Hello Ladies! I have been lurking more than posting for the last few months cause I cry almost at every post still. I am so sorry that there are new loss moms here and hugs to you all.
I have been super anxious about this new pregnancy and so worried that I had to take a break from the Loss Board....and as I'm nearing my loss mildstone, It's getting hard again and I keep thinking more and more about my little girl. I have had a few break downs this week thinking I should have a 4 month old, and little girl cloths, and I CONSTANTLY wonder what my little girl would look like. Me? my DH? brown eyes? dark hair? No hair like my DS at that age?
How do you think about this stuff with out breaking down in tears? If I think about it, I start balling. The only way I can't cry about her is to try to not think about her (which I don't like). I try to focus on this new one, but then I feel like I am cheating on her. And then I feel really guilty cause I am lucky enough to have another baby on the way and I am super thankful for him, but he is not her.
Sorry if I am rambling.....but these last few weeks have been hard and I am missing her more and more and want to hold her again so bad.
Thank you for listening even if I am making crazy talk. I was going to post on the Pregnant after a Loss board, but didn't want to be a debbie downer and I am feel like I am having more emotions over my Loss than my new pregnancy. I just miss her so much and want to go back to when everything was fine and there was no worry. Where she was tucked away fine in my belly, safe and warm and my future.