Baby Showers
Liatris2010
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Kids at Baby Showers
Liatris2010
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in Baby Showers
Hi All,
I usually post on TK, but you ladies will probably have a better answer for me, so I'll try here too. I am hosting a baby shower for a friend, and only her friends are invited, not their kids. But, I am a little afraid they will show up with their kids, whom I can't accommodate. Am I being silly or will women assume their kids can come since it is a baby shower?
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Re: Kids at Baby Showers
Unfortunately there are some people who don't know how to read an invitation and they may assume they can bring their kids.
Can you do something in the wording of the invitation to make it clear that this is an adult get-together?
Yep, and I have no problem telling them I can't accommodate the LOs. I am afraid people would RSVP without mentioning them, and just show up with the kiddos, but it seems like that isn't likely to be the case. I guess I am a little nervous because I don't know any of the women invited and if they are the type to bring kids along or not, but I am feeling better about that not being much of a thing. I only have a few friends who are parents and haven't been to many baby showers, so I wasn't sure if just bringing the kids was "a thing" or not.
I always ask the host before assuming I can bring my DD to a baby shower.
I am breastfeeding and my DH works Saturdays so I have to bring DD to a shower in two weeks but I asked the host first and she said it was fine.
I would hope they would ask you, or take a cue from the invite.
Afternoon tea, drinks & appetizers, formal dinner - no kids
BBQ, back yard/outdoor informal event - ask if you can bring kids
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
Expecting Baby Bean February 2017
You are the host. It is your call and you can make any decision you would like.
You might consider putting the dogs in your bedroom for the party or having DH take them with him (wherever he is going). If you don't want them touched/picked up. We have a cat who is not a fan of being touched by strangers. She doesn't "attack" anyone, but she will meow at them to leave her alone and if they persist, she will scratch them (who keeps touching an animal that doesn't want to be touched?). Anyway, we always put her in our bedroom when we have company. She (and everyone) are happier that way. :-)
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
Expecting Baby Bean February 2017
Actually, there's an even easier way.
Child's name or "and family" on the envelope - OK to bring the kids
Only your name on the envelope - not OK to bring the kids.
Easy! There's just never a need to put a hostess on the spot and force them to tell you that you may not bring your children.
Sorry, not to change the subject (but I think you've gotten good advice and are on-track here)...
Is the mom-to-be a dog person? Because I am not and if there were dogs (of any size) running around at my shower all I could think about was dog hair/fur/dander getting on my gifts.I know they are your pets and I am sure you love them to pieces, but if they can be in a different room our outside they would be very thoughtful to the guest of honor and other guests.
Yes, mom to be is a dog person. When we go to their home, they usually encourage us to bring the dogs too, so I am sure they won't bother her at all.
Is it possible you could ask the MTB if she knows of anyone coming that might be tempted to bring their kids? Just let her know you don't have space for any kids except lap children and hopefully she'll spread the word.
I'm thinking your friend (MTB) has been to your house before and knows your dogs. I know we have a big dog (golden-doodle) and he does not shed or bite but is just sooo big. We allow him out and about if there are no little kids around (even though we have our 3) but would put him in the bedroom if there are "stranger kids" just because he is so big he would just knock them down. Also, if he gets "obnoxious" I'll send him to "bed" and he knows to stay there until I tell him to come back out. You might just want to ask the guests (when they come) if any of them are afraid of dogs (or have allergies).
Good plan, I'll mention the dogs when people call to RSVP, this way they won't be surprised when they are greeted at the door by 90 lbs of fur.
I invited a lot of people with children to my wedding expecting that it would be rude to say they couldn't bring their kids, so I didn't stipulate either way. However, no one brought their kids, it was kind of weird actually. Why can't you accommodate people's children? just asking out of curiosity rather than judgment. Maybe hold the event at a venue where it will be self-evident that children are not appropriate, or consider enlisting the help of another friend who can accommodate kids in the event that your friends bring theirs.
I'm on the fence on the issue, but I tend to think that stipulating "no kids" is a little rude, but that's just me.
Did you read any of my posts in this thread? I am hosting a baby shower in my home. The guest list is twice as big as we originally planned, and there is no room for any more people. That is the first reason for not wanting people to bring their kids. The second reason is that all the people invited are MTB's friends, and I don't know them or their kids, and I am not willing to assume the liability of their kids being around my dogs. I know my dogs are nice, but what if their kids aren't? It isn't feasible for me to be responsible for feeding and watering guests plus watching a bunch of strange kids around my dogs. If the shower were fewer people, then sure I could host and babysit, but since it is larger I can't.
