Have been asking friends for advice about this...not really sure where to turn.
I joined a dating website a little over a year ago. I met a woman who I ended being very attracted to and genuinely liked. It ended up that she was only on there to get back at an ex boyfriend. She had recently moved back from a large city out of state (where she had been living with another guy) and messaged me first on this website.
We started constantly texting & talking a lot shortly after New Years 2012 and spending time together. On the last weekend of January, we did have unprotected sex. I did try to pull out but don't think I got the timing quite right. For some reason..we didn't really talk about it much thereafter. A few days later, she sends me a text saying she is going back out of state (large city very far away) to be with this guy again, and she is sorry if my feelings are hurt, but they plan to work things out and whatnot. Tells me to keep her number, she might come back again soon, that she feels bad but has to give him another chance. Told her I understood and wished her the best. I decided to give online dating a break and closed down my profile.
So, a few months later I decided to log into my facebook page (which I haven't used much since college years ago) and look her up out of curiosity. I realize we had 1 mutual friend and I could see some of her page.I also noticed she moved back here (smaller city) with that other guy recently...and she's obviously pregnant.
I tried to reconnect with her via text, never made any mention of this, just said hi and that I wondered how she was doing. No reply. About a month later, I decided to give this online dating thing another try, and after I do, I noticed she has visited my profile (it shows when someone does) only a few days after I made the page (with same username). I found this somewhat strange, why she wouldn't reply to my text but she would view me, and know I was aware of that. It was also slightly strange that she was still on the dating site at this point, although I always had the impression online dating was just an ego boost to her.
I waited a few days and I messaged her on the site instead of text..again, no reply. I didn't look her up, she knew how to find me there and she did. I told her I noticed she viewed me, and that we should talk again sometime, that it's been awhile. I think she had just wanted to compare pictures of myself to the other guy. The other guy and I look alot alike and could easily pass for at least first-cousins. Both of us are of Italian descent, she is Asian.
From that day on, I didn't say anything and just left it alone. She is still on the site to this day and I can see when she's online, and she can see when I'm online, and that is it.
Anyways, on her facebook page (which is somewhat public) the baby was born on November 7th.
I used some pregnancy calculators, most of the projections state the baby (a boy) would have been born sometime late October given that we had intercourse late January.
This is not far away from November 7th, the day the baby was actually born. I don't know how accurate these calculators are and each one seems to give a different answer (+/- a week or two).
She's still on the dating site, the town we're from isn't very big...I could easily say I heard she was back in town and has a child now, and I'd like to know if there's any chance the child is mine given the timeframe. Obviously, that would just be intrusive and I don't plan to do it, but it's been on my mind.
I know she has had to think of the possibility (unless the other guy underwent a paternity test) and I have the impression this may be why she didn't reply to when I messaged her, because it's something she did not want to address. It is much easier to have a child with someone she has a history with, rather than a month-long fling. From all the research I've done, a woman can have bleeding that resembles a period when pregnant (or an actual period the days leading to conception), and I've also read conception can take up to a week after intercourse.
It's because I pulled out (although I know wasn't exact) and the calculators basically have their projections (using intercourse date) at late October opposed to first week of November that I've thought the possibility is real but unlikely - although it's still there. Also, the way she just stopped all contact, but found my profile on the dating site makes me think she was drawing comparisons the other guy. It's really hard to tell because we look alike enough either could obviously be the father. I'm almost certain he has no clue of this (the same way she thinks I don't know about the baby).
The best advice I've gotten so far is that eventually if she starts to wonder, she'll find a way to contact me, whether it be via text, facebook, or the online dating site.
I have seen a few pictures, and it did make me wonder even more. I think she went into this avoidance mode because it's something she doesn't want to address, I really don't think she would have the other guy undergo a paternity test, that just raises too many suspicions on his end.
I know if I saw them in public (only 1 mall in this town) I think she would then address me privately because she'd then know that I'm aware of all this, and given the boy is a few months old she knows it would cross my mind, as I'm sure it's crossed hers.
Any advice is appreciated.