an epidural. Anyone who suggests otherwise to you is just being a jerk.

aylafsu88

margeincharge3:

Like others have said, do not feel guilty. Is your daughter happy? Yes. Is she healthy? Yes.

We beat ourselves up way too much for the choices we make. With my vbac I chose to get an epidural for various reasons. My son is perfect. He has not suffered for one second because I didn't delay cord clamping or because I got an epidural. Anyone who suggests otherwise to you is just being a jerk.

I completely agree.  You have a happy and healthy DD which is all that really matters.  I think as moms we beat ourselves up for choices that we make.  It is really hard for us to not judge ourselves and the choices that we make.

iris427

aylafsu88:

margeincharge3:

Like others have said, do not feel guilty. Is your daughter happy? Yes. Is she healthy? Yes.

We beat ourselves up way too much for the choices we make. With my vbac I chose to get an epidural for various reasons. My son is perfect. He has not suffered for one second because I didn't delay cord clamping or because I got an epidural. Anyone who suggests otherwise to you is just being a jerk.

I completely agree.  You have a happy and healthy DD which is all that really matters.  I think as moms we beat ourselves up for choices that we make.  It is really hard for us to not judge ourselves and the choices that we make.

All of this. I had an epidural and a cesarean with my firstno delayed cord clamping, no immediate skin to skin time, etc. she doesn't care. She is a happy, healthy child. I don't feel like she got the shaft. Cut yourself some slack, how you give birth is not what makes you a good mother.

tokenhoser

Eh, we work with the information we've got. I'm sure I don't make EVERY parenting decision to the BEST choice. Guilt is a pretty useless emotion. Move forward, do the best you can, and don't get hung up on stuff that can not be changed.

ridedatbike

theres nothing to feel guilty about you had a healthy baby. I mean the most mommy and baby friendly way is natural and now you know that.  I wouldnt tell you oh ya just do it again since it worked the first time since i personally dont believe in medicated births but thats not to say youre wrong or you failed.  Success is a healthy baby  There for you succeeded and you should give yourself a few more points for learning new things.

rm2013

Racie:

Just remember that these things no meds, delayed cutting, skin to skin are statistically better, but any given individual can have a birth without these and still have the best outcomes. nbsp;It sounds like your daughter is one such individual! nbsp;You sound like you're a great mom who is interested in doing the best for your children. nbsp;No need to feel guilty!

This!