One of those days...

ajustice25

I'm having such a hard time today,like other days..I'm thinking abt closing down my social sites..there were 3 women that were pregnant and due the same week as me..2 of them had girls and one a boy...whenever I get on Instagram or Facebook I instantly get upset bc they're so happy with their lives right now and get to enjoy their babies..what did I do? Why can't I enjoy my aria?? I miss her soooo bad,my heart is hurting soooo bad..it's broken. I need her..I beg myself everyday to wake up from this terrible dream..tomorrow it'll be 7 weeks..wow,almost 2 months that I last kissed my baby girl.she smelled soooo good,my mom had given her a bath..I feel so bad bc I'm a stay at home mom with my two year old son..it's not fair to him that I'm like this..I shld be giving him way more attention then I do..my husband works from 10:309 so im at home all day by myself with nothing but time on my hands to think abt her..

I put away all her things but her carseat is now in the house.it was in the trunk of our car but we took it out to make room for other things.something abt that carseat,I dnt want anyone to touch it..my son says "baby,baby" pointing to the carseat.. I threw a ball the other day and it landed inside the carseat and I instantly got upset and started to cry.her baby bag is still in the trunk of my car from the day I went to the hospital in labor bc I just knew I was coming home with her.i can't touch that bag,nor look at it..I actually caught myself getting bc before I got pregnant,I've never heard anyone with the name aria but except on a show called "pretty little liars" and I loved it..and now that I dnt have my aria,everyone's naming their child that..I feel angry and offended,but idk why..

I was actually angry at my husband for wanting me to get on birthcontrol right after we had her bc I want another baby..but I understand he wants me to let my body rest before we try again and he doesn't want us to get pregnant again before we get our blood work done..we're getting some testing done on us on the 8th of march to make sure everything is ok with us..if it is,we'll proceed to try again..I'm sorry just needed to vent..thanks for listening or reading...

silverlining8d

I don't know if it would help you but I have hidden all of the women on facebook who post things that upset me (pregnancies, newborn babies, ect) and I go to their profiles to check in when I feel strong enough to see how they're doing. It helps me having some control over when I am exposed to things like that.

le+petit+soleil

i'm so sorry that you're going through a hard time.  please be easy on yourself.  you're dealing with the hardest thing a human being can experience, and you need time and a lot of gentleness (especially with yourself) to heal and find a way to live without your sweet little girl.  

 i ultimately deactivated my facebook account.  each time i logged in there would be a photo of one of my friend's newborn babies, and it was like a dagger to my heart every single time.  and everything people were posting seemed so frivilous, so very unimportant compared to the death of the person i loved most in the world.  do what you have to do to protect your heart and your head.  if that means doing what silver suggested, then do it.  just don't keep torturing yourself, please.

 sending you so many hugs. 

lenya_35

Sending big hugs your way.  I've been avoiding facebook ever since our loss.  I made the mistake of checking one day and saw two friends complaining about how their newborns want to be held all day.  I lost it.  I want nothing more than to hold a newborn all day long.  

Definitely stay away or deactivate your account if that's what your heart needs. 

jess123456

Sending hugs to you. I have blocked many people from my Facebook feed as well as Pinterest etc. Do what you need to do for you. The way I see it, if I can control at least some of my triggers then I will. It's hard enough as it is to be a loss mom, but to have to read about others complaining about their healthy babies or seeing photos that hurt your heart is another thing. Be gentle with yourself and know that we are always here.

OSUWifey09

silverlining8d:

I don't know if it would help you but I have hidden all of the women on facebook who post things that upset me (pregnancies, newborn babies, ect) and I go to their profiles to check in when I feel strong enough to see how they're doing. It helps me having some control over when I am exposed to things like that.

This is exactly what I did after my loss. Even now, I still block pages. I'm better about seeing pictures, but I don't want to see constant posts and pictures like most of my pg friends do. I just can't handle it, and it also gives me control over what I see.

Heatherhah

I definately think it is a good idea to block people on facebook thats what I did. I also think that maybe doing something with your son like every other day to maybe make him smile will help you as well. Spending more one on one time with DD1 for me helped after DH went back to work. I focused on her and making her happy while I was home with her. I found little projects to keep me busy too. It helped a lot.

Hugs to you I am so sorry you are having a tough day. I know the first 3 months were hell for me. It does eventually get easier to go through the day i promise you!! 

Heather

meli1025

I am so sorry you're having one of those day.  ((HUGE HUGS)).  It will be a while before you can see other people's babies and be happy for them.  I'm almost five months out from my loss and I'm just starting to come around and be OK with it.  I agree that hiding those people on Facebook is best, I've done that and once it was no longer in my face I felt so much better. 

I completely agree with the pp that pregnancy hormones + grief is a bad recipe.  I think that my intense grief is the reason why my early loss recently occurred. I was having horrible crying spells which couldn't have been good.  I'm taking a long break now and looking forward to healing properly and being sure that I'm ready. 

 Be kind to yourself.  We are all here for you.

 

bunnybun4

lenya_35:

Sending big hugs your way.  I've been avoiding facebook ever since our loss.  I made the mistake of checking one day and saw two friends complaining about how their newborns want to be held all day.  I lost it.  I want nothing more than to hold a newborn all day long.  

Definitely stay away or deactivate your account if that's what your heart needs. 

this. For a while I was getting on Facebook and "torturing" myself. I would see all of the pregnancy announcements and other things about people's pregnancies and even their kids and I would just get sooooo bitter. I finally decided to take a break and it made life a lot better. Now I get on OCCAISIONALLY just to check out certain things but I try not to look at the feed. It was hard at first but taking a break has really helped me to heal and keep the bitter feelings at bay. ((HUGS))

cmenasco

So sorry you are having a rough time...big hugs to you!!!  Some days are "easy" others are down right ugly.  Hopefully the hard days start to become farther and farther apart.  Until then vent away and hugs to you!!