Intro :(

lenya_35

Hello ladies.  I've been lurking on this board for the last two weeks.  I'm so heartbroken by all your losses.  You seem like an amazing group of women.  I hope I can find some support here and maybe one day I can also support others.

I lost my baby girl, June, two weeks ago at 36 weeks 6 days pregnant.

Here's my story (sorry it's so long):

I had a picture-perfect pregnancy, did everything "by the book,"  gained the perfect amount of weight, attended all my prenatal appointments, etc.  On Thursday, 2/7, I went to the OB for my weekly appointment.  We listened to the heartbeat, he measured me, said "everything looks great, you're in the homestretch, just keep doing what you're doing!"

That weekend, we relaxed, went grocery shopping to stock up on things, and put the carseat in the car.

On Monday morning, I dropped DD off at daycare and went to work.  I felt a few light kicks while driving in to work.  By 10am, I was sitting in a meeting and realized I hadn't felt the baby kick for an hour, which was strange to me because she was constantly moving.  I ate an orange, drank some cold water, and still didn't feel any movement.  I called my OB and they told me to head to L&D immediately.  I dashed out of work, called my DH (who didn't answer his phone) and drove to the hospital.  I got there around noon, and the nurse couldn't find a heartbeat.  She called the on-call doctor in and he looked at the baby on the ultrasound, said "yup, there's the heart, and I'm sorry, but it's not beating" he took off his gloves and walked away.  DH was not there yet, I was alone with a nurse.  They brought me to a delivery room, handed me a gown, and had me wait for a good thirty minutes or so before another nurse came in.  Shortly after, DH got there, and my OB did another ultrasound to confirm.

I was already dilated to 2cm and having mild contractions.  They started me on pitocin at around 5pm.  I labored all night, then got an epidural at around 8am.  They broke my water and by 11:30am I was ready to deliver. 

My baby girl was beautiful, looked just like her older sister.  She weighed 5lbs, 12oz.  DH and I spent about 6 or 7 hours with her and then we said goodbye for good.  My parents also got to see her and hold her.

It's been 2 weeks and needless to say I'm utterly devastated.  We were so prepared for this baby.  The nursery was all set up (still is, actually).  The clothes were all washed and folded, our freezer was full of food, we had our house clean, everything was ready for her to come home.

I don't even know what to do now.  I am able to keep it together to take care of my daughter when she's home, but when she's at daycare or asleep, I just totally lose it.

We picked up the ashes today and all I could think was that we were supposed to bring baby June home in a carseat, not a box.  

Anyway, thank you for reading my story.  I have a million things racing through my head and a million questions to ask, so I have a feeling I'll be sticking around here for a while. 

lenya_35

Ladies, I'm sorry my ticker is still appearing.  I've tried to delete it.

Heatherhah

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet daughter June!! I hate to have to welcome you to this board btu I am glad that you found us. Hugs!!!

Heather

tuscanbride2007

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girl, June. I hope you will find comfort here among people that truly understand what it is like to lose a child(ren). Please feel free to vent, cry, be angry, laugh or whatever feels right at the moment. Just remember to be gentle with yourself.

((HUGS))

EcoStreet

Sorry for your loss! Just know that you are not alone. Something very similar happened to me. I still do not have answer of what had happened to my little girl . One theory is "cord accident". The cord was wrapped around her neck two times but many babies are born with cords, so we are not certain.

I have a question for you ladies that had very late loss if you have answer of what might of happen to your babies. I have noticed that my girl was slower in the last couple of weeks but i always thought that this is normal in late pregnancy. As I think back now this probably was a sign that there was something wrong.

I know how hard the first few weeks and months are but it gets a bit easier with time. Be strong!

knirish1

I'm so sorry for your loss of June. I lost my daughter, Roxane, in a very similar manner in November. It was (and still is) so difficult to have had a perfect pregnancy and then have to bring home the ashes instead of your baby. Take the time to do what you need to do for you. It is not selfish. When others ask how you are doing, please don't be afraid of actually telling them. If they can't handle it, that is their problem, not yours. I'm sorry to welcome you to this community, but glad you found it.

