Laboring with a toddler

PansyPants

Hello! 

 I had a med-free natural birth with DS1 and labored 17 hours in total. I'm not really worried about labor and birth but I'm extremely preoccupied with what my son will be doing during it. What did everyone else do with their children during early labor? Did you just go about your day or did you have them go visit a friend? Did your DH spend all his time with the child and you just did whatever you wanted? 

In some ways I think laboring at home with just DS1 would be preferable to having DH come home from work early. The idea is to just keep our routine as long as possible. For only being 16 months he's demonstrated profound empathy (I smooshed my finger the other day and didn't cry out or anything but he came over to lay against me while making soothing sounds and patting my shoulder) so I feel that he will understand that I'm uncomfortable and acknowledge the change in my behavior. At the same time, I might be delusional to try and labor alone with a toddler around. 

I'm just looking for input from others, it's the issue my mind has fixated on and I'd like to put it to rest.  

ncbelle

I was alone with Callum while DH was at work - but it was only a few hours.  It was ok but honestly towards the end I pretty much just wanted to sit him in front of a show and zone out!  My biggest worry was that I didn't want him to get upset and think something was wrong with me.  He was 27 months but that's still pretty young to really "get" birth.

Really I think it will depend on how long your early labor is and how intense.  My second labor got more intense much more quickly than my first. 

pixieprincss

I found it extremely important to stay in relaxation and save my energy, so I stayed in my room and had DH hang with DS1 since I could labor on my own at that point. I had a day of prodromal labor before active labor, and you just can't play through that without exhaustion. (I had learned that with a previous bout of PL earlier that week.) When things got more intense, DS1 was asleep (night) and DH could focus on me. We called the grandparents when I needed all of DH's attention and DS was competing for that, and they took him. We thought that they would bring him back for the birth itself, but I ended up having a very quick end to my labor, and it was intense and required all of everyone present's attention. (We had been open to him being there or not depending on what was best for all parties, and I am at peace with how it happened.) DS1 was back to meet his brother within 2 hours of thr birth, they met and we spent some time together, then the grands took him for the rest of the day so DH, baby, and I could rest, focus on nursing, etc.

sschwege

I'm sure you already know this, but keep in mind that second labors almost always go faster.  It was 17.5 hours with DD and 5 hours with DS (2-2.5 of 'real' contractions), so unless your husband works close I would call him home.

That being said, I tried to prepare DD for what it might be like.  I talked about how mommy sat on the exercise ball on the day she was born.  How I closed my eyes listened to music and hummed.  I did that sometimes just so it wouldn't be a totally foreign concept to her.  I practiced and she would close her eyes and hum along with me.

The day I went into labor was a Saturday, so DH was there as well as my parents.  I'm one of those women who kind of likes to get in the zone and labor alone in quiet.  So I told DH to turn on TV for DD (she only gets to watch it if one of us is sick, so a HUGE treat for her) and I just labored in our room alone.  Knowing what I know now, I am very thankful I wasn't by myself, it would have been really hard to labor while my DD chattered on, asked questions, etc.  The first 3 hours or so would have been OK, it was more like Braxton Hicks, but my labor went from 0-60 really fast, so I'm glad I wasn't alone.   It might be good to have some special new toys to pull out, mess-free art supplies, etc.  This way it would take some of the pressure off of you.  Good luck!

barnwife

J. was 19 months when A. was born. I began having contractions immediately when I woke for the day. However, they weren't getting longer, stronger, or closer together. There was really no pattern to them. I spent the morning taking care of J. and puttering around the house. DH was able to work here at home, but I certainly didn't need him that morning. (I baked a cake, as DH's bday was the next day.)

By lunchtime, though there was still no patter to contractions, some were definitely "I need to concentrate through these" contractions. I put J. down for his nap around 1:30 and had no issues laying with him while he fell asleep (we bedshare). I then went to try and get a little sleep on the couch but couldn't actually sleep.

At 3 contractions switched to back labor. And I told DH, "this is it. Get everyone here NOW!" And I was immediately aggravated when the midwife and DH's relative (to take care of J.) weren't here right then. I wanted to know J. was taken care of and there was a MW here so I could focus, darn it! In other words, things got really serious, really fast.

At 4 my MW checked and I was 4 cm. A. was born 1 hour later after 15 minutes of pushing.

Long story short: my second labor went much faster, with only 2 hours of serious contractions. I was fine by myself with J. in early labor. But when things got serious, I really needed my team in place. 

I would definitely have a plan in place to provide care for LO that allows YH to be with you throughout labor (including early labor if that's what you want). 

superned

Agree with the pp who said that your labor is likely to be shorter.  I had a whole plan in place about where DD would be when I went into labor and how I would arrange for my parents and/or sister to come care for her when we were ready to go to the hospital.  She was 27 months at the time.

As it turned out, my labor started with a huge contraction during dinner, and we had to leave for the hospital 40 minutes later (and barely made it to the hospital).  Thankfully DH was home (otherwise I would have ended up calling 911), so he gave her a bath and got her ready for bed while I labored.

I will say that after 15 hours of labor with #1, I was also worried about having her watch me deal with contractions as they got more intense.  But in the moment, I found that I was able to stay calm and relatively relaxed for her sake.  As moms, we are able to accomplish amazing things, so I think as long as you have a plan in place and can get support when you need it, your DS will be just fine.

JKB1986

I agree with PPs about your labor going quick. I was home alone with DS1 and DH was at work.I went from texting DH that I think I just had a contraction to GET HOME NOW in about 20-30 minutes. As far as having the toddler around while you are in labor, I think that's more of a personal thing. DS1 is very sensitive to my feelings and I was glad when DH got home so I could go in the other room and he could be distracted.

icdimeo

My son was a few weeks shy of turning 3 when I had my 2nd.  I was at a birth center so he was welcome.  We had plenty of family there to help watch him and their was a room for him to play.  My labor with baby #1 was 12 hours and with #2 was 3 hours.  I was so much more relaxed for the 2nd one.  I was fine with him being around, he was a little wild at the birth center but I spent everyday for the last few months of my pregnancy preparing him for what my labor would be like and what he could expect.

I had plenty of movies and activities that were new for him to keep him occupied should my labor have been longer. As long as someone is around to occupy him when you are towards the end of your labor I'm guessing he will be okay!  Good luck!