PPD worsening when returning to work/daycare

lady dixneuf

hi everyone,

I am new to this group and don't know how to search so I apologize if this has been discussed before, as I am sure it has.

I returned to work a few weeks ago (My son was born 10/22) and we started full time daycare this week. While I had always intended to return to work, my husband was layed off while I was pregnant and I had to return a lot faster than expected. It's been a very very difficult year. I'm thrilled my H now has a new (though not ideal) job but I still have the health insurance, etc. and need to work full time in order to earn enough to cover daycare and health insurance, etc. and still actually have money left over.

The guilt of leaving my 4 month old with (very lovely) other people is killing me. I already have PPD issues and I am fighting back the tears all day. I feel HORRIBLE. I'd quit now if I could but then we'd be insurance-less.

Any advice? I am under the care of a psychiatrist and on medication. It seems to help enough to get  me out of bed in the AM and function but not quite enough to make me feel ok. Any advice would be wonderful as I am sure some of you have been through this before.  

Thanks. 

potbellypig

I was worried about this too. I ended up being ok but my job is low stress and my commute is about 5 minutes. It was very hard to leave DD at first, but it gets easier with time. With me, any change is very scarry and potentially bring back my depression and definitely brings back my anxiety. I just have to ride the wave for a couple weeks and I settle into it after a while. Is there anyone at your work you can talk to, even a co-worker on the same level as you? Would that help?

I guess I don't really have any great advice, but good luck. You'll get through it, it's hard at first but it'll get better.

Helenahhandbasket

I was worried about this as well.

I wasn't diagnosed with PPD, but looking back on it, everything seems to fit. I will say that for me, being back at work actually made me feel better.  I felt like I had (and still do) the best of both worlds-- my own time at work, and my lovely little daughter at home for me to return to.

Is there a point in your DH's new job where he will get insurance?  I know for most jobs it's a 90 day wait.  If yes, maybe you and your DH can discuss you being a SAHM once that kicks in?

I am not going to lie and say I don't have bouts of missing my DD-- I do.  It's good that you are getting help, I commend you for that.  I hope it gets easier for you.

LALASEPT05

I am sorry you are going through such a rough time. I don't know that I have magic words to fix your guilt I just think on some level we all have guilt...whether we stay home or work. So I think that even if you didn't work because of the PPD you'd probably have guilt that you weren't contributing to your family in the same way. I think as Mom's we're tough on ourselves...we're are strongest critics. I would just want to say you're doing a great job for your baby and you'll see that as your baby gets older you will still bond just the same and you will still be #1 to your child. Second just to give you a different perspective - coming back to work saved me from PPD/ PPA. Having a purpose other than changing diapers and feeding and having the ability to get dressed nicely everyday and feed good about myself really helped me to get through the PPD/PPA days. It helped me sort of feel more myself or more 'normal' in those early days. I wish the best for you and hope that everything will get easier for you soon.

bethann3181

I wasn't diagnosed with PPD, but my financial situation with insurance is the same as yours.  I will say that the week I returned to work, and my 3 month old son started daycare, I was a complete wreck.  Every night, I was crying to DH, begging him to sit down and work with me on how I could SAH.  When we did sit down, he was like "Bethann, we can sell a car, not have savings, and really not be able to do anything extra - like AT ALL.  But, if that's what you want, we can do it."  It wasn't what I wanted, and after a week, I got more used to our new routine.  I would say, see how you feel over the course of the next 2-3 weeks - let your returning to work adjustment and "emotional dust" settle a bit.  You might feel better about the whole situation.

Again, I'm sorry if this suggestion doesn't help, due to PPD, but I wanted to offer my 2 cents about the emotions of returning to work.

mylittlesunshine

After I had DD1, I had PPD/PPA that I think was caused greatly by returning back to work. I had to go back at 6 weeks pp. I was on medication and seeing someone that I could talk to.

I agree in that as baby gets older and sleeps more, it gets a little easier. I also found that once DD1 wasn't on bottles, it got even easier since I didn't have to spend my evenings after they went to bed making bottles up. I see that it has been a few weeks since you started back. Give it more time. Heck, it took me a few months to be ok with working. Somedays now...with 2 children, I get that wave of feeling depressed that I am at work. Usually it goes away when I go to pick them up and DD1 runs screaming "mama mama" to me and DD2 gives me the biggest smiles.

Hugs and hang in there...it will get better...promise.

semdkm

Hi, there,

I'm very sorry you're suffering through this.  I suffered through PSTD and PPD and those were very dark days.  I went back to work when my first was just three months.  I did it to keep us solvent and cried a LOT, beat myself up about it, etc., but I have to admit that getting back into the working world and seeing colleagues DID help keep me on track emotionally, as much as that was possible.  Make sure you leave some time for yourself--for a walk, friends, night out with hubby, something.  You deserve it--prayers to you. 

thedash

I had a really, really hard time emotionally right after I went back to work. My leave was tough because DS had severe reflux and we didn't get the meds figured out until after I went back to work. So the office should have been a good break for me from 24/7 screaming baby. Instead I just felt horrible.

I'm glad you saw your doctor. I never did but should have. Things eventually got much better for me but it took several months. I agree with PP's who have said to talk about this with DH and find any small ways you can to reduce your stress and make yourself feel better right now. Maybe try to come up with some small routine thing you can do to have time with DS. Set aside thirty minutes every night or each Sunday morning to be snuggle and play time. Or each week plan a new thing you can do with DS that weekend. It also helped me to make a detailed budget and see how much I was contributing to our family by working. Plus, I allowed myself to splurge a few times a month on a cute outfit for DS or some new makeup for myself as a "reward" for going back to work.

Good luck. I promise it will get better!

Shema N

Hi there. Thank you so much for your post. I have PPD and although I have not returned to work yet, anxiety about returning to work consumes me. I?m so glad to know I?m not alone. My work environment is fast paced, the workload is heavy to the point that I have consistently worked  evenings and weekends in the past, and we have new a new department head who everyone refers to as the ?devil?... he brags about firing people at his old job and is threatening the same here.

I also have a  colicky baby and I spend so much time worrying about how other caretakers will respond to/address his very difficult behavior. I love him so much and just wish I had another family member who could care for him.

Anyway, I?ve posted about PPD on this board before and someone had suggested disclosing the PPD diagnosis to HR so I could come up with some sort of alternative work arrangement to ease me back in. Apparently PPD is covered under the Americans with Disability Act. I feel nervous about doing this at my workplace - they are a very tough bunch (my boss has put down another coworker with mental health issues so I know she will not be sympathetic with me) - but could that be an option at your workplace???

I?m not sure if the person who suggested this is still on this board but maybe she will chime in with how best to go about this if you are interested.

Best of luck to you, I understand just how hard it is and I really, really feel for you.