Carolee

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet little June. I'm glad you found this board, but I wish you didn't have to join us here. I hope you're able to find the support you're looking for.

karebear57

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby girl June. I'm glad you found us, this group has been a wonderful help. We are here anytime to help you.

lenya_35

Thank you for the warm welcome, everyone.

lenya_35

EcoStreet:

Sorry for your loss! Just know that you are not alone. Something very similar happened to me. I still do not have answer of what had happened to my little girl . One theory is "cord accident". The cord was wrapped around her neck two times but many babies are born with cords, so we are not certain.

I have a question for you ladies that had very late loss if you have answer of what might of happen to your babies. I have noticed that my girl was slower in the last couple of weeks but i always thought that this is normal in late pregnancy. As I think back now this probably was a sign that there was something wrong.

I know how hard the first few weeks and months are but it gets a bit easier with time. Be strong!

 

I'm not sure if it's the same for everyone, but my DD was super duper active all the time.  She slowed down a little bit before she passed and I thought she was "getting ready" for labor.  But she also had some really active moments that same day/night, so I thought she was fine. 

Noethola

I am so very sorry for your loss of June. We are sorry to have to welcome you to the group, but hope you find support here with other loss parents.

hhudson92

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet June. I hope you find comfort here, I am so sorry that you have to be here though. ((hugs))

katyms7

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet daughter June. I love the name June. I hope we can support you through this process. Hugs to you and take care of yourself.

cmenasco

***Ticker Warning***  

 

 

 

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girl.  I know that this board is amazing and the women all are so kind.  Big hugs to you and your family!!!

Williamandshawnna

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious June. Please be gentle on yourself. You have found a great group of women to help you through this part of your journey.

HUGS

-Shawnna

jlcrhw

I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet June. I am sorry to be welcoming to the board. The ladies here are amazing. I hope you find as much comfort here as I have.

OSUWifey09

I am so, so sorry to welcome you to our board, and for the loss of your sweet June [I love that name]. I lost my son, Devon, at 34 weeks to a placental abruption caused by a fall. It is so hard to come home with a box of ashes and an empty car seat after a picture perfect pregnancy - I remember feeling so lost at first. It's been six months since I lost Devon, and the days do get better. Just be sure to take the time you need to grieve, to scream, to cry. You need that time. I tried to rush through it to get over it [I have a 4-year-old son at home, too], but you truly need that time to focus on you and your healing.

I hope that you can find comfort from this board, just like I've found comfort the last six months. *hugs* 

sand&starfish

I'm so incredibly sorry for the loss of your baby girl June. While this "club" certainly sucks and is something no one should have to be a part of, this board really is a great resource and source of comfort. I hope it will help to lighten your grief, even just a little, as it has done for me in the past few weeks.

lenya_35

Once again, thank you everyone for your kind words and warm welcome.  I'm so sorry that we all have this in common, but I have to admit that it's nice to know I'm not alone.

PinkCamino

I am so so sorry for your loss. ((HUGS)) I hope you find the same comfort here that I have.

meli1025

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby girl, June.  ((HUGS))  Welcome to the board, I know you will find good support here.  I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. 

Poppy715

I'm so sorry you have to be here and for the loss of beautiful June. I can't imagine the pain of being so close and thinking you would be in labor "any day now" and having it all be gone. I lost my daughter at 26 weeks. We thought we just had to wait it out and that the third tri would fly by. I've never thought this before having a loss, but life just isn't fair. 

I haven't posted much but I know how supportive the women here are. Everyone has a bond that is tragic but links us all together. We had angels taken from us. If you need to talk feel free to PM me. I'm sure the same goes for any of the moms on the board. I'm so very sorry.