like being stabbed in the heart (long vent)

lincoln79

i haven't really talked to either my family or mh family that much since the holidays. we decided to keep all further treatment to ourselves, because there wasn't a lot of support coming from them.

my mil called yesterday, which never happens. so i called her back on the walk over to a meeting.

she wanted to tell us that for her birthday next week, she would rather just have money to put towards a tablet. when i inquired what made her want a tablet out of curiosity, she replied "well when i thought i was getting a grandchild (i was pg in august and m/c in october), i wanted to get one so i could skype. since now that isn't going to happen, i just want one to play games"  

really? also, nothing like making me cry right before i walk into a meeting.

i guess i will just intentionally avoid her instead of minimizing interactions. 

mm29

Lincoln,

So sorry she said that to you!  (((Huge hugs)))

joules12

Ohh, that's horrible!  So sorry you have to deal with that from her, lincoln!  Huge (((hugs)))!

liz4paws

Oh my gosh, that's heartwrenching. I am so incredibly sorry that she said that. I would have lost it completely.

rockpaperlove

Many hugs. That is enough to make you wonder whether or not she has your best interest in mind. Some people no tact! Also, I am also not a fan of Birthday gift requests aka demands. It seems tacky. Unless you are the one asking for suggestions. More hugs.

DoublePortion

How insensitive! Ugh, her comment makes me want to rant, but I know that wont help you. Huge ((HUGS))!

katt3233

I wish people would realize how hurtful their comments can be before actually saying them. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Hugs!

PrettyAccountant

What a flippin Beeotch!!! I am so sorry - what an insensitive thing to say! I am outraged at people's stupidity. Honestly, I want to go kick her in the face for you. Send her a dirty tampon as her birthday gift!

BzeetyD

I'm sorry that she said that. I can imagine what a horrible gut punch that was.

I know what she said was inconsiderate and mean, but it actually sounds like maybe she's hurting over it too and unfortunately chose to take it out on you.

hugs.

 

megs3084

How heartless! Im so sorry. Hugs!! If she wants money as a gift, may i suggest you give it to her in pennies in a bag.....thrown at her head. Knock some sense into her.

Julie21613

I cannot believe she could be so insensitive....  Some people shouldn't be allowed to speak.. she is one of them!

lincoln79

BzeetyD:

I'm sorry that she said that. I can imagine what a horrible gut punch that was.

I know what she said was inconsiderate and mean, but it actually sounds like maybe she's hurting over it too and unfortunately chose to take it out on you.

hugs.

 

I think you are right, she is not mean-spirited but just says stupid things time after time. I really am at a loss on how to deal with it. She's my husband's mother, you know? 

AmCheri

Wow.  That's really hateful.  I'm so sorry she said that to you and that you have to endure her general point of view. Sadly, stupidity won't change, but you can modify how you interact with her.  Intentional avoidance sounds like a great plan to me.  Hugs.  

brooklynesque

lincoln79:

BzeetyD:

I'm sorry that she said that. I can imagine what a horrible gut punch that was.

I know what she said was inconsiderate and mean, but it actually sounds like maybe she's hurting over it too and unfortunately chose to take it out on you.

hugs.

 

I think you are right, she is not mean-spirited but just says stupid things time after time. I really am at a loss on how to deal with it. She's my husband's mother, you know? 

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.  Maybe it's her clumsy way of trying to get more info about your treatments or intentions?  Not that I'm saying you should give it to her.  :-/  

Can your DH have a little talk with her to the effect that as much as it hurts her that she doesn't have a grandkid yet, it's hurting you about 1000x more and she shouldn't make comments like that?

LaineyPaney

I'm so sorry. That's so insensitive!

kflynn81

Thats a bunch of asshattery right there!!! I'm so sorry she would say something like that to you!!!

You should give her a picture of a tablet and tell her you were going to get her a real one but when you realized she didn't deserve one you didn't want to waste your money!!!  UGH!!

SweetDahlia

Ugh, I don't think I would be able to talk to her again. I am so sorry.

Gregermis

Seriously?  Couldn't she have just said to play games and left the Skyping bit out?  I'm so sorry hun ((hugs))

Michelle3081

((HUGS)) So sorry. Some people are so insensitive. Had a loss last year too and some people just don't understand.

BzeetyD

lincoln79:

BzeetyD:

I'm sorry that she said that. I can imagine what a horrible gut punch that was.

I know what she said was inconsiderate and mean, but it actually sounds like maybe she's hurting over it too and unfortunately chose to take it out on you.

hugs.

 

I think you are right, she is not mean-spirited but just says stupid things time after time. I really am at a loss on how to deal with it. She's my husband's mother, you know? 

I know exactly what you mean. My MIL was not always the most comforting and often her own anxiety over an issue would come out in the strangest, most unthoughtful comments. I remember she commented when we were planning our wedding that "all the vendors probably just wanted to take our money and wouldn't show up." Needless to say, I was already anxious and worried about things like that. It was the exact wrong thing to say. I was upset by the comment and how inconsiderate it was. But I know that she was nervous about it all going well too. It was a big day for her as well. 

Your MILs comment caught you off-guard too, and came totally off topic.  

It's hard not to take those hurtful sudden comments to heart. You do not need to share your treatment plans and schedules with her, but maybe you could let her know gently that "DH and I haven't given up on having a family" and maybe that would give her some hope too.

zazu13

Wow. Tacky and insensitive. I'm sorry she said this to you. My MIL has said the wrong thing on more than one occasion as well and it's hard to bite my tonuge. I'm sure you'll take the high road, but feel justified in your feelings. Her comments were not well timed or thought out at all.