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Babies on the Brain
Mil+Mil TTC/Intro
Hey All!
I've been quite the lurker for a while, but I'm coming out of the closet now! My Hubbs and I are AD AF stationed in SC. We have 2 pups who are my world even though they drive me crazy from time to time.
I'm 21, as is he and we live in base housing. We've been married for over 6 months now and it feels like a wonderful eternity already. Being young we do go out to movies, but we don't party hard or anything like that. I got that type of behavior out of me when I was in highschool.
I've been on BC as soon as I came on my period. My main ones have been Depo, Implanon, and now the pill. I've been having a baby on the brain, and we have started discussing ttc as a result. Financially we do have savings and continue to save, our shifts are normal thankfully so we do have time to spend and spare. We are financially, physically, and emotionally ready to have a baby but we are worried that having a child could create stress in our marriage. When I say stress I mean the type that will cause us to grow apart.
We are concerned mainly for the future of our future child so that they will always have married, happy parents. And most of all for the future we have together as a couple because we want to improve and grow with each other.
So, I was hoping if any had experiences with being married and having a baby this young while also living the wonderful military life with your spouse. Stories, advice, etc... Are greatly welcomed and appreciated!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Mil+Mil TTC/Intro
thanks for the reply!
we have gone to counseling since we were engaged and continue to go once a month. when we argue, if we feel ourselves slipping into anger, we just excuse ourselves for about an hour, come back more calm and ready to talk. it helps because the issue seems more miniscule and you can actually listen to each other and reach a solution. he wanted to ttc this past summer, but i insisted on saying no. Now the tables have turned lol
i think we'll discuss in our sessions too, but in the meantime we are making a bucket list and saving money
i imagine ya'll to be a great power couple from the posts i've read that you've written. i wish ya'll the best on the little one you're expecting! i've always envied the pregnant belly, only because i want free belly rubs lol. i'm an MP so i can be deployed tomorrow if need be. and he works on planes so he also may have a flying assignment that can come up. he does want me off the BC, so we are constantly improving each other and ourselves. i haven't stopped the BC yet because we have some work ahead but i am excited to get off and let the universe decide when we should have one.
OP, is there a reason you're interested in TTC now, instead of waiting a few years?
Having a baby will stress your marriage, there's just no way around that. You'll be exhausted, hormonal, with more responsibilities and less freedom..... Children are an amazing, wonderful gift, but they are also really hard sometimes. And they make it much more difficult to invest in your relationship with your partner because your time is so constrained; sometimes, you have to make a choice between showering for the first time in two days or hearing about your partner's day, and that choice is tough.
It sounds like you're taking great steps in preparing financially and in counseling, but I'm curious about why you want to TTC now instead of giving yourself more time to enjoy married life and continue to invest in your relationship.
I am an older mom, had my first at 33. While that maybe is a bit later than I would have liked, I feel like I would have been too young at 21. The thing is, once you have kids, you can't go back. I love my children and wouldn't trade them for the world. I'm glad that I had the time to spend money on frivolous things, travel, pick up on a moment's notice and visit friends for a weekend, sleep in, stay out late, occasionally drink too much, spring for the impractical shoes and the grossly over priced bags,etc. I have friends who had kids when they were much younger. Many of them feel like they "missed" something by not spending more time childless. Likewise, I can hardly think of anything I "want" personally. I don't have to worry about putting my child's needs second because I'm struggling with still wishing for things myself.
For me, I'd say you have lots of time. Think about other things you might hope to cross off your "bucket" list to be sure you are ready to devote your time to children. Likewise, IMO, a longer time as a married couple is a good idea.
The main reason is because this isn't a hectic time in either of our careers, and we want to start a family before deployments and TDY's appear from the sky. Another reason is because of the health care benefits the military has. We have 4yrs left; he wants to make it a career and I don't. If there was ever a sign of "now is the time" this would be it. Because we have the time and schedule to do so.
That's just about what we are doing right now. Making a bucket list and prioritizing what we want to get done first and what may be able to wait. We spend all of our time together seriously and I don't mind it. Our dogs should be our kids because we spend lots of time with them. A 6 month old and a 4 month old trotting around the house. Not saying kids=dogs, but some situations seem similar IMO by exchanging stories with friend who are mommies.
I'm unclear on how the military handles this, but can't your time and schedule change? I know that after you have kids, your DH can still be deployed. How about you? What happens if you're both deployed in different locations? Even if only one of you gets deployed, are you both willing to essentially be single parents of an infant or toddler? (The thought makes my skin crawl, frankly....)
The pregnancy part was the easiest-it only gets tougher once they're born....
Why not wait until your 4-year commitment is up? 25 is still young to be a parent.
@femshep
-yes your work schedule can change, due to whatever the "mission" may require. we are low on the enlistment tier and are not tasked with too many responsibilities that other ranks may bring just yet.
-yes he can be deployed, but the baby will still have a mother along with her support group that is both military and civilian which helps with this exact issue.
-also we both know what we signed up for. temporary sacrifice for long term happiness is how we see the military's demands. others have their own opinions which they are enitiled to.
-there is no other job that gives free medical, on site housing, pay, tuition assistance, education money, and experience that could be transferred into the civilian world. i refuse to wait until i'm out to have a child and solely rely on my husband or delay baby plans because i cannot find a decent job with good pay.
-age wise i'm not going to wait until the last minute to get pregnant and have more complications etc to fret about. i prefer to be in my early 20's when it's easy to bounce back and have the energy that a child demands. again that is my opinion, others want to wait until 30+
Hey! I'm 22, about to get married (we've been together 6 years), and we want to start trying to conceive soon after. I'll be 23 when we get married. People ask me all the time why I want to rush to have a baby. The truth is, the timing is right- we both work in my family business and are recent college grads, my parents can cover us at work, we both want our families to be a huge part of our child's life (my father is in his 70's), and we both LOVE kids.
Don't stress about what other people say, you know what is best for you and your family!
LOL.
She asked why you won't wait until you're 25, not 30+. Not to mention 30 isn't old, doesn't mean more complications or less "bounce back" and you can be high risk at any age.