Remember a few weeks back when I was going to sleep train...
thatoneredhead
member
I cant! I just cant do it!
I think the sleep lady's section about the babies cries are out of frustration that you are making them put themselves to sleep and not doing it for them is just boiled down to train your infant not to need you so much. That isnt working for me when he is this young.
When my baby is crying "momamamama" I cant turn away, no matter how sick I am of waking up. It would be different if he was in preschool and needed to be up at 7. I believe in intuition and Im not being held down by my husband (like my babysitter told me) or getting a hotel so my much stronger-willed husband can do it.
Im going to talk to my pedi about what he thinks at our 9mo. Does not STTN hurt kiddos at some point?
ETA: I should admit to not even trying it really since he cries for me all the time- he is going through a really big frustrated phase. I just dont see him going to sleep without a bottle right now.
Re: Remember a few weeks back when I was going to sleep train...
One day DH said, "maybe we're getting onto an age where it might be okay to leave him when he wakes." I don't feel that way at all so I won't.
Every baby STTN eventually. It may take years, but it will happen.
I am a believer in doing what works best for you and your family.
That being said, I don't know how long you did sleep training for, but with both of my children it took about a good 2 weeks. Yes, my children cried for me, but with Ferber you aren't totally disregarding their cries and "not to needing you so much". It teaching them to put themselves back to sleep. I think by picking her up and feeding/rocking/etc that it sends a message that if I cry then mom will come and pick me up every single time. This IMO isn't setting the foundation for good sleep habits.
No offense, but if you don't have a preschooler, I don't know how on earth you would think it would be different trying to sleep train b/c they have to get up at 7. My 3 year old has very good sleep habits and I can't imagine trying to sleep train a 3 year old that not only doesn't sleep in a crib anymore (which means she can get out of bed as she pleases), but can walk, talk, argue and open doors and really know how to test your limits (not to mention how hard it would have been trying to sleep train and have a new baby in the house).
Goodbye little angel(7/22/2011)....see you in heaven
Goodbye my second angel (9/18/2011)
I am not sleep training DD, she wakes up every 1-3h at night. Once she can communicate her needs better, I will do some gentle night weaning. I read something about a Dr. Jay Gordon method - not sure if I have the name right.
Anyway, you won't have to rock or nurse to sleep forever, but I believe in my instincts. There is actual research that shows that "interrupted" sleep is normal for babies as they are learning so much. Take a look at https://www3.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/aap.html
Do what works for your family!
The thing is, how is going to your baby when they need you considered a bad thing? A need for comfort, mom or dad, security, etc are all real and just as legitimate as hunger. I don't think I'm setting either of us up for failure but "indulging" DS in his need for me. That's what is right for my family. Period.
I agree with PPs that you need to do what works best for your family. You know your baby better than anyone else!
Before I had DD, I was pretty against sleep training. We bed shared for a bit, which helped us through the '4 month wakeful'. Then it stopped working for us. She stopped sleeping the bed, and started being super restless all night. No one was getting any sleep. If I were a SAHM, I think I might have just powered through but I work outside the home and have an hour commute each way. Basically it was getting dangerous for me to try to leave the house at 6am and drive for an hour on 2 hours of sleep. So, we did some sleep training. Our own blend of bed sharing & some CIO. DD sleeps in her crib now, and everyone is well rested. It was a basic cost /benefit analysis for us. Any potential "harm" (which I put in quotes because I don't think my own baby was personally harmed by the method we ended up using) was far less than the very real potential danger of driving/working on little to no sleep.
I think you know what will work best for you & your family. If you don't feel you need to do any sleep training now, don't do it! If you feel you need to sleep train, do it and don't let others make you feel guilty for it!
In response to Kahill86 because this is going to be long.....
Going to your baby to comfort them (for nursing or just for comfort) isn't a bad thing...I never said it was. Babies wake up in the middle of the night for a host of reasons. I have learned with my children when they want to nurse or if it is just I just happened to wake up and are trying to figure out how to fall back asleep. Learning your baby's cries are part of being a mother..no? Just because you sleep train (Ferber, CIO, whatever) doesn't mean that you don't want to comfort your child, it is teaching them how to independently fall back asleep.
Do I think you are setting yourself up for failure because you "indulge" in his need for you (and maybe you should have included at night), no, but you might be (or might not be) setting yourself up for a headache if you continue with getting up with him every time he makes a peep or fusses a little in the middle of the night. The difference is while my children wake in the middle of the night, they are able to fall back asleep without crying (DD2 has some nights where she fusses a little and if it isn't anything that needs my attention she falls back asleep) and without the need for me to come in and help them fall back asleep. Instead of it being an hour with both me and DD2 up, it is DD2 up for 5-10 minutes and back asleep. In turn EVERYONE in our family is more well rested. My children don't have any less a sense of security because I don't "induldge" in every little noise they make.
Goodbye little angel(7/22/2011)....see you in heaven
Goodbye my second angel (9/18/2011)
I completely agree.
In my circle sleep training is more the norm and were are not close to STTN so for me I would add that "the one rule of not STTN is that you don't talk about not STTN". Just smile and nod when people bring it up. It's a can't win situation.
I am sure in other circles not sleep training is the norm and then I'd say "the one rule of sleep training is that you don't talk about sleep training". Still a can't win situation.
I am sure that we'll all be sleeping soundly 18-20 years, I for one can't wait!!
((thumbs up))
I can totally see where my "I have no willpower for this" could be read as "CIO-ers are meanie heads!" and that is not my position. Right now, with all the information I have about sleep, needs vs. wants, me, and my kid, it still feels wrong. As soon as it feels hard (like shots), but not wrong, then I will go forward.
To answer Sunshine- I only mention 3 because that's an age where it becomes less possible for the baby to catch up on any missed sleep through the day. My husband and I discussed how long we wanted Jacky with us and both agree that we would never sleep apart if we were in the same house so why would we expect a little person to. That's just us and my husband works nights so it's different around here. If he was between us every night it would be different.
Our LO is between us every night for half the night, and it's still all good. The other night DH told the dog to move because "that's C's spot".
Follow your gut. Always follow your gut. Sometimes it will give you conflicting information, but if you just settle your mind and listen closely enough, it will never steer your wrong.
I just had this same "do I or don't I" debate in my head the other night and settled (as I always do) on "don't" and whaddya know... she's sleeping better than ever.