Ashamed to admit this

ambrvan

I have never liked really liked kids. I love SD and DS, but I don't like anyone else's kids. There are exceptions, like my neices, but I don't even like being around all of the kids cousins. We have quite a few elementary aged or younger kids in DH's family.

And I am finding that a lot of SD's behavior is really starting to annoy me or even downright tick me off. It is normal six year old behavior, but sometimes I really can't stand it! Right now DS is still in the toddler stage, but I am sure he will get there, too.

Does anyone else deal with this? Or am I really as horrible a mom as I feel? Please no flaming. I truly feel terrible about this as it is. And I know it is affecting my relationship with both the kids and DH.

SimpleJane

I feel the same way. I love my kids to peices, but sometimes they are really annoying!Others peoples kids are annoying most of the time as well, and its harder to deal with them because I don't love them like I love my own. I just have little patience, its a flaw.

I'm a Hairdresser and I seriously want to smack some of the kids I deal with on a daily basis. Mostly its their parents fault because they don't make them behave.

fellesferie

I don't love kids in general. Sometimes I like my kids--though I always love them. I like some of my friends' kids. I like a couple of my nieces. I kind of draw the line there.

I don't really know any other moms who are all that different from me and from what you describe. 

Both DS and DD have qualities that I objectively think are great. I compare them to their peers and I'm glad their mine.

But overall--and especially with DS--I do run out of patience with their age appropriate misbehavior. When I can, I walk away for an hour (or two, depending). When I can't take a real break, I try to get away for a minute or two and mentally reboot.  

You have to keep reminding yourself that a lot of the crappy behavior is designed to rile you. So when you react, you give them what they want. 

I don't know you, but you haven't posted anything that makes me think you're a terrible mother. I do think you need to work out some relaxation and coping strategies, though.

ambrvan

fellesferie:

I don't love kids in general. Sometimes I like my kidsthough I always love them. I like some of my friends' kids. I like a couple of my nieces. I kind of draw the line there.I don't really know any other moms who are all that different from me and from what you describe.nbsp;Both DS and DD have qualities that I objectively think are great. I compare them to their peers and I'm glad their mine. But overalland especially with DSI do run out of patience with their age appropriate misbehavior. When I can, I walk away for an hour or two, depending. When I can't take a real break, I try to get away for a minute or two and mentally reboot. nbsp;You have to keep reminding yourself that a lot of the crappy behavior is designed to rile you. So when you react, you give them what they want.nbsp;I don't know you, but you haven't posted anything that makes me think you're a terrible mother. I do think you need to work out some relaxation and coping strategies, though.

Yes, I do. I have always had problems with relaxation. Most of the time I have to take benedryl or tylenol pm to be able to relax enough to even sleep a few hours. My brain just doesn't quit. I am a very uptight person. I have had one session with my new therapist, and it was the first thing he observed. I hope he can help me work on some things because right now the only way I can seem to relax at all is if I can get out of the house and go for a walk with just me and the dog, which actually only can happen once in a blue moon. I am with the kids constantly! I never do ANYTHING for myself. DH gets to go and do his thing. But where am I when I am not here? At work. That is all I do. I work 40 or more hours a week, go to school part time, and I am always with the kids when I am not working. One of my classes is online, so technically I am at school with the kids. The other class is one night a week at night, so I don't linger. I go straight from work to class, then straight home, and don't get home til 9:30pm. When do I have freaking time to relax?

Sorry, this was not intended to become a rant, but it kind of did. My moods have been all jacked up and on the brink of switch for months now. I feel like I am dancing on hot coals all the time.

ETA: When I say DH gets to go do his thing, I don't mean he is out having fun all the time. But when he goes to class, he doesn't have to come home straight away. He gets to go to study grohps while I have to work on my hardest subject by myself because I can't take the kids to tutoring. And he does.volunteer work, which is more like a pow wow with his best friends. Don't get me wrong. It's a lot of hard work, but he has a lot of fun with it, too. And on top of that, the part time he had to get him through school, they laid him off, laid everyone but three people off as they orepare to go out of business.

emikat

I have never liked kids with some personal exceptions.  Sometimes just SS's voice gets on my nerves and the silliness and energy of children is not something I care to be around all the time.  But, I love my SS and I have a LO on the way.  I know I love these kids with all my heart more than I can explain.  But liking kids in general, I don't think that's required.  

Littlejen22

I love my kids but am not a fan of most kids in general.  And really hate teens, lol.

 Totally random but did you grow up near where you live now?

ambrvan

Littlejen22:

I love my kids but am not a fan of most kids in general.nbsp; And really hate teens, lol.nbsp;Totally random but did you grow up near where you live now?

No, I grew up in Memphis. I hated it there my whole life. I live in northwest rural TN now. I like this better and do fit in better, but not with the people necessarily, more the lifestyle. I am a country girl at heart and always have been.

