Mil+Mil TTC/Intro

angiensell

Hey All! 

I've been quite the lurker for a while, but I'm coming out of the closet now! My Hubbs and I are AD AF stationed in SC. We have 2 pups who are my world even though they drive me crazy from time to time.

I'm 21, as is he and we live in base housing. We've been married for over 6 months now and it feels like a wonderful eternity already. Being young we do go out to movies, but we don't party hard or anything like that. I got that type of behavior out of me when I was in highschool.

I've been on BC as soon as I came on my period. My main ones have been Depo, Implanon, and now the pill. I've been having a baby on the brain, and we have started discussing ttc as a result. Financially we do have savings and continue to save, our shifts are normal thankfully so we do have time to spend and spare. We are financially, physically, and emotionally ready to have a baby but we are worried that having a child could create stress in our marriage. When I say stress I mean the type that will cause us to grow apart. 

We are concerned mainly  for the future of our future child so that they will always have married, happy parents. And most of all for the future we have together as a couple because we want to improve and grow with each other. 

So, I was hoping if any had experiences with being married and having a baby this young while also living the wonderful military life with your spouse. Stories, advice, etc... Are greatly welcomed and appreciated! 

BLT20051

I'm 25, DH is 30. We've been married almost 5 years. That said, I'm glad we waited. Our first year he got deployed, the second year we both have several TDYs, third year things finally settled and we almost had to start over as a couple. This LO was a surprise but one we knew would happen eventually when I stopped BCP. We were charting TTA but I ovulated late one month. We're in a better place now as a couple then we were five years ago. We have grown as individuals and as a couple and got to be selfish for a few years and do things we enjoyed doing(football games, go to Disneyland kidless, visit Hawaii, etc.) My suggestion? Make a bucket list of things you'd like to do before having kids. Enjoy being newlyweds and kids(because you still are whether you want to admit it or not.) There's never a right time, but take your time.

angiensell

Bacon+lettuce+tomato:

I'm 25, DH is 30. We've been married almost 5 years. That said, I'm glad we waited. Our first year he got deployed, the second year we both have several TDYs, third year things finally settled and we almost had to start over as a couple. This LO was a surprise but one we knew would happen eventually when I stopped BCP. We were charting TTA but I ovulated late one month. We're in a better place now as a couple then we were five years ago. We have grown as individuals and as a couple and got to be selfish for a few years and do things we enjoyed doing(football games, go to Disneyland kidless, visit Hawaii, etc.) My suggestion? Make a bucket list of things you'd like to do before having kids. Enjoy being newlyweds and kids(because you still are whether you want to admit it or not.) There's never a right time, but take your time.

 

We definitely watch cartoons every day and night! Being mil to mil makes it that much harder to plan when to plan to start ttc lol. But we are making lists, doing some self examinations and looking for improvement within our marriage 

HisChamaoleGirl

DH and I are dual Army and have had over three years of deployments each and three different duty assignments total. We have been together a little over six years and married for almost three. I highly, highly suggest that you take the time to get to know one another better before adding a child to the mix. While you two seem to have a great plan for your relationship, your relationship is still young and has a lot of growing to do. Marriage in iteself can be difficult and adding the military factor to it makes it that much more challenging. DH and I have been able to travel and explore as acouple and if we would have had a child we wouldnt have been able to do these things. I encourage you to take time as a couple before rushing into parenthood. Perhaps if the baby fever continues, you can look into babysitting or hanging out with a friend who has a baby? This helped me at times.

ArmyWife114

DH and I are not dual military, but, I was also 21 when I got pregnant (DH was 22), and we had DS a month before our one year anniversary, he was not planned, but nonetheless a wonderful blessing.

 To be honest, the beginning of my pregnancy sucked, morning sickness combined with the overwhelming pressure of having a kid so soon into our marriage and feeling like we never got to experience being married (DH was in IBOLC when we got married, so he was in the field 2-3 weeks a month, we found out I was pregnant about two-two and a half months in, thank you military medicine for losing gyn-o referrals for new BC...).

Emotionally, it was VERY hard on me, some of which I do attribute to it being unplanned and my in laws being oppressively excited (I mean, MIL had one of those block calendar things that counted how many weeks pregnant I was, and she felt the need to text me every week and remind me...). It was rough to come to terms with the fact that our two person "us time" marriage was ending and we were going to have a kid.  

All that said, it made us closer as a couple, but it was also so hard.  It's still hard. But, a lot of the uncertainty and fear went away after DS was born (and my whack-job hormones calmed down...).  And, to be honest, it made me a better, less selfish person.  I'd honestly say to think long and hard before starting ttc and make sure that you've really thought it through.  Having a kid, planned or unplanned, while ttc or not, can cause stress that will make you grow apart.  And, to some extent, you're never really ready for the actual having a baby part, but make sure you're ready for the idea of it and to be pregnant.

ladybugpjb

Having a child will create stress on your relationship, no matter when you do it.

My advice is to enjoy each other for now - keep building your relationship, go on adventures that you can't do  with small children, discuss child-raising philosophies (since conflicting approaches can create a lot of stress)...

Before we had kids, we took a couple of pretty long road trips, went hiking in Yosemite (not kid-friendly trails), went to Germany, went to China, plus some smaller trips. You can still travel and have adventures after you have kids, but it's not the same.

Go have adventures and enjoy each other. Start setting aside money and building savings to give yourself a good financial cushion for when you do have kids (because they can be expensive).

There's no reason to rush into having kids. Things can be unpredictable with the military, but you're still young and have time.

If you really feel strongly about it, then go for it. But giving your marriage a couple of years will just help your relationship grow even stronger.