Simply Horrified

sbry

I need some unbiased, possibly less hormone prone opinions of something that happened to me today. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for over 9 years, we have no children. Because my insurance covers nothing we haven't been able to do cycle after cycle but rather a few times a year as we can afford it. My husband is also sterile so we have the added expense of donor sperm.  After taking almost a year off to lose 50 pounds my RE put me on the highest dose of Follistim I've taken (200 IU's a night). After 8 days I had 11 follicles 16, 16, 14, 14, 13, 13, 13, 11, 10, 10, 10. Though the largest would be considered mature, I was put on two more nights of Follistim. Today, day 10, of stimming seven of my eggs were mature with the largest two being 23 and 21. My doctor wasn't in but I was told by another RE (whom I've never met) that my cycle was canceled.

I said "I'm concerned because this was my last cycle of medication and we will have a hard time coming up with the funds for more" and she cut me off and rudely said "How do you think you'll care for four special needs children if you can't even afford your medication??".  

I told her I was feeling uncomfortable with her response and wanted to speak to my doctor and she said "He isn't going to be in today. This is our policy, you don't have a choice, I'm not just being mean to you. You use donor sperm, professional sperm, you can't get pregnant on your own. If your husband produced sperm I would tell you that we don't recommend trying to get pregnant but you'll ovulate most of those eggs and we couldn't do anything about it but you can't do that. You need us." I said "excuse me?" and she said "If it's a matter of money, I can scrape together donated medication from people who can actually afford it if that's what you want." I told her again I wanted to speak to my doctor, I wanted answers as to why I was stimmed for two additional days after I had mature eggs. She said "He comes in this afternoon, he'll call you." My doctor never called me.

Ladies, I'm so hurt by the comments this woman made to me. I feel like she doesn't think I deserve to be a mother because I'm "poor" and if I were to have special needs children, I couldn't handle it because of my economic status. We're not on welfare, my husband and I both work, we have a mortgage and two car loans, we just can't afford $2000+ a month. I understand their policy and while I was disappointed, I understand why it's in place. I just can't believe someone would talk to me that way. Why bring up the fact that my husband can't produce sperm and call it "professional sperm", I feel like I'm using a prostitute to get pregnant and I'm dirty.

Is it my overloaded hormones making me too sensitive or was this horrible and insensitive? What do I even do at this point?  They wouldn't even tell me the rest of my egg measurements or allow me to do my labs.

megs3084

Thats horrifying and unprofessional. Im so sorry you had to deal with that. Hugs

LaineyPaney

WTF????
You are completely justified in feeling hurt, angry, offended, irate.

I'm da.mn near speechless.

LaineyPaney

...you know, I don't think I could continue treatment there based on her comments. I would have a hard time letting her financially benefit and take any of my money.
I couldn't go there and endure such judgment. Your doctor has got to know that his partner's verbal diarrhea will be costing him patients.

I still just can't believe what all she said....as if the wealthy are the only ones who should get a crack at parenting...

sbry

That's exactly how I felt!

I wrote an e-mail to my doctor and have cc'd to patient relations stating that I have been trying to get pregnant for over 9 years with them and thus I'm broke(!) and childless to show for it.

I already feel so much shame as an infertile person and this just added to it. Of course I had four people today ask me the same old "getting to know you" question. Do you have any children? *sigh* I hate meeting new people only because of that.

I'll see what patient relations has to say about her attitude. It was on a Telehealth conference so hopefully it was recorded.

liz4paws

That lady should be taken to a dark alley! Okay maybe not but your story made me furious. I would never set foot in that place again if you can swing it. That's beyond unacceptable. That woman should be fired if that clinic knows what's best for them.

megs3084

LaineyPaney:

...you know, I don't think I could continue treatment there based on her comments. I would have a hard time letting her financially benefit and take any of my money.
I couldn't go there and endure such judgment. Your doctor has got to know that his partner's verbal diarrhea will be costing him patients.

I still just can't believe what all she said....as if the wealthy are the only ones who should get a crack at parenting...

This for sure. Im glad you let the re relations person know what happened.

PurpleIris30

These kind of posts are best for the regular Infertility Board, as this Board is for people that have been regularly posting on the Infertility Board for more than 6 months.

I'm sorry the delivery of the message left something to be desired and I'm sorry you are upset, but if you were doing an IUI with that many follicles, you absolutely should have been cancelled.  

Edwina.McDunnough

PurpleIris30:

These kind of posts are best for the regular Infertility Board, as this Board is for people that have been regularly posting on the Infertility Board for more than 6 months.

I'm sorry the delivery of the message left something to be desired and I'm sorry you are upset, but if you were doing an IUI with that many follicles, you absolutely should have been cancelled.  

Absolutely agree on both points.

AmCheri

PurpleIris30:

These kind of posts are best for the regular Infertility Board, as this Board is for people that have been regularly posting on the Infertility Board for more than 6 months.

I'm sorry the delivery of the message left something to be desired and I'm sorry you are upset, but if you were doing an IUI with that many follicles, you absolutely should have been cancelled.  

Sorry you're having a rough time.  That said, I agree with all PurpleIris said.  You will find a home and great support on the IF board moving forward. 

sbry

I apologize, I misunderstood and thought this was a group for people ttc longer than six months.

I guess I thought you would be able to understand better the pain felt by someone ttc for 10 years. I guess I don't fit in, even with my own people. Please feel free to remove my thread.

 

 

AmCheri

sbry:

I apologize, I misunderstood and thought this was a group for people ttc longer than six months.

I guess I thought you would be able to understand better the pain felt by someone ttc for 10 years. I guess I don't fit in, even with my own people. Please feel free to remove my thread.

 

 

IF will be the perfect home.  There are plenty of women on IF who have been trying for years prior to joining that board.  I know that I had a several year long history before I came to the bump, and I found IF to be welcoming and supportive during the months I spent there.   

PrideandJoy29

Edwina.McDunnough:

PurpleIris30:

These kind of posts are best for the regular Infertility Board, as this Board is for people that have been regularly posting on the Infertility Board for more than 6 months.

I'm sorry the delivery of the message left something to be desired and I'm sorry you are upset, but if you were doing an IUI with that many follicles, you absolutely should have been cancelled.  

Absolutely agree on both points.