Preemies

Re: Great preemie piece

  • Perfectly written, and I completely understand the feeling she was trying to get across... I know I wish every day that I were fortunate enough to give birth at 36 weeks instead of 29, and at the same time I'm grateful that I didn't endure the extra struggles of having a 23- or 24-weeker. Those who have are very strong mamas/papas, and very strong babies.
    March 2017 September Siggy Challenge: Favorite Fall Things

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • imageCurlingRocks:

    I've liked other pieces she's written; this is not my favorite.  I feel like she is discounting other people's experiences even though she says that isn't her intent.

    DS had a lot of issues as a 31 weeker, many of which we've overcome.  I have friends with 35 and 36 weekers IRL whose babies had almost no major issues (weight and BFing were the only things their moms ever mentioned).  It does sting a little when they compare their experiences to mine, but I also realize that they went through a lot of pain and fear themselves, and it simply isn't fair to compare the experiences.  I don't even like comparing to friends who have much more significant preemie issues they are still dealing with when many of ours are in the past.  It just isn't fair.

    As for the blogger's "perspective"-giving:

    DS has Hip Dysplasia, and when I joined a group for parents of kids with HD and made a post complaining that he wasn't sleeping and requesting help dealing with the situation, I was told to get off my pity pot because HD isn't anything compared to kids dying of Leukemia.  I get that.  HD isn't the end of the world, and we have been through much worse ourselves...not Leukemia, but other bad stuff.  But the responses like that didn't make my situation easier to deal with, even having "perspective" given to me.  It made me more frustrated because I wasn't having a pity party; I was asking for help dealing with something I was struggling with.  Thankfully, some other posters offered some great advice that worked well for us and got us through the situation.

     Ive heard "a preemie is a preemie" or some variant of those words here and It never bothered me because this is such a supportive community and I know the words are out of inclusion not exclusion.  The reality is that there is a whole range of journeys and outcomes and no two kids can be compared much less a 24 week preemie to a 36 week preemie.  Even within the micropreemie world there are VASTLY different outcomes....  which is a place where I think that the comparisons can be especially tough.  

    I don't feel that she is discounting anyones journey, I think it may be perceived that was by some because she is the parent of a micropreemie that has an extremely tough road.  If the same message was coming from a parent of a 34 weeker (regardless of complications)  I think the initial perception would be very different.  

    mom to V; 25 weeker born at 1lb 7oz
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

    www.virginiakkent.blogspot.com

    image
  • Loading the player...
  • imagedeedylovescake:
    imageCurlingRocks:

    I've liked other pieces she's written; this is not my favorite.  I feel like she is discounting other people's experiences even though she says that isn't her intent.

    Ok glad I wasn't alone...

    I guess I'm confused.  I took the whole point of the post to mean that we shouldn't discount any experience be it a 22 weeker or a 36 weeker.  That every preemie journey is different and the feelings of the parents are valid. And that we should stop comparing/competing altogether!     

  • I didn't get the impression that she was trying to discount other people's troubles, just express that there are certain struggles that some families go through that others do not. As long as we aren't constantly pulling out our grief measuring sticks amongst one another, I don't think it's a problem to acknowledge that there are differences in the struggles that NICU families go through. I know that during my stay in the NICU, I met families who had been there over 100 days, families whose sweet babies had to undergo surgeries, and families who gave birth to two babies but only went home with one... I would certainly say that those families endured greater struggles than my own, but I don't think that belittles our experience. I had to deal with what I had to deal with, and the gravity of it doesn't change just because I believe that there are others who had to deal with more. 
    March 2017 September Siggy Challenge: Favorite Fall Things

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Pregnancy Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"