how to help/support — The Bump

how to help/support

Hi I have been lurking here for sometime now, though I am not adopting (not in the near future anyhow)  My brother and his wife have just started the adoption prosses and I'm interested if there is anything I can do to help support them? What would you have liked your families to have done for you?
BabyFruit Ticker

Re: how to help/support

  • Honestly the only thing I tell family and friends who ask how they can help is to be on the look out for a baby or an expectant mom considering adoption.  There is nothing anyone can  really do to help.  As far as support, encourage venting because this is an awful roller coaster ride and there are many times I just want to scream, but I usually just do that here on the boards because most of these ladies understand what I am going through on both good days and bad.  It is very sweet of you to ask and perhaps you want to encourage your SIL in join our forum because it really does offer much needed support through the process. 

    I see you are pregnant and I am not sure how your SIL feels about that or if she gets sad when she sees others who are able to conceive, but don't take it personally if on some days she just doesn't want to hear how things are going with you. 


    Failed Matches - December 2012, May 2013, December 2013
    Moved on to  gestational surrogacy with a family friend who is our angel and due 7/23/15

  • Leave the door open for them to talk. Maybe they're the type who don't want people asking "any news?" every 2 seconds. Or maybe they're the type who want to talk about the next step in the process. Only you know how they are, but follow their lead and let them talk, especially if they need to express fears or frustration, or to share their latest milestone.

    Offer to write a letter of recommendation for them. And turn it around in record time so they can brag on their family member who got their rec letter in to the agency.

    Get a copy of In On It. It's a book geared toward family members of those adopting. It gives some great tips on how you will now be part of the adoption process, and what you can do along the way.

    Offer to throw a shower.

    GL to them!

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  • When they do get a placement, treat it like you would anyone welcoming a new addition to their family. Get excited, buy presents, gush over the LO, bring them a meal. After we were matched, my friends made sure to treat me as any other expectant mother, and the love and care they showed is one of my most treasured memories from bringing home our son.
    image image image Daisypath Anniversary tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers November 2011: after nearly two years of infertility, we are moving on to domestic infant adoption. February 2012: Matched! May 2012: Placed with our son!
  • I want to echo Dr L. The book "In on It" is a great resource. I wish that my friends had read it while I was going through this process.

    Mother of two wonderful boys! Blessed through adoption.

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