Do you care if your DH looks at...

babyfox22

Porn or pictures of sexy women? 

It really hurts me and he doesn't get that. I know I'm not ugly or not attractive so I just don't understand why he feels the need to look. Most of all I'm hurt because he goes on a car forum that has a thread where all the guys post sexy female pictures, while I'm here on the miscarriage board. I'm still hurting so bad from our loss and he's just having a grand ol time with wondering eyes.  

CinemaGoddess

I think you're being unfair.  How do you know he's having a grand time looking with wondering eyes? 

Sometimes it's helpful to go outside of yourself and look at something pleasing instead of wallowing in grief when something bad happens.   I'm not trying to diminish your feelings about the loss.  This might just be his way of dealing with it.

BoopADoopBetty

I agree with CG.

I don't have a problem with it. I'm sorry for your loss, but it may just be his way of grieving.

babyfox22

He did it since before we got PG...now it just hurts more I guess. And I would never do something like that to him

CinemaGoddess

Are the pictures actual porn or just scantily clad women? 

Did you speak to him about this before your loss? 

 

kristyand

I'm sorry for your loss.

And... communication, communication, communication.  

CinemaGoddess

Seriously, tho. 

You're asking this question to a board full of women who frequently look at hot dudes in their underwear.  Maybe we're not the best people to be asking.

BoopADoopBetty

CinemaGoddess:

Seriously, tho. 

You're asking this question to a board full of women who frequently look at hot dudes in their underwear.  Maybe we're not the best people to be asking.

I was thinking that too...

BoopADoopBetty

Repeat

CindyRelluh

I could care less if DH looks, heck, sometimes I watch with him! They aren't watching because they aren't into you, guys just like watching people fornicate. I'm definitely sorry for your loss, but just let him be a guy. He still goes home to you and that's what matters. 

 

I had a friend accuse her DH of cheating because she found porn links in his history. *forehead smack*

im a good wife. ;-] 

CindyRelluh

CinemaGoddess:

Seriously, tho. 

You're asking this question to a board full of women who frequently look at hot dudes in their underwear.  Maybe we're not the best people to be asking.

DH and I helped each other pick top 5 lists of celebs we are allowed to cheat with. Haha! Just make fun out of it! 

BPer

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Personally, I don't care if H looks at porn. For a long time, I would also look at the porn on his computer on the DL, now I openly admit it. IMO, 95% of the girls in porn just look skanky, so I don't feel threatened/self conscious, or anything like that.

But if it really bothers you, talk to him about it.  Maybe ask that he refrain while you're still grieving?  Maybe take a few months off? 

Wine O Mite

CinemaGoddess:

Seriously, tho. 

You're asking this question to a board full of women who frequently look at hot dudes in their underwear.  Maybe we're not the best people to be asking.

This is what I wanted to say. 

babyfox22

CinemaGoddess:

Are the pictures actual porn or just scantily clad women? 

Did you speak to him about this before your loss? 

 

just pictures...we've had talked about porn before and him putting backgrounds on his phone.  as far as I know he doesn't watch it anymore. So yes he knows how I feel about it.  

lildevil968

Iam very sorry for your loss, it sounds like you have alot on your mind right now. I, however do not mind if my DH watches porn, hell I think I might watch it more than he does. As Humans, it is normal for us to have a wondering eye from time to time, and it hurts nothing. DH, and I don't mind if the other checks out another man/ woman, as long as there is no touching involved.

The porn could be his way of escaping what is now his reality, so he may not be having a grand ol time as you put it.

scoutkate

I'm very, very sorry for your loss.

I have to say that what you're describing (I'd rather not type certain words at work) wouldn't bother me at all, but I'm not you and my DH is not your DH.  Have you told him how you feel? 

[Deleted User]

TabbiC:

I could care less if DH looks, heck, sometimes I watch with him! They aren't watching because they aren't into you, guys just like watching people fornicate. I'm definitely sorry for your loss, but just let him be a guy. He still goes home to you and that's what matters. 

 

I had a friend accuse her DH of cheating because she found porn links in his history. *forehead smack*

im a good wife. ;-] 

So someone who is uncomfortable with her DH looking at porn is a bad wife? Not saying your friend should accuse her DH of cheating on her because he looks at porn, but she's also not a bad wife if it makes her uncomfortable. She may be approaching the discussion in the wrong way but that doens't mean she shouldn't approach him about it.

Hesterlicious

There are sexy ladies every where. If I was to get bothered every time my H followed his instincts and looked at them life would be a lot uglier. Cars and sexy ladies beside the cars kind of go hand in hand.

I very sorry for your loss.

insertclevername

I am very sorry for your loss. 

If his behavior bothers you then it is very important for you to sit down with him and rationally discuss it.  I don't care if H looks at porn and we sometimes watch it together as well.  But I am not you.  If you truly feel that it is something your husband should not be doing then you have to voice your concerns to him.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

CindyRelluh

Betty&Co:

TabbiC:

I could care less if DH looks, heck, sometimes I watch with him! They aren't watching because they aren't into you, guys just like watching people fornicate. I'm definitely sorry for your loss, but just let him be a guy. He still goes home to you and that's what matters. 

 

I had a friend accuse her DH of cheating because she found porn links in his history. *forehead smack*

im a good wife. ;-] 

So someone who is uncomfortable with her DH looking at porn is a bad wife? Not saying your friend should accuse her DH of cheating on her because he looks at porn, but she's also not a bad wife if it makes her uncomfortable. She may be approaching the discussion in the wrong way but that doens't mean she shouldn't approach him about it.

 

No way. That's not what I was implying at all. I don't need to justify my words to you.  

NativeFloridian

Not to diminish your grief, but just look at what most of us are doing here.  I don't have an SO but most of the ladies here do, and what the heck do we do all day?  Look at hot-azz men who are significantly younger than our SOs.  By your logic our activities here should make the DHs feel self-conscious and jealous but I get the sense that it doesn't.  Most of the ladies who've posted here about their SOs have noted that their men take a playful attitude toward the fun we have here.

I'm sorry you're feeling hurt by his wandering eyes, but, if you look at it from our perspective, it's all in good fun and it's all harmless.  Unless he runs out and starts chasing tail I think you should cut him a little slack.

And you may also want to speak with someone about the grief you're experiencing after your loss, if you're not already doing so.  I ended up bottling my sadness and anger after my miscarriage last year and TBH I regret never seeing someone about it and dealing with it in a healthy manner.  I lashed out at so many people while I was grieving and it wasn't healthy at all.

[Deleted User]

I'm sorry for your loss.  Maybe it's because you're especially sensitive right now, but I'm not sure I understand what one thing has to do with the other.

I agree with a PP that said that maybe what you're feeling is more that he is moving forward and you're not moving forward as quickly.  Again, I'm sorry.

MJHershey

Nope... as long as he does not gush over them or push me aside for them. Look at the brochure, don't book the trip and all. 

I knows who my favorite "hot guys" are, so it's a joke between us. 

How do you know he is having a grand ole time? Maybe he is distracting himself form the loss, everyone deals with it differently. Have you shared this and he blew you off... or are you assuming he should know?

(and I am sorry for your loss).