I haven't stipulated "no kids" on the invite, I am just not inviting them. It isn't rude to invite people places without also inviting their kids.
Did you read any of my posts in this thread? I am hosting a baby shower in my home. The guest list is twice as big as we originally planned, and there is no room for any more people. That is the first reason for not wanting people to bring their kids. The second reason is that all the people invited are MTB's friends, and I don't know them or their kids, and I am not willing to assume the liability of their kids being around my dogs. I know my dogs are nice, but what if their kids aren't? It isn't feasible for me to be responsible for feeding and watering guests plus watching a bunch of strange kids around my dogs. If the shower were fewer people, then sure I could host and babysit, but since it is larger I can't.
I haven't stipulated "no kids" on the invite, I am just not inviting them. It isn't rude to invite people places without also inviting their kids.
I actually reposted immediately after. I wouldn't expect a hostess to play hostess and babysit to my children if I brought them to an event. Personally, I wouldn't bring them to a baby shower, but I still wouldn't feel put out if people brought theirs to mine. That's just me, it was my opinion. Sorry to make you all defensive, either way, kids or no kids, if you are worried about your dogs in a social situation I would probably find someone to dog-sit during the party. Kids aren't the only ones who can be unpredictable around dogs (and I am saying this as a dog enthusiast).
Sorry I missed your repost. Even if we locked the dogs up, we still don't have enough chairs or room for chairs for the little butts of people's little children. If the guestlist was smaller I wouldn't mind the kids, even around the dogs, but keeping track of a lot of guests plus the kids and dogs is too much. I don't think I'm being unreasonable. I am sure most people won't expect me to watch their kids, but we all know someone who thinks their kid's bad behavior is cute, that the doggie doesn't mind being poked in the eye, etc. and since I don't know any of the women invited I can't be sure that I won't end up needing to keep tabs on that kid.
We've had similar sized parties in our home with the dogs before, and they have never been a problem. Of course if someone responded yes, and then changed to a no because they were afraid of dogs I would offer to keep them locked up so the guest would be comfortable, I am not a horrible hostess, or woefully oblivious of people's comfort. I know how much I can manage for a party, and I'm drawing the line where I feel comfortable.
Really? The hostess should find a larger venue to cater to people bringing their kids? Um...are you (who posted this) paying for the shower the OP is putting on? Oh..ya, I didn't think so.
The OP's biggest issue (since she can put her dogs in her bedroom) is seating. How rude would it be for a 4 year old having a seat and the adult (actually invited) guest having to stand. I think this is the situation she is trying to avoid. Plus, if she does not have children her home may not be childproofed and she shouldn't have to do that just to accomodate other people's children. I know for a fact that not all mom's watch their little ones carefully.
A hostess can do what she wants, when she wants and how she wants. It is up to the MTB to say yes or no. Obviously, most hostesses would try to accomodate the MTB as much as she is able and it sounds like the OP is doing that...she already said there are more people invited then she expected. I am a dog owner and like I said before he is a big fellow. We don't have THAT big of house but we've had 45 people there (with bigger kids) and had no problem leaving the dog out. If he gets obnoxious I put him in the bedroom. We also have 2 cats and do the same with them...although they tend to make themsevles scarce on their own.
I had to actually add "Adults Only" on my wedding invitations because I knew there would be some people that would have brought their kids. We still had 2 couples ask if they could bring their kids (and they were not babies - ages 7 and 11). We could only afford 150 people and I was not willing to pay $55 for kids to be at my reception. The church only held 100 comfortably and they could have accomodated 20-30 more but I knew there were many people that would not be able to come to the ceremony...only the reception. I don't think it is rude to add "Adults Only" although it is actually not proper etiquette. Unfortunately, other people don't know that it is rude to just bring along their kids either.
OP...I think your plan to ask if any of guests have allergies or aversions to dogs is a good idea. I work with a doctor that is scared to death of ANY animal (even puppies and kittens).
Hi Joy! Nice to see a friendly face in these parts!
There are some women who assume if they are invited, then so are their kids.
