Gift if not attending shower?

MrsJ723

I received an invitation to a shower for a friend.  I use the term friend very loosely-we were never particularly close (our parents are friends), I've only known her a few years, and I haven't actually spoken to her or seen her since DS was born.  I was rather surprised to receive the invitation and part of me wonders if it was strictly in the hopes of receiving a gift. I won't be attending the actual shower and was wondering if I need to send a gift?  I usually would, but since we aren't close, I'm wondering how tacky it would be if I didn't.

Thanks ladies!

CNJ4EVA

I'm no expert when it comes to tacky vs. not, but IMO I don't think you should feel funny about not sending a gift. This may be just me, but if I'm not attending a shower, I almost never send a gift. The only exception would be if I'm super close with the person and I can't attend because they live out of state.

mama&baby

CNJ4EVA:

I'm no expert when it comes to tacky vs. not, but IMO I don't think you should feel funny about not sending a gift. This may be just me, but if I'm not attending a shower, I almost never send a gift. The only exception would be if I'm super close with the person and I can't attend because they live out of state.

This. Unless she went to a shower of yours and gave you a gift, I wouldn't feel obligated. If you have to ask if it's a possibility that she sent you the invite just to get a gift, odds are she did. My rule of thumb- family you always send something. Friends if you wanted to make it but couldn't. Anyone else, don't feel obligated. I know someone who hosted a shower for herself and I went because she was an old friend from elementary school. I thought she was doing it to catch up since we used to be best friends through middle school. Turns out almost no one showed up to her shower, she was pissed, never sent a thank you note, and we never spoke after that. Clearly just in it for the presents. Oh well, lesson learned. 

ETA: Also I traveled an hour just to get to her shower ( I had no idea where I was going). She made a big deal about how there was a list and all of us would be notified when her LO was born so we could come visit at the hospital and said to my face I would be on it. I never received a phone call. Sorry- had to get that off my chest because I was pissed

EastCoastBride

I never feel obligated to give a gift if I'm not going.

cinderin

If you aren't close, I wouldn't send a gift.

tilsonc

She might have invited you so your mom has someone to talk to (assuming your mom is going to the shower).You might see if your mom is getting her something and you guys can go in on a present together? Shower gifts can be pretty inexpensive and there are lots of coupons out to help reduce the cost. I would probably send something if I didn't go. My views have also changed a bit after I had my shower and we received lots of gifts from people that did not or could not come.

1026pumpkin

I agree with PPs....I will send a gift if I was going to get one anyway or if they sent me a gift and I feel the need to reciprocate.  There are plenty of showers and parties I've declined without sending a gift.  I especially wouldn't feel obligated if it seemed like the invite was a gift grab.

guilletskichuk

I'm in the same boat. I was invited to a shower that took place this past weekend. The mom had her daughter in December and I haven't seen her since about a month before she was due. We have worked together in the past, I work with her mom, and my cousin is good friends with her. I would call us acquaintances more than friends. I was only going to go to the shower if my cousin was going...but my cousin couldn't go. I was thinking of getting something for her daughter and dropping it off at her place one of these days but I feel kind of weird about it. If we were close enough that we would meet up for coffee or lunch etc., then this would be a no-brainer as I would feel close enough to give her a present. But I almost felt like the invite was a gift grab. I don't know what to do though because I think she may be invited to my possible future baby shower. Not sure what to do. :S

blush64

If it's a person I don't really know I would let them know I will not be able to attend and leave it at that. I don't think you need to send a gift just because you were invited.

If it were a close friend or family member and I couldn't attend I would still send a gift.

MrsJ723

Thanks ladies! I did RSVP (not attending), but don't think I'll be sending a gift.

rhubarb123

-auntie-:

You were probably invited as a courtesy to your parents given that they are friends of the grandparents.

It's safe for you to take a pass. You might want to run it by your mom, perhaps she'll want to add your name to her gift.

I tend to agree with this.  Hopefully it won't make things awkward when you meet again...especially if she got you a gift or went to your shower.

MrsJ723

rhubarb123:

-auntie-:

You were probably invited as a courtesy to your parents given that they are friends of the grandparents.

It's safe for you to take a pass. You might want to run it by your mom, perhaps she'll want to add your name to her gift.

I tend to agree with this.  Hopefully it won't make things awkward when you meet again...especially if she got you a gift or went to your shower.

I actually don't have a relationship with my mom, so avoiding her is a small part of the reason I wouldn't attend the shower (in addition to the fact that I haven't seen nor spoken to the MTB in over 3.5 years). I don't think she and I will be seeing each other any time soon, so I'm not too worried about any awkwardness.