DC during ML with 2nd WWYD?

DiaMT

Hi ladies! Coming out of lurking to get your opinions on something I'm struggling with. My situation is that I'm a working mom of a 3 year old boy and pregnant with a girl due end of May. DS stays home with me one day a week, goes to DC 3 days a week, and goes to my parents' house 1 day a week. I'm trying to decide what to do while I'm on maternity leave. We can afford to keep the same schedule we have with DS going to DC 3 days a week and then staying home 2 days a week (my parents will help when they can). Part of me thinks this arrangement will work well for us because DS will remain on his normal DC schedule, giving me time to rest and bond with the new baby and also give me an extra day with him. However, the other part of me is feeling guilty and wondering if I should keep him home with me the entire time I'm on maternity leave. This will get him out of the habit of going to DC which he'll need to readjust to when I go back to work, but we'll save money and I'll have a lot of time to spend with him, an opportunity I won't have again as I'm planning on returning to work.

WWYD? Or, if you've had 2 or more, what did you do? Do I continue to send him to DC or keep him home?

TIA!

gingerfamily

I kept my older one home for mondays and fridays when I was on maternity leave.  However, it only lasted for about a month.  she was 2.5 at the time and needed me too much for me to properly attend to the baby.  We went back to FT shortly thereafter. 

 

shannm

We sent DS to daycare.  If you can afford it, do it.  My leave was only six weeks so I needed the time with the baby to bond and rest.

MrsWindyCity

I plan on keeping DS in school while I'm on leave. My leave with him was very difficult - both emotionally and having a baby around who was nursing 24/7, etc. I don't want DS home with me and not being really paid attention to as much, and I want to make sure he still gets socialization and things stay normal for him. He really likes school. I am considering doing shorter days/part time (still 5 days/wk, but shorter days to save a little money).

ETA: Even if we wanted to keep him home, we couldn't because he'd lose his spot at DCP. At the very least he would need to go part time. 

TMWarren85

I'm home for 12 weeks and DD will go to DC the entire time- I know from my leave with her that I will want one on one time with this LO to get schedules set and bond. DD also needs the routine so it would totally screw things up if she just hung out at home. She will be almost 4 and learns a lot from her Montessori so I don't want the put a big gap in that either.

mittensonkittens

Keep him in daycare if you can afford it. He'll have more fun, and you'll get to sleep when the baby sleeps. You can pick him up early here and there to spend extra time with him.

dimondwind

Your situation sounds like mine.  DS1 was in daycare 3x per week, and we kept him on that schedule when DS2 was born.  It saved me - the days he was at school I could spend more time with DS2, rest more, etc.  Being so sleep deprived it was hard to entertain DS1 when he was home, so I was thankful that daycare was able to keep him busy and happy!

mexicolombiana

I had the same thoughts and here's what I did (we had a nanny though):

For the first week while DH was home we kept the toddler and that was fine because DH was around. 

For the 2nd week when he went back to work I sent the toddler to the nanny's house and she would drop her back off around 4/5 pm and DH comes home at 6.

For the 3rd week I sent her to the nanny's house like 2/3 times a week.

For the last 8 weeks of ML I kept them both and it was fine.  BUT I will say it was only fine because I had a very good recovery, natural birth, no tearing, etc.  

I think it's totally fine to send the older kid away a few days a week while you're on ML, but for me I was fine and able to do both within a few weeks. Just see how you feel! 

doxgirl

I sent DS when I was on leave. It kept him on his routine and gave me time with the baby.  He was there for shorter days than when I am working. It worked out great for us.

mylittlesunshine

When I had DD2, DD1 went to daycare 2 times a week. It was nice since I got bonding time with DD2 and that DD1 still had somewhat of her old routine.

It sounds like you have an awesome arrangement, if you can afford it, I say keep it as it is.

mle929

I would keep your older child in DC.

DD will be going to DC her regular 3 days per week for 3 months or so. Then, she'll be home with me FT for the summer. My situation is a little unique b/c I'm a teacher and DD doesn't go to DC in the summer. I figure by then both children will be easier to manage together and I'll have the energy to do special things with both of them. For the first weeks, I feel fortunate that DD will be able to maintain her routine, socialize and get plenty of attention while I bond with the new baby.

Leap08

DD1 went to daycare while I was on leave with DD2. I wanted her to remain on her normal schedule and to keep things as consistent as possible. Also, daycare wouldn't have guaranteed her spot if we withdrew her, and we would have had to pay a re-enrollment fee. I also really liked having that time to bond with DD2. 

2chatter

I changed my eldest's schedule to be more time with me when DD2 was born.  She had a really hard time getting back in the groove.  With my third, the older two kept their normal schedules.