With that said, I would never bring DS to a shower unless his name was specifically on the invitation. That just doesn't even sound fun to me, IMO. Unless it is catered for kids and they have a kiddie room set up with kid friendly food.
This. I love kids, but I don't assume others want to see mine if his name isn't on the invite.
I disagree, especially for a party where it's implicit that the guest brings a gift - not only do they have to bring a gift but they have to find a place for their child to stay during the party. It's ok to have a difference of opinion, but to me stipulating "no children" is rude if you want people to come who also happen to have kids. Most won't bring them, but by saying "adults only" and having the option off the table people who can't find/afford sitters would be left out, which seems rude to me. But again, that's just me.
I politely disagree
The hostess used my house for my shower. I have two dogs, but put them up in the garage so they were out of the way. It would have been too distracting and a shower is a nice event where a lot of people are wearing dresses, ect. I didn't want to worry about taking the dogs outside or them jumping on people.
I should add, I suppose, that I don't really have kids over to my house (only have one friend with small children). So it is always an adult. I warn people "she doesn't like to be touched" and usually these people have cats or have had cats (MIL, BIL, etc). But I lock her up in the bedroom when I can. She is happier that way and so it is easier.
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
Expecting Baby Bean February 2017
I just don't follow this logic. What about inviting people who have work Saturdays and can't afford to take a day off? Is it rude to them to host a party on a day they have work? What about people OOT who have to spend gas money they'd rather not spend? There will always be people who can't attend events for whatever reason. So long as you aren't unreasonable with your scheduling (planning a party for a workday in the afternoon, hosting a destination shower, etc.) it isn't rude. If it were, no one would ever give parties because of the impossibility of finding a date, time, and location perfectly agreeable to all guests.
I would politely state that it's an issue of space for all your guests to have seating, the dogs and being unsure about childproofing, and also food/beverages. Some parents don't watch their kids at a get together as well as they should and I would also be worried about food messes in addition to the dog issues.
It's a small pet peeve of mine when parents can't leave their child with their spouse for something like this. If the child is not expressly invited. If the other parent is capable of watching them why not give mom a break? I know I will probably get some angry responses for that but it's just my thinking.
It's always rude to bring someone who wasn't invited to a party, regardless of their age, and asking a hostess if you can bring someone is a rude thing to do to her. The only people invited were the ones listed on the invitation.
It's also rude to put "adults only", "women only", or anything else that refers to people who are not invited on the invitation.
If everyone knew and followed these rules, life would be simpler and more pleasant. :
OP, if/when people RSVP with more people than were invited, be prepared to tell them that you simply cannot accomodate extra guests. If they show up with kids, be prepared to make adjustments as needed and then come here and vent like mad after the party. ;
Just so everyone knows, the invites don't say "adults only" anywhere on them, they will just be addressed to the women invited. I agree about pointing out who isn't invited being rude. I am totally on board with all the bolded.
She's the hostess. She doesn't have to accommodate people's kids if she doesn't want to. Geeze.
This is correct. The invitation should never state who isn't invited, but who is invited. Some people don't understand that if your name's not on the invitation you aren't invited whether you are 3 months or 30 years!
I agree with Bliss+Berry that the sentiment for having an adults only affair is completely acceptable. But, putting it on the invitations is rude. Handle this as people RSVP and be gracious if someone is clueless and shows up with their kids!
Regarding the dogs, I'd put them in the bedroom for the party or have DH take them somewhere. That would be the responsible thing as a hostess (and yes, I am a dog person).
And she asked for honest opinions, I gave mine. It's ok to not agree on things, it's not my shower, and I'm not a hostess, I'd just do it differently
Hopefully you are worrying about this more than you need to.
Generally, if it is the woman only invited to the event, then dad will watch the kids. For my shower, I had 3 invitees (other than the hostess) who have little kids. My friend did not come because of it (and because it was about an hour's drive and some other reasons). My cousin came and I assume her kids stayed with her husband. My other SIL came and her kids went out with their daddy (BIL) and grandfather (FIL) and uncle (DH).
My brother was going to go out with his son (age 3) but their dog sitting plans fell through at the last minute (3 month old lab puppy), so the three of them ended up staying in the basement the whole time.
I do think most people know better, but you might want to ask your friend if she has any friends where this might be an issue so it can be brought up ("I bet you're really looking forward to an afternoon with just the ladies").
Good luck and hopefully it won't be an issue.
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