Adoption vs Name change

Gatorsgirl731

Hi!  I'm not sure if this is the right board or if I should ask on adoption.

My husband and I married in September.  I have a 11yro DS who has never met his bio-dad.  My ex wanted nothing to do with either of us.  My name is the only name on the Birth Cert.  DH is dad and has been since day one.  DS calls DH dad by his choice.  DS has asked to have DH's name, and unknowingly to us has been using it on his unofficial school papers.

I was wondering if DH needs to officially adopt him, or can we just change his name?  If it matters our state is Missouri.

TIA for any help you can give. Here's some cookies.

Gatorsgirl731

Also sorry I just now realized there is another adoption thread just below.

Sunday924

I only changed my DD's name. We want DH to adopt but we don't know if/when we will be able to afford it.

LilyLove29

It is much cheaper to just change te name, but you can do either. My SIL was in the EXACT same situation, and changed her sons last name to my brothers last name simply because it was more "economical" I guess is the word.

SimpleJane

In my state you can change his name if dads name isn't on the birth cert.

Gatorsgirl731

I really didn't think you could just change the name!

DH said you could, but I was doubtful.  The process for adoption is long and expensive.  Which is sad, you have one man who won't be a father, and another man who is dying to be a dad but they make it harder on him?  Ugh.

Thank you ladies so much!

Ginlyn0

My sister was in a similar situation and in our state she was legally allowed to add her husband to the birth certificate since the bio dad was not listed. Bio dad had chosen not to meet him ever and moved across the country. Her husband had been in her son's life for 5 years when they did this. At the same time he was added to the birth certificate they were allowed to change his last name. This was all through the vital records department in our state. Her son is about to be 21 now. He never had BD's last name though either, he had our maiden name. Her son knows he has a BD but her DH is his dad as far as he is concerned.

sabrina69barnes

Gatorsgirl731:

I really didn't think you could just change the name!

DH said you could, but I was doubtful.  The process for adoption is long and expensive.  Which is sad, you have one man who won't be a father, and another man who is dying to be a dad but they make it harder on him?  Ugh.

Thank you ladies so much!

I'm in Missouri too. You can change the name but you will either need a lawyer or know how and what to file with the courts. There isn't a standard form or anything you can just fill out. You could also have your DH adopt your DS. My DH adopted my DS. We only paid a few hundred dollars and it only took a few months from start to finish.  I'm not sure where in MO you are but the lawyer who handled this process for us was great. I could pass along her info if she is close enough to you.

sonshine0609

We've been wondering about this too. It's a hard decision to make. For us my son's bio father has wanted to be involved but he's not the type you want to want to be involved. He is safely in prison where he belongs, for now, and DH has been the only one my son has known as Daddy. After my ex my family is leery about giving anyone else parental rights no matter how much we trust them so they just want to change his name but I worry about any connection my son has with this man. For now I'm being indecisive but I think we'll be having DH adopt before the ex gets out. 

Gatorsgirl731

sabrina69barnes:

Gatorsgirl731:

I really didn't think you could just change the name!

DH said you could, but I was doubtful.  The process for adoption is long and expensive.  Which is sad, you have one man who won't be a father, and another man who is dying to be a dad but they make it harder on him?  Ugh.

Thank you ladies so much!

I'm in Missouri too. You can change the name but you will either need a lawyer or know how and what to file with the courts. There isn't a standard form or anything you can just fill out. You could also have your DH adopt your DS. My DH adopted my DS. We only paid a few hundred dollars and it only took a few months from start to finish.  I'm not sure where in MO you are but the lawyer who handled this process for us was great. I could pass along her info if she is close enough to you.

This was the first option.  I spoke to a lawyer, and was told that the process takes at least a year, there has to be a home study, we have to contact bio dad, and it's a couple grand. Maybe I should talk to a second attny. We are down at the lake.

RSimons5

My DH married his X when her DS was 18mos. and has been his only dad since.  They have a great relationship but his last name was legally bio dads, and adoption process was convoluted so they, DH&X, never did it while married - he just went by DH last name. Then DH and X split and she refused to allow DH to adopt, but DS "demanded" name change because he did not want to be associated with his bio.  It was an easy process and even though DH has no legal rights to DS, the name has made them closer and made DS feel like he belongs more - his words, not mine! I'm in OR though. Also, I think even if your LN is listed, bio dad has a right to not allow adoption... I think.

bripratt2

sonshine0609:

We've been wondering about this too. It's a hardnbsp;decisionnbsp;to make. For us my son's bio father has wanted to be involved but he's not the type you want to want to be involved. He is safely in prison where he belongs, for now, and DH has been the only one my son has known as Daddy. After my ex my family is leery about giving anyone else parental rights no matter how much we trust them so they just want to change his name but I worry about any connection my son has with this man. For now I'm being indecisive but I think we'll be having DH adopt before the ex gets out.nbsp;

If you don't want Bio dad around I would adopt if you don't he can cone out of the wood work at any given point and be like hey I want custody. His parents could get involved to.