Also, I have less of a problem with older kids, like middle school and up, when it comes to other people's kids. But I am TERRIFIED of my own children becoming teens. I watch one of my coworkers literally cry over one of her teens because he hurts her feelings so badly just with the way he talks and does not care about anything, and she is not a sensitive person.

twister22

I thought I was alone in thinking this! I love my kids all of the time, like my kids most of the time, and like other people's kids sometimes. And some kids I really, really don't care for.

fellesferie

What I'm about to say is going to sound off topic at first, but it's mostly not--

I used to be a healthcare writer, and I did a lot of writing about women's health. I kind of hated the women's health vs men's health thing, but there are actually some important differences.

Moms have a very well documented tendency to make sure everyone else in the family gets the things they need while not taking care of themselves. I've seen it borne out in my own life. My kids have never missed a checkup; I don't even have a primary care doc. My kids go to the dentist every 6 months; I go once a year. And it's not just with health issues.

If MH even casually mentions he'd like to go target shooting, I call my dad and set something up so they can go. But I could scream from the rooftops that I want a pedicure and nothing happens. 

You have to make yourself a priority. It may sound frivolous to stop by Panera on your way home from your night class and get a cup of coffee and read for 20 minutes, but it's not. You have to exist outside of being a wife and mom, which means you have to do things for you. 

I forget sometimes, and realize that it's been weeks since I've done anything not for the kids, the house, or DH. And when that happens I resent the hell out of DH and my patience with the kids is nonexistent.

I hope you find something that works for you! 

ambrvan

fellesferie:

What I'm about to say is going to sound off topic at first, but it's mostly notI used to be a healthcare writer, and I did a lot of writing about women's health. I kind of hated the women's health vs men's health thing, but there are actually some important differences. Moms have a very well documented tendency to make sure everyone else in the family gets the things they need while not taking care of themselves. I've seen it borne out in my own life. My kids have never missed a checkup; I don't even have a primary care doc. My kids go to the dentist every 6 months; I go once a year. And it's not just with health issues.If MH even casually mentions he'd like to go target shooting, I call my dad and set something up so they can go. But I could scream from the rooftops that I want a pedicure and nothing happens.nbsp;You have to make yourself a priority. It may soundnbsp;frivolousnbsp;to stop by Panera on your way home from your night class and get a cup of coffee and read for 20 minutes, but it's not. You have to exist outside of being a wife and mom, which means you have to do things for you.nbsp;I forget sometimes, and realize that it's been weeks since I've done anything not for the kids, the house, or DH. And when that happens I resent the hell out of DH and my patience with the kids is nonexistent.I hope you find something that works for you!nbsp;

Thank you, felles. Resentful is exactly how I feel. Obviously. I can't enjoy my family anymore, and they don't enjoy me being around either. This has been really hard for me to come out and say, but I have been feeling it for a very long time. I am glad I am not the only one. Thank you, ladies, for the support.

CurlyQ284

I agree with pretty much everything in this thread. I wonder if it would be a good idea for everyone to have a "mom buddy" and you and your buddy are responsible for making each other do something relaxing.

I don't have any mom friends but my BFF told me she was babysitting DS last Saturday for a minimum of 3 hours and she didn't care where DH and I went but we aren't allowed to be at the house. I didn't feel the need to leave but she said it wasn't allowed. We went to the movies, I had a great time, and I DID really need it. I just didn't know I did.

FutureMrsWittig

fellesferie:

What I'm about to say is going to sound off topic at first, but it's mostly not--

I used to be a healthcare writer, and I did a lot of writing about women's health. I kind of hated the women's health vs men's health thing, but there are actually some important differences.

Moms have a very well documented tendency to make sure everyone else in the family gets the things they need while not taking care of themselves. I've seen it borne out in my own life. My kids have never missed a checkup; I don't even have a primary care doc. My kids go to the dentist every 6 months; I go once a year. And it's not just with health issues.

If MH even casually mentions he'd like to go target shooting, I call my dad and set something up so they can go. But I could scream from the rooftops that I want a pedicure and nothing happens. 

You have to make yourself a priority. It may sound frivolous to stop by Panera on your way home from your night class and get a cup of coffee and read for 20 minutes, but it's not. You have to exist outside of being a wife and mom, which means you have to do things for you. 

I forget sometimes, and realize that it's been weeks since I've done anything not for the kids, the house, or DH. And when that happens I resent the hell out of DH and my patience with the kids is nonexistent.

I hope you find something that works for you! 

Thank you for this.  I needed to read it today.

lily_721

This is me right now.  I am super annoyed with my SSs.  There is nothing quite like dealing with lazy teenagers.  Whiney, lazy, and spoiled.  I am trying very hard to not snap and just start yelling at them.