The biggest benefit was that I could see what life would be like "after maternity leave".  It made it easier to go back to work, I knew I could get everyone where they needed to be when they needed to be there with all the things they needed.

semdkm

Perhaps a middle ground? 

I had my second when my first was 3, too.  I had four months off and we followed the advice of many others and kept our 3 year old at daycare, but on a more part-time schedule.  When not on leave, she went five days a week until lunchtime.  When I was on leave, we kept her in three days until lunchtime.  To be honest, given a colicky newborn and absolutely no help from friends, relatives, etc., I spent every second either nursing or trying to comfort a newborn who screamed all.day.long.  Which meant that on the days my 3 year old WAS home with me, she watched far too much tv and felt, I think, pretty neglected attention-wise.  At "school," she had her friends, teachers focused on her more than I could be at the time, and she didn't have to readjust to going back after my leave was up.  PLUS, on those days that she went to school, I was able to rest a bit when the baby did--which, post-c-section, I really needed to heal and collect myself between long screaming fits. 

financialdiva

I am on maternity leave right now and DS1, who is a very energetic 3 yo, goes to DC full time. Now, I do pick him up early sometimes to go do something fun and I already have plans to keep him home with me a couple days soon too as well.

I feel guilty at times but DS1 is having way more fun at school than sitting at home watching me nurse the baby or running errands with me. Plus, it keeps his routine constant, which I think is really important.

TnArichmond

Maybe you could only send him 2 days instead of 3? That way you are saving on one day a week, but you still get quiet time (and nap time) with the new baby. And DS won't get his schedule rocked too much bc he will still be going to DC twice.

jnealet

I sent D1 to daycare when I was home on maternity leave.  I kept her home many fridays but she had a grand old time at daycare and came home tired and snuggly. 

DiaMT

Wow! Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences! I just talked to DH about this and we've decided it'll be best for everyone to keep DS on his current schedule and just pick him up early from time to time. I'm looking forward to having an extra day with him (the day he would normally go to my parents') but it'll be nice to have the help when I need it.

stellablue1972

I'm off 18 weeks and DS is going to DC full-time the entire time.

He loves daycare and I don't want to mess with his routine.  I feel like he'd be bored out of his mind at home with me and a newborn all day!

In addition to that, taking care of a newborn is demanding enough without a toddler in the mix.  I'd rather be able to focus on DD for her first months.

LoCarb

If you can afford it send him. You need the bonding time and the recovery time. He needs the structure.  

Angela814

We dropped from full time daycare (5 days/week) to part time daycare when DD2 was born. If I remember correctly, we sent DD1 3-4 days/week for half days. It might have been 5 half days actually...

I'd lean toward continuing to send him but maybe only in the mornings.

cchill01

If you can afford it, then I would ABSOLUTELY keep him in DC.  We kept DD in 2 days a week and it was a huge help.  It was good for her too - to keep up with a schedule and have time with her friends.

Don't feel guilty for a minute!

AMY081410

I sent DD1 to daycare part time.  It saved us a bit of money (since we normally send her full time) but still kept her in somewhat of a routine.  I loved having DD1 home, but also looked forward to the days when it was just DD2 and me. Plus DD1 missed her friends at DC and was happy to go.

NerdyMama2

DS went to preschool when I had DD. For the 3 months she was home with me, DS went 5 days a week.

mae0111

We have a nanny, and she will continue to come through my maternity leave. Her hours may be shorter, but DH travels and I will need the help!

 My hope is that the nanny will keep DD1 on her regular activity schedule while I recover and bond with DD2, then maybe we can switch off or do things together as the weather gets nicer.  

mommymegan831

DD was 2 in March, I took off the end of April, had the baby in May and went back on November.  DD was home with me the whole time.  I know i'm the odd one out for keeping her home, but it was the best experience and I loved my taste of being a SAHM.  We did so many activities, the library, play dates, art classes, even though DS was kind of fussy the 1st few weeks, I just held him all the time while I brought DD to our different activities.  I also didn't breast feed which made things easier but SAHMs do it all the time, so it's do able.  If I was taking a shorter leave, maybe the transitions wouldn't have been worth it, but DD was switching from a sitter to a daycare anyway, and I'm a teacher so she would have been home for atleast 2 months.

ksyknelvr73

I am not pregnant with #2 yet, but we are TTC - and we've already discussed this very same thing. At a minimum, we are going to keep DS in his DC at least 3 days a week (he goes 5 days right now). Our DC only allows either full-time or 3-days or 2-days as a rule, so depending on how I feel about handling him and a newborn will determine whether he stays on full-time or goes to 3 days a week. Either way, I think it's better for everyone if he goes to DC....he still gets the interaction, the learning experiences, and he loves "school", and I will be able to have some alone time with a new baby and get used to that whole aspect again as well. That's just my two cents! : )