It has been about 6 months that we lost our first child, my dear angel Frankie. I have been hearing from other family members how upset my mom is with our loss. She is worried about me and my well being. She is also worried we wont have more kids, which is far from the truth.
Has anyone else having a relationship change with your mom? Any suggestions on how to get through this awkward time would be greatly appreciated.
http://wwwcirillofamily.blogspot.com/
BFP#1 12/23/11 EDD 8/29/12. Frank P. Cirillo IV born on 8/19/12 at 2:34am. Grew his wings and went to heaven on 8/25/12.
My sweet angel Frankie. Love you so much!
BFP #2 5/21/13 EDD 1/25/14 Sam Frank P. born 1/17/14 Our rainbow baby is here!!
January 2015 PAL- Advice 
Re: Mother/daughter relationship
Thank you for your positive words that things will get better. I am so sorry for your loss of Aria, hugs to you!
This was not my mom's first grandchild. She seems to be avoiding my brother and his family that have 3 kids. She doesn't want to do anything and lacks complete initiative for everything. She has been telling other familiy members that she is worried that I am depressed. I have told her numerous times that I am doing as best as can be expected. I am going to a counselor, keeping very busy, and I actually tell her we are doing well and focusing on our future. I feel like she is "scared and avoiding" me. I want to tell her she can cry in front of me and talk to me about things but I think she feels that she is the mother and needs to keep strong for me. A lot of times over the last 6 months, I feel like I need to be strong for everyone else. I really hate to see the relationship changing with my mom right now.
http://wwwcirillofamily.blogspot.com/
BFP#1 12/23/11 EDD 8/29/12. Frank P. Cirillo IV born on 8/19/12 at 2:34am. Grew his wings and went to heaven on 8/25/12.
My sweet angel Frankie. Love you so much!
BFP #2 5/21/13 EDD 1/25/14 Sam Frank P. born 1/17/14 Our rainbow baby is here!!
January 2015 PAL- Advice
Good Morning,
I am so sorry for the loss of baby Frankie. I completely understand where you are coming from with your Mom. My Mom and I are very close. She lost a daughter at 37 weeks before she had me. So she has been a great source of support and comfort. She really gets it. But she also holds back and is not as open when she is sad. I know its because she is trying to protect me and doesn't want to upset me. A few weeks ago she was sad and told me and we cried together about it. She felt awful for making me cry. I tried to explain to her that she is not making me cry, my sadness is making me cry. She has been opening up more since then. I am glad we can talk about it and grieve together. Its just so hard.
Due with baby boy # 2 in May 2016
DD #1 born January 2014
I don't know if this is true for your mother, but my mother-in-law has told me that she finds our loss hard for her because she not only grieves for the loss of her granddaughter, but she also grieves for her children. She just wants to make the pain go away for us. Maybe this is what your mother is experiencing?
((HUGS)) to you.
BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08

BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12
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TTC #3 since May 2012
BFP #3 12.29.12 - CP @ 4w2d on 01.02.13
BFP #4 10.17.13 - CP @ 4w2d on 10.23.13
BFP #5 04.06.14 - MMC 05.07.14
No longer trying to conceive.
My mom took it like she lost a baby too. She couldn't hold or look at babies very similar to me. I think it is because moms are so upset to lose a grandbaby but they also see you grieiving and they feel so sad since they can't help their baby from being sad. My mom told me that she felt so sad that she couldn't look hold or even see a baby. I didn't get it but she was grieiving the loss on 2 levels. I think it is extra hard on moms because they can't fix their daughters.
Hugs!!
Heather
This. My mother is having a rough time also. I didn't realize it until a couple weeks ago, she told me she gets no sleep at night. She said all she ever thinks about is us being in the hospital. The events keep playing through her mind and she can't get them out of her mind. She has seen a counselor to help her through. She is also taking something to help her sleep, I think her lack of sleep a big part in it.
((hugs)) to you
TTC since August 2011

DX PCOS and annovulatory
1/12 Clomid (3 rounds total and no response)
DH SA = normal
6/12 Femara (2 rounds)no response
8/12 1st round Gonal F and 2 follies = BFN
9/12 2nd round injects and 3 follies = BFP!
10/15 11dpo beta#1 = 162 10/17 beta #2 = 471 1st U/S: Quads!!!
1/13 Baby A ruptured membranes, our angels Jaxon, Jayse, Emersyn, and Ellee were born @ 17 weeks
5/13 Gonal F with 1 follie - BFP! EDD - 2/11/14
I think this is true. I know my parents are worried about me and don't want to see me hurting.
Hugs!
Thank you Ladies for your support and guidance.
I know that my mom is going through a rough time. She is so upset for me, worried about me, and grieving her grandchild. It is very hard for her and I understand that. I spent a lot of time thinking about it today and I want to talk to her about it. We are not a lovey and emotional family. I wanted her to know how I felt but give her privacy to deal with her feelings on her own. I wrote her a letter and mailed it to her. I was going to email her but I felt this was more personal to write it in a letter in a sweet card letting her know I am thinking of her.
http://wwwcirillofamily.blogspot.com/
BFP#1 12/23/11 EDD 8/29/12. Frank P. Cirillo IV born on 8/19/12 at 2:34am. Grew his wings and went to heaven on 8/25/12.
My sweet angel Frankie. Love you so much!
BFP #2 5/21/13 EDD 1/25/14 Sam Frank P. born 1/17/14 Our rainbow baby is here!!
January 2015 PAL- Advice
I think this article does a good job at detailing the grandmother's grief process. It helped me empathize with what my mom is going through.
https://stillstandingmag.com/2012/06/first-you-cry-twice-a-grandparents-grief/
DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
This is a very good article. Thank you for posting. That really helped to understand what she is going through as well.
http://wwwcirillofamily.blogspot.com/
BFP#1 12/23/11 EDD 8/29/12. Frank P. Cirillo IV born on 8/19/12 at 2:34am. Grew his wings and went to heaven on 8/25/12.
My sweet angel Frankie. Love you so much!
BFP #2 5/21/13 EDD 1/25/14 Sam Frank P. born 1/17/14 Our rainbow baby is here!!
January 2015 PAL- Advice
I don't have any answers for you, but my relationship with my mom has changed for the worse. It was strained at best to begin with. There was a good six months where I didn't even want to talk to her. Now it's slightly better but I'd call it just borderline tolerable...for short periods of time.
I'm sure she struggled, but she never talked about it. She never mentioned my son. She told other family members not to mention him to me, and I can't get past that. I just don't know how to relate to someone who bottles up their emotions like that.