Devastated.

Vane0325

I'm 34 years old. My husband and I have a beautiful two year old boy. We found out in December that we were expecting our second child. We were so happy. I went in for my first ultrasound when I was six weeks pregnant. I heard the baby's heartbeat and I was so excited. After a few days, I started to feel anxiety and didnt understand why. I made an appointment to see my doctor but they told me that I needed counseling. I felt ok after a few weeks but my husband and I decided to see another doctor.

My husband is a Marine and we have great insurance but the doctors aren't so great. We went off base to see a doctor but it took weeks to find one that would see me right away. I finally went in for my first visit at 13 weeks with a doctor that seemed perfect!! They did an ultrasound and he wasn't happy. He then told me that he wanted to do a vaginal ultrasound and my heart sunk. I knew something was wrong. I was spotting a few days before and there was some light bleeding the day before my appointment. I thought it would have been ok. But then the doctor told us that there was no heartbeat. He told us that the baby stopped growing about 3 weeks ago. I had a miscarriage. My husband and I are devastated at this point, of course.

I never knew anything about miscarriages so I asked many questions. The doctor said that my body would "pass" the "product of conception" naturally. We scheduled an appointment for Monday.

We came home with heavy hearts. I took a shower and sat down with my son and suddenly I felt a gush come down. I ran to the bathroom and I started bleeding heavily. The bleeding wouldn't stop. It continued for about 15 mins and I started to feel like I was going to pass out due to the bleeding. I called my husband in to help me and he had no choice but to call 911. The paramedics came in and noticed all the blood and rushed me to the ER. Once I was at the hospital, I had some blood work done and they said that my pregnancy levels were low and that meant that my miscarriage was over. They sent me home. I rested.

The following morning I felt ok physically and carried on. I went to the kitchen to make something for lunch when I started to feel cramps. I leaned over on the counter and my husband asked me to sit down. As soon as I did I had to get right back up because there was another gush. This time, I didn't make it to the bathroom so I left a trail of blood behind me. I thought it would end soon. I sat on the toilet and waited. After about 15 mins, I started to feel dizzy and called my poor husband in again to help me. He knew the signs from the night before and called 911 again. They came in and walked into what seemed like a crime scene. There was blood everywhere. I had blood running down my legs. I tried to clean up but I could barely breathe. They rushed me to the ER again and noticed that I hadn't stopped bleeding. The doctor was concerned about the blood loss and called in an OBGYN. They decided that I may need a blood transfusion so they prepped me for that. The doctor suggested that I needed a DC to help me "pass the product of conception" and to stop the bleeding. We agreed. It's been a painful, heartbreaking and devastating experience.

I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. I keep asking my husband if he's ok. And he may think I'm crazy. I just feel numb. I don't know if I'm still in shock. I don't know of I'm in denial. I feel broken and incomplete. I don't blame myself at all but I don't know what to think, how to feel or what I'm supposed to do next. I don't know that I want to try having another baby. I don't think that I can deal with another heartbreak.

justneh

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.. I had to take the injection to stop my baby's growth just today as it was an ectopic and I feel extremely miserable and devastated.. I can't even begin to imagine your loss and how you must feel.. But please don't lose hope.. Everything happens for a reason and I'm sure you'll see that very soon.. Take care of yourself..

dragonfly711

I also sorry you had to go through that.
I had spotting on the 15 with a clot had US and an exam all was good. Went back a week later for my first exam. No heartbeat. I was so numb. Hubby was not w me since we thought it was just an exam and all was fine last week.

I had a DnC the next day last Friday. I am sad empty and feel not pregnant anymore which I absolutely hate.

I took this week off work. Now I am fighting a bad head cold w a bad cough Xray of chest ok.

We are trying to get through this. I have had no bleeding from the DnC except this morning. No pain either. I am hoping I am healing and we are waiting to be able to try again.

I know when we so get pregnant again. It is going to be so hard just waiting to get over the first trimester praying nothing happens again.

Please if you need anything talk to me or all of us. We know what you are going through might not be exactly the same but a loss is something we will never forget.
We are here for you.

AlwaysSunny08

I'm so sorry for everything you had to go through. I also have a two year old and never expected to go through a miscarriage. It's been two and a half weeks since my d and c and I'm starting to feel like myself again. I still think about the miscarriage every day but can't wait to start ttc again in a few months. Feel free to PM me if you need anything at all. Hugs.

SA1112

I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had a terrible experience. ((hugs)) I say to just feel how you feel and it will just take time to heal. It is definitely scary to think about trying again because with that comes the possibility of another loss. You just have to wait until you want a baby more than you are scared of another loss. It's so hard though to think of going through this experience again. I just went through my second loss and I'm still here and want to try again in the future. It sucks but we will survive this. Hang in there.

SaraY82

I'm so sorry for your loss ((hugs)).  And I'm so sorry that you had to go through that experience.

I just lost mine on Tuesday and am waiting for a d&c.  I can't even imagine trying again.  

We all need to grieve and it takes time.  It may be a few months, may be a year or more.  No one will be able to tell you when it's time but you.

 

LizaC79

I'm so sorry for your loss and for what sounds like such a scary experience.  I hope you find the support you need here.  Hug your beautiful son tight and give yourself and your husband time to grieve -- don't feel like you need to be on anyone else's timeline.

Big hugs. 

Strunella

I'm so sorry for your loss.  It sounds like you had a terrible experience, but hopefully the worst is behind you (at least the physical part) and you can now start to heal.  I also have a 2 year old boy and suffered two losses last year (three overall).   Both were missed miscarriages after seeing heartbeats at 6 weeks.  I had a D&C for all of my losses and I think that helped me to move forward.  I still think about them all the time, but I also try to remain positive about TTC again.

Vane0325

Thank you all for sharing your stories. I know that I can work through it all. My problem is that I haven't been able to cry or feel anything. I feel sad of course but mostly numb. I've been feeling better since the D/C. I just feel a little light headed and my head continues to hurt. I have good support system but they're all on the east coast so it makes it harder for me. I'm also trying to make sure that my husband is ok. He saw a lot this week. I just want to feel better so we can move forward as a family. Thanks again ladies. I don't feel so lonely anymore.

SarahMeyer0823

You're definitely not alone! I'm glad you found this board. When I found out that our baby was gone, I was heartbroken. On the day of my d&e I was completely numb.

There isn't a "right" way to feel - some days you'll be sad. Other days angry. Some days you'll feel ok. It really is a roller coaster of emotions. 

I'm so sorry for your loss  

bellybaby

Similar experience here. I hemmorhaged 2 months after a D and C. I called 911 and was home alone with my 2 year old. I didnt pass out because I honestly forced myself not to since we were home alone. I kept thinking about my daughter. The paramedic told me my blood pressure was too low and I was losing lots of blood so I was going to pass out, but I wouldnt. I had an emergency D anc C for a molar pregnancy which regrew after my first D and C. I know how u feel. Sorry